Step parents and new siblings at wedding - AIBU??

[pickupsticks]

Me and DP are in the last few weeks of planning our wedding.
But there has been a slight sticking point with my in-laws to be and my mum so AIBU??

Me and DP met though our parents (his parents became very close to my mum when she moved after my parents divorced)
I should point out mine divorced when I was 8 and DBro was 10. Though they had joint custody my dad had primary custody. My DSMum entered the equation around about 2 years later. I have always and still today get on very well with her (she is a wonderful woman, personalities wise better than with my actual Mum) I also have 2 wonderful younger siblings who are 12 and 14 yrs younger than me.

Now the problem:

We are paying for the wedding ourselves but in lo of presents from our parents we have asked for them to contribute to the wedding itself as such DP parents decided that they would like to pay for the decoration of the reception room inc the flowers on table/tables placings/table cloths etc.

At DP parents house with my mum there they asked to see the plans for these decorations and the receipts for it (they decided we would pay and they would give us the money back once we had done). Which I showed them including a mock up of the room layout (measured to perfection I must add)
My Mums first responce was 'Oh so she is sitting on that table is she?' meaning my DSMum.

We are not having a 'top table' they are circular tables (10 altogether). One of which is slightly in front of the others (Me, DP, His best man and wife my Dsis1 who is my best woman, My Brother and husband and my DSis2 on this one)

We made the decision to have 'ushers' and partners on the next with my DDad, DSMum and have a seat there for our DS who is 3.

The next table has my mum, DP parents, his 2 grandparents and 3 close friends of ours.

DP parents then informed us that 'we are not happy paying for that set up, we should be on that table (the one with My Dad and DSM)'

We explained that the set up works and people are sitting next to people we think they would get along with/know. (also don't want all parents on same table - they will be fine but not sat together)

But this is not good enough.

DPs mum (and mine agreed) then had the audacity to tell me that we should move my brothers husband (lets not get into my mums feeeling on my bro being gay that it is a whole other thread), best man's wife and my Dsis2 off the table we are on so the three of them can sit on it. My mum then decided that night on the phone to tell me that she didn't think that 'her' (meaning my DSis's who are techinally are my half-sister, though we are not half anything) children (both - including the one who is my Best woman) shouldn't get to sit on an 'important' table because it isn't like they are proper sisters (!)

I didn't get a chance to reply (DS wanted me)

But DPs parents are now saying they will not pay for the set up as it is we have to change it.
DP and I know that they are paying and DP thinks we should maybe move some people to meet them half way (splitting up Dad and DSM was said but I shot it down). This is really stessing me out, which DP is worried about as I'm pregnant (but haven't told anyone yet)

-Sorry it is a bit long-

I know they are paying for it but it is my wedding, AIBU and what should we do?

Sorry, I have only just read all the replies (nothing to do with not liking answers sandalwood DS has only just staying in his bedroom, i've been up and down for hours)

Thank you - I know why could pay (there would be no problem with that) but obviously as some of you said we accepted the gift not thinking they would attach conditions. But I will take all of your advice and tell them thanks but no thanks. (I liked your first one Don)

I know what you are saying euro but in my family that wouldn't work - at all - we thought by having no parents on the table with us and then 2 'second' tables of people we would avoid all of this, evidently we where wronge.

Lyingwitch we didn't ask for them to contribute they (all parents) asked what gift we would like as they felt as parents they should get us something (no one else is getting us anything) we said if they feel they really have to then money specially towards something would be fine (we thought £100 ish) it was them that said instead of that they would pay for something in the wedding. Oh and I wouldn't think not having a 'top table' is unconvectional, but maybe that is just the weddings I have been to.

Ruey like the idea of names of table not numbers.

Edwin I do get that except there is no father of the bride even in our wedding. DM knows that and is aware of it (she also knows my adversion to such things) so there is no mother of the bride role for her.

De I get that I do, but it isn't a traditional wedding she knows that. eg. I'm not getting given away. We would be happy to have DS with DM but it is DP parents we both have a problem with and would be on edge if we couldn't keep a constant eye on them with him. And while I love that idea of moving around in the room it wouldn't work plus lots of children going etc...

Clever wow - refusing to come, bloody hell.

Thank you

ohh LydiaWickham I like that - Ta xx

Tbh, I'd pay for it yourself and plan it your way.

If you do want to compromise you could:

Place your 'not top table' in the middle of the next two tables, equidistant from your table, with table names (not numbers) so the next two tables appear to be equally important (I can see the PP point about your mother feeling snubbed)

Or
Splitting up you family so each family member / group is a host of their own table.

We're doing something similar to what you had proposed, there is no top table, we have a table with me & DP & DD, my DSis and her DCs, his DBro & DSIL & DN.

Then we've sold it that the parents are "hosting" tables - my DM on one, his DPs on another, and then my Dad supposedly on a 3rd table. However, he hasn't acknowledged our invite so I'm not sure that he's actually coming. Beginning to think eloping would have been simpler!