Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to go?

54 replies

DevotionAndDesire · 03/09/2011 11:26

I made plans to go out with a friend today, we where going to go to for a walk and a picnic with DS in the woods a few miles away.

I texted her an hour ago to see what time she wanted to go and she replied saying "do you mind if I bring DP".
Usually I wouldn't, he used to be a friend, but a few weeks ago he had a go at me, for no reason, and said he couldn't stand me and my 'self absorbed ways'. I haven't spoken to him since, and am still upset. He never apologised.

I could say I do mind, but I don't want to sound be childish.
But I don't want to spend my Saturday afternoon with him.

It has really spoiled my mood and I don't want to go at all anymore.

Am I being unreasonable? And should I just suck it up?

He was a complete dick and said some really nasty personal things, (it wasnt a drunken thing) and has no once made any attempt to appologise for what he said.

OP posts:
LunarRose · 03/09/2011 12:46

No sounds like he's just being overprotective of your friend.

Think it's one of those times where no-ones done anything really wrong, but everyone has a right to have the hump too.

Perhaps your friend's trying to put things back on the right track. If you like your friend and used to be friends with her partner as well, it might be worth giving it a go

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/09/2011 12:47

Comments, criticism, analysis, ownthreadhider? I assumed you knew the op as you managed to glean so much information from such a short op.

YANBU, I wouldn't want him anywhere near me and I'd tell the friend why. Why on earth would he think you'd want to share the same airspace as him after that?

andthisisme · 03/09/2011 12:48

So where was he when she was home alone and depressed?

YANBU!

Thumbwitch · 03/09/2011 12:48

LunarRose, overprotective is one thing - that would involve telling the OP that he felt she had let his GF down and was a bit of a flake - not telling her he couldn't stand her. That's not overprotective, that's unpleasant.

pixielicious · 03/09/2011 12:50

He's a knob. You should have told him his GF was probably depressed from having to live in the same house as him and his knobbish ways Grin (not trying to make light of your friend's condition incidentally, it does sound like she's going to need your support although YWNBU to not go out with her on your SIL's birthday!)

Original poster
DevotionAndDesire · 03/09/2011 12:51

She doesn't know My SIL, I did say she could come but she refused.

When her DP said all of that stuff to me I was stood in the doorway, she was sat in the living room 2 ft away, she heard it all. I did mention it to her, but I didn't want to cause friction by making it a big deal so decided to just stay away from him and not mention any of it or him to her.

From what she has just told me it sounds like he is wanting to pretend it never happened, she said he wants to 'act like grown ups'.
I did LOL a lit when I imagined him saying that. :)

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 03/09/2011 12:52

Why wasn't he there for her if she was in such a state?

You had a commitment. You had no way of knowing she would drink herself stupid. A bad week at work and an argument with your mother isn't the sort of thing that screams Emergency. You were not being unreasonable.

He is.

I certainly wouldn't be going near him and I'd be saying exactly why, too.

And why would you put yourself in a situation where he might very well start on you again? In the middle of the woods. Where you are stuck with him.

Fuck that.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 03/09/2011 12:52

He wants to 'act like grown ups'

Well, tell her - or him - that grown ups apologise when they have behaved badly and he can kiss your arse

SheCutOffTheirTails · 03/09/2011 12:53

He's not being overprotective, he's being a prick.

No way would I be spending time with him, but I would make sure to rearrange a time with my friend when he wouldn't be able to sabotage it.

Have you told her about how he spoke to you?

He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

fedupofnamechanging · 03/09/2011 12:53

I agree with TMB. Excellently put!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 03/09/2011 12:54

Grin last post, I promise

Grown ups don't do the laa-laa fingers in their ears dance. They address problems and talk. Immature fools like to act like kids and do 'take backs'.

Please just tell him/her!

DialMforMummy · 03/09/2011 12:55

You should be honest with your friend and say you are not comfortable being in his company. Acting lie grown ups does NOT mean you can say such things to someone and then pretend it never happened.

LadyBeagleEyes · 03/09/2011 12:55

So she hear him speak to you like that and didn't try to intervene?
She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

Original poster
DevotionAndDesire · 03/09/2011 12:56

posterandthisisme
So where was he when she was home alone and depressed?

oh that's the best bit, I cant believe I forgot it.
He was out getting drunk with his mates.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 03/09/2011 12:58

I'm with TMB as well - you can't sweep stuff like that under the carpet, if she knows all that he said to you, I wonder why on earth she thinks you would want to see him?

Apart from anything else, I wouldn't want my DS to be around someone who "can't stand" his mum. Sooo - I'd be phoning her and saying no, sorry. Whenever he feels like apologising I'll be happy to listen but I'm not happy to just forget about it.

DialMforMummy · 03/09/2011 12:58

As Lady said, your friend sounds a bit weak...

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 03/09/2011 13:00

He was out getting drunk?

Oh what an arse! have a go at you while that's what he was doing rather than being there?

And now he wants to pretend nothing happened?

If you go along with that - you're a bloody fool! Grin

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 03/09/2011 13:15

He wants to act like grown ups.

By playing 3 go down to the woods...? Nah, don't think so. Surely you've got a more pressing engagement OP, such as watching paint dry?

On a more practical note, woods are not particularly nice venues to be in with people you don't get along with. I've always found that if there is a remote possibility of nastiness on the part of any of my playmates, it's preferable to be in a busy public place. '

It's a beautiful day (in London at least); if you have a nice child-friendly pub nearby with a garden for your ds to play in, I suggest you arrange to meet the happy couple there and let him make a complete arse of himself in front of your friend and others.

diddl · 03/09/2011 13:31

TBH, I´d drop both of them.

They both seem to think that she is more important than a previous family commitment.

She heard what he said & didn´t defend you/correct him?

Could he be thinking that way because of something she said?

Eglu · 03/09/2011 13:38

You need to tell her that he needs to apologise to you, and at the moment you do not wish to spend time with him.

ChippingIn · 03/09/2011 13:47

She doesn't sound like a very good friend if she heard him say all this and just sat there. Being a good friend does not mean always being able to drop everything else 24/7 just because your friends had a bad week and an argumement with her Mum FGS and you did invite her to join you - she chose not to.

How close are you two? (you and her - not him). If she's one of your closest friends I'd ring and say 'No, he's not invited - just us & the kids' - don't let him come between you, but if you aren't that close I'd drop the pair of them.

AKissIsNotAContract · 03/09/2011 13:56

Sounds to me like she has chosen a partner with similar controlling traits as her mother. I would try to stay in her life just incase he is trying to isolate her from her mates.

LunarRose · 03/09/2011 14:11

"He was out getting drunk with his mates."

Ok forget what I said previously, I do think there are times when people say the wrong thing and you should just suck it up and get on with it, this isn't one of them.

Apology needed definately

2rebecca · 03/09/2011 14:43

They both sound unpleasant and manipulative. They both blamed you for the fact that your friend exected you to drop everything because she was wanting to make a mountain out of a mole hill (a bad week at work and argument with your mum sounds like a reason for 1 stiff G&T not 3 bottles of wine).
They sound as though they both have alcohol problems, knocking back 3 bottles alone isn't normal, nor is leaving your supposed "partner" when she is upset and boozing with your mates.

She seems to want a 1 way friendship, maybe this friendship has ran its course.

marcopront · 03/09/2011 16:24

Is it possible he wants to come on the walk, so you can talk about what he said and try and clear the air a bit?

Swipe left for the next trending thread