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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To call my dp up on drinking two bottles of wine when I'm on antidepressants

45 replies

alwaysblue · 02/09/2011 21:09

dp is on his way to drinking two bottles of wine this evening . I said I thought one bottle was more than enough for one person in a night ( it's normal for him to drink a bottle of wine in an evening) he called me a hypocrite cos I take 'pills to alter my brain' could he not drink to do the same. Aibu to be hurt and pissed off about his comment?

OP posts:

MadamDeathstare · 02/09/2011 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoMeDon · 02/09/2011 21:56

I completely disagree that 2 people on medication mean you are not good for each other. It means you are both ill. Nothing more depressing than living with depression, alcohol is a depressant too. I would focus on making you better, he will either join in or you will be strong enough to make a fair assessment.

madam52 · 02/09/2011 21:59

It is hard being the partner of someone suffering from depression - not defending his comment btw - just saying it can be very stressful and sometimes the partner gets pulled down into the depression unless they are a very very strong buoyant character themselves. My B-I-L suffered a breakdown - complete physical and mental exhaustion after looking after my sister and supporting her ,keeping family going etc etc for years when she suffered from PN depression. He was her rock but it can take its toll sometimes.

Original poster

alwaysblue · 02/09/2011 22:07

Ok I need to know then if he's drinking to self medicate ; but regardless of his reasons for drinking he needs to stop being so abusive and hurtful to me when he does drink.
I guess we do need to talk about this in the cold sober light of day.

OP posts:

Indaba · 02/09/2011 22:28

You are both medicating. If he chooses to medicate via alcohol and all is well at home then yes, in my mind its double standards....but if (and I guess this is the case) the way he medicates (alcohol) causes problems...abuse, money, irresponsibility, then you have every right to question.

bumpsoon · 02/09/2011 22:31

Your husband is in denial ,he knows he is drinking too much ,but because it is wine and he is drinking at home ,it cant be an issue can it ? Tell him from me he is probably at fatty liver stage of liver disease and he really doesnt want to progress any further unless he fancies a considerable stay in a NHS hospital where we will ensure he shits through the eye of a needle ,on the hour ,every hour , and if he is lucky he will make it to the toliet on time .

Ormirian · 02/09/2011 22:34

Regardless of your ads,he is drinking too much and clearly it makes him aggressive and unreasonable.

I have my own opinions of ads and the ease with which they are prescribed but that is seperate to the the fact 2 bottles of wine is much too much for anyone!

MadamDeathstare · 02/09/2011 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OriginalPoster · 03/09/2011 08:03

Apart from anything else that's over £2000 a year!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/09/2011 08:08

YANBU to be worried because he's drinking far too much. Your use of medication is neither here nor there. Heavy drinkers and alcoholics always have plenty of excuses why they're normal and everyone else is overreacting....

ImperialBlether · 03/09/2011 11:12

Worraliberty, you say:

"It depends on how big the bottle is.

If it's a standard smallish size then to answer your question, no I don't think 2 bottles for an average size man (I assume he's average?) is an 'awful lot' on a weekend night."

I didn't know wine normally comes in different sizes. A normal bottle of wine isn't a smallish size!

Personally I'd be worried if someone was drinking that amount regularly. It seems a hell of a lot to me. One bottle is too much, in my opinion, and I really, really enjoy wine.

ImperialBlether · 03/09/2011 11:13

And yes, OP, he was horrible saying that to you.

milkmilklemonade · 03/09/2011 14:15

Yes, I think you are BU. He is an adult, it is up to him what he does, you can only control your behaviour not other peoples. You can discuss it with him but you can't tell him what to do any more than he can you. Relationship does not mean ownership or control.

MadamDeathstare · 03/09/2011 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalFAB · 03/09/2011 15:28

Making assumptions about the apparent ease in which ADs are given out is not helpful.

YANBU but really you need to talk to him without it sounding like nagging. Tell him you have thought about what he has said and wanted to ask what was wrong.

You have no choice about being depressed. He still might have a choice about the use of alcohol in his life.

milkmilklemonade · 03/09/2011 16:35

The OP has the power to remove herself from the relationship.

Indaba · 05/09/2011 23:50

Madamdeathstare

your name scares me so am responding to you with my heart in my mouth . Please be gentle with me.
I take your point....what I mean is if someone is driven to drink two bottles a day, my guess is that they are not that happy. My guess is that there is something wrong. Maybe the OP could try to see what is driving his decision to persue oblivion.

3)I am not in any way defending him. If his decision to drink so much causes other problems, abuse, bullying etc then talk about the effects of drinking on OP and the family. But he may be a benign drunk at this stage.

FabbyChic · 05/09/2011 23:51

You can drink on anti-depressants you know.

TheOriginalFAB · 06/09/2011 08:16

Not all of them. You are advised not too.

HerHissyness · 06/09/2011 09:47

If someone is drinking 2 bottles a day for more than half the week, they have a drinking problem.

If someone, when having had a drink, has their personality change, they have a drinking problem.

Using alcohol as a reason/excuse to be abusive/hurtful is inexcusable.

OP, I suggest you discuss with this guy (when he's sober) that it'd be healthier to monitor/limit his drinking a little. Tell him that his behaviour changes and it's not on.

If he flies off the handle, refuses to, then TBH, you may be living with an alcoholic. Contact Al-Anon for help/support.

I'd also suggest that this behaviour will be having a direct affect on YOUR health.

If you are being regularly verbally and emotionally abused, and if he is regularly getting blotto on that amount of wine, it sounds as if you are bing treated badly for 4/7 days of the week at least. ADs will help you cope with the abuse, but if you remove the source of abuse, you may find you don't actually NEED the ADs.

You can't medicate your way out of an abusive relationship. You potentially end up medicating yourself to prolong the pain.

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