Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to think my MIL is a stupid biatch

45 replies

heathermumof3 · 03/09/2011 13:42

I am so wound up again. I have posted before regarding my MIL having my middle DS as her favourite. I have 2 reasons why she has got to me today.

First my DH had asked my oldest to take some washing upstairs. He turned round and said grandma (my MIL) had told him to say to my DH that if he wanted a slave get mum to do it. My DS then got into big big trouble.

The second thing of today as always she leave my DD out. She is 20 months. My MIL has come round with my SIL and has taken my 2 boys to the circus. She says my DD wornt know that he is being left out and as my MIL says she does not do girls. (even though she has a daughter)

I am so mad and feel sorry for my DD again being left out.

OP posts:

Original poster

heathermumof3 · 03/09/2011 15:01

My DH tends to stay out of it because his mum has a screaming fit at him if he says anything back.

The one problem with not letting her see the kids is that my SIL is our paid nanny/child manner. Me and my husband work full time. She takes out children most days round to her mums my MIL.

I hate confrontation and tend to try and brush the nasty comments over. I keep telling my self it is her missing out on my lovely DD. As for the circus thing yes my DD may be too young to go but it was just the same as every thing. If it was the park,play area etc she would not take her or spend time with her. She makes more fuss of the dog than her.

I suppose it makes life easier to bite my tongue but as far the favouritism I am going to have it out with her.

And yes I do think calling her a stupid bitch us wrong I should call her must worse.

I always new I was going to end up with the mother inlaw from hell.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 03/09/2011 15:04

That sounds incredibly smug MmmmCake

Have you never called someone a mild name when they've wound you up or accused you of 'stuffing your fat face' or something similar?

It doesn't make you a 'certain type of person' imo...it makes you fairly honest and human.

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 15:06

Just reading your other post, that is unacceptable, I would not allow her access until this behaviour stops, and your dh has to stick up for you. To put you down infront of your kids is a no no, and you should not take it.

worraliberty · 03/09/2011 15:07

All I can advise you OP, is when all this starts to affect your children (and it will)...if you decide enough is enough and she's not to see the kids anymore, you'll have to sit your SIL down and explain everything to her.

If she's a good CM then her training will have at least taught her what a negative effect all this nastiness will have on the kids.

If she goes against your instructions and takes them to your MILs, you'll have to find another CM I suppose.

Obviously though it's already affecting your son for him to repeat your MIL's nasty slave comment.

Rowena8482 · 03/09/2011 15:09

If SiL is a PAID childminder then she needs to follow what you say regarding your children while they are in her care. Otherwise, pay someone else - it's not like you can't afford to pay so SiL does it free to help you out. And your DH doesn't get to cop out and hide like a coward ignore what's happening, she's HIS mother - he is presumably a grown up and should be able to deal with the emotional blackmail "screaming fit" from his mother who is also supposed to be a grownup. It sounds more like kids in the playground than grown adults with the welfare of children at heart - you all need to take a long hard look at what this is doing/will do to your children if you carry on like this.
And fwiw, I agree, call a bitch a bitch - just don't be surprised when one of the kids calls her Granny Bitch to her face (practise looking innocent and surprised now!)

GnomeDePlume · 03/09/2011 15:10

Honestly? Time to find different childcare. If this person was not your MiL then you would kindly ask your childminder to stop taking your children to her as she is deeply unpleasant to one of your children and behaving inappropriately to the other.

There are some great childminders out there, you dont have to be related to them.

If the SiL needs the money then hold the threat over her head that she either starts looking after your children properly herself or you will be looking elsewhere for childcare.

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 15:10

The favourtism has to stop, and yes if she is nasty to you, you most certainly can confront her about it, she has no qualms about upsetting you . Your dh has to grow a backbone, sorry to say this, I don't know him, but in terms of sticking up and defending his wife he sounds as useful as a chocolate teapot . If it carries on, I would consider using a different childminder so that it is totally separate from family. If she does not do girls, than you don't do nasty spiteful MIL's then.

GnomeDePlume · 03/09/2011 15:11

xposted with everyone, I type too slowly!

SnapesOnAPlane · 03/09/2011 15:16

How about getting a different nanny?
The comment insinuating you, as their mother and your DH's wife... .

piratecat · 03/09/2011 15:16

sack the childminder, can't believe you let your kids go with her round to this vile woman's house.

get out of this circus now.

she is horrible, she sounds rough and mad as, tbh.

BumptiousandBustly · 03/09/2011 15:17

I think you need to get a new childminder, and keep your children away from MIL, how can you possibly expose your DS1 to this day after day?

Dillydollydaydream · 03/09/2011 15:38

My mil definitely favours girls as she had 2 boys.
She's always taken my dd to panto, bought her dresses etc but she ignores my little boy.
So it's the opposite to you OP.
He doesn't get invited to panto even though at 5 he's definitely old enough. Mil has taken dd since 18 months.
It's not fair is it :(

worraliberty · 03/09/2011 15:41

But Dilly you're the only one who can stop it from happening so why do you allow it?

I'm sure if your DS's class teacher favoured all the other children and ignored him, you wouldn't allow that to happen?

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 15:41

thats unacceptable Dilly does you ds notice the favouritism yet?

Dillydollydaydream · 03/09/2011 16:03

I've told DH that it's both of them or none at all but he doesn't like to say 'no' to his mother. Causes all manner of arguments because he'd rather upset me but that's a different thread!

He hasn't asked yet but I think it won't be long before he does ask about it. We normally go somewhere together then.
Mil (and fil) say ds is a handful for them as he is quite hyper I admit!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 03/09/2011 16:26

You need different childcare.

No if's not but's no it's too expensive. The cost in the long term , your mental health your marriage. the respect of your sons and their general attitudes isn't worth any "family" discopunt you may be getting. really.

Star hunting now and prtesent them with fait acompli. There is very little they can say or do, you can just say you felt the burden of the childcare was impacting on your family relationships, and then you set the boundaries who sees who and when.

And if you get another "fat face" type comment, just practice "did you really meant to be that rude?" and it will start to trip off the tongue. As for the preferentail treatment with alternative childcare it will not be happening.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 03/09/2011 16:30

Dilly 2 if he's "too much" for them on his own tell them they both go or not at al, (you could go too but I wouldn't suggest it)l. Non negiotiable. If DH won't talk to them then you have too. Soon it will affect you ds, who would you rather upset MIL or ds.

SouthernFriedTofu · 03/09/2011 16:39

Well posting multiple threads about MIL won't help will it? If you want to let people treat you like shit they will treat you like shit.

My sympathy for posters is when they have a really passive agressive relative often it is more difficult to call them on perceived curelties. YOur mil is being out right nasty and you let her.

If the kdis go to her house without permission, if she is rude to you, if she picks favourites she is done.

kelly2000 · 03/09/2011 16:59

Tell her quite calmly that she either takes all of them or none.

kelly2000 · 03/09/2011 17:01

And change nannies. Either the nanny takes the children where you say, or she gets fired. If you do not want to be treated like that, then do not be treated like that.

Flip

1 2