To be furious that BIL asked if DS has "a touch of the Aspergers"?

[runningtostandstill]

That is about it. BIL asked DP whether our DS, aged 4, has 'a touch of the Aspergers'. Leaving the ludicrous phrasing aside, I was upset and surprised by the question. In my opinion DS is a regular little boy but perhaps I'm biased. He is rather loud, he has bags of energy, he can talk for England, he can be cheeky to me and DP and throws the odd tantrum. He is also funny, charming, enjoys his friends' company, gets on really well with cousins, grandparents (especially mine) aunt etc. He is shy meeting new people and takes a bit of time to warm up and is not friendly to complete strangers. He has just finished his first year of school - they start earlier here - and it went brilliantly.

I really think you need to forget this happened. He showed concerned. He expressed said concern. Your DH answered him in the negative. Situation over. If you make this into the big deal it doesn't need to be, you'll start worrying yourself over this and possible cause an unnecessary rift.

You don't want to be in a situation where people can't say anything about your DS in front of you. If your family turned out to have concerns that were bang on point, you'd want them to be able to express them to you. Sometimes people who are removed from a child's everyday life see things us parents don't.

You don't have to listen to what people say or pay mind to them if you really don't want to, but aside from your BIL's choice of words, I don't think he's done anything irredeemable.

He showed concerned I meant.

I think YABU too. I know it isn't nice to have somebody suggest your child isn't normal but it doesn't sound like he was asking maliciously. What did your DP think? Is he 'furious' too or is just left a bit perplexed.?

FWIW I don't even have a probelm with a 'touch of Aspergers' - it is a spectrum after all. Some children are more affected than others. My DS is on the mild end of the scale and I can concieve of a casual conversation I might have with family where I might even say something similar. Hardly ludicrous.

At 4, if a child was on the mild end of the spectrum and only had a 'touch of Aspergers' might be too early to diagnose anyway. Maybe he found your DS difficult to talk to, maybe he didn't make eye contact or answer his questions and he has recently had some experience of AS, was wondering, put two and two together and come up with 5.

Why don't you ask him why he might think that? (And why don't DP/DH ever ask the questions we would have asked right questions)?

It's upsetting to her someone ask something like that, but maybe he was genuinely trying to help. Sometimes as parents you are so used to your child that you don't realise their may be nothing different about them, especially when they are still quite young. Aspergers isn't always picked up on until children are a bit older. Of course your BIL could be barking up the wrong tree entirely or it might have been a throwaway remark if he has just noticed a few quirks. I would ask him why he had said this.