Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to have taken my 2.5 year old out of the car

50 replies

biddysmama · 31/08/2011 21:28

and told her she either got in her car seat or she wasnt going in the car?

she was refusing and arching her back and kicking me, so i took her out,shut the door and told her "no car seat, no car!" in the car park of a supermarket

i got tutted at and mumbled about by some people passing.

OP posts:

rubyrubyruby · 01/09/2011 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnotherJaffaCake · 01/09/2011 08:50

YANBU. I'm appalled that passers-by etc could possibly think that how you discipline your children could be any of their business. Perhaps a terse "mind your own business" next time you get a comment should do it. DS who is 2.3 yrs has regular meltdowns and is completely uncontrollable when we're out in public, so I'm used to being glared at and tutted. It isn't as if I deliberately let him run wild or take him to the supermarket just so he can have a tantrum. DD is the complete opposite, normally very well behaved and calm.

DS's favourite trick until recently was to pull his arms free of the seatbelt straps, so we would have to stop the car and put him back in. He thought it was hilarious, and would do it several times on a car journey. He seems to have stopped now, but that needed real strength to push him back into his seat. He is amazingly strong for his age.

youarekidding · 01/09/2011 09:01

YANBU, Ignore passers by.

I have shoe-horned DS into the car seat which got just as many tutt's. (this was before 2yo)

We didn't have a car from when he was 22 months until 3yo - he was so grateful then he didn't have to walk everywhere come rain or shine he would jump into the car!

UNTIL, we have a friend who's DD is a madam!, friend always does as chippingIn said the pleading, saying police will tell mummy off, etc etc. DS decided one day to say 'no' when I told him to put his seatbelt belt on. (it was in above friends car) Given a warning, he said no again. Taken from car, told seatbelt or no swimming. He said he wasn't putting it on so we walked home from friends and he missed swimming.
The tutter here was my friend.

You are protecting your DD from harm, there is nothing wrong with that, and maybe the tutters were tuting at your DD tantruming not you dealing with it? Still not helpful mind.

ConstanceNoring · 01/09/2011 09:14

If I have ever had a struggle or had to discipline DCs in public all I ever get is knowing nods and smiles from passers by, i think I may have given any tutters a mouthful, or perhaps handed over wayward toddler for them to show their superior methods of control. Yeah that would learn em for tutting!

plupervert · 01/09/2011 09:15

"It isn't as if I deliberately let him run wild or take him to the supermarket just so he can have a tantrum."

Ohhhh, yes, AnotherJaffaCake, this is such a received idea in certain portions of the community. I was once pushing DS about in the trolley, screaming his head off, after he had failed to walk nicely and been confined to the trolley (as warned), and an old man told me, quite unsolicited, that: "I've got five grandchildren and have never had that happen." Luckily, I've been a MNer long enough to tell him "Lucky you," and turn my back on him. The lying and hypocritical old twat was of the generation which probably never went to the supermarket, let alone with a child.

My bloody FIL took DS in his lap while driving the car this summer (on the coast abroad), and I was furious when I found out, mostly because it's not just a one-off judgement by an adult, which may have been right at that time (I accept that there was little chance of injury on that small trip). But inconsistency with small children is death! Both death by a thousand tantrums when the rules are re-applied and potential death in an accident, too. We normally get on very well, as we share a stricter outlook than his DW (my MIL) and my DH (his DS!). However, on this occasion... grrrr...

exoticfruits · 01/09/2011 09:18

Ignore the tutters.The car seat is non negotiable-tough if they don't like it.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 01/09/2011 09:36

Sorry, but it kind of sounds like you want a medal, OP.

TrillianAstra · 01/09/2011 09:41

So if it's " no car seat no car" then what are you going to do? Walk home from the supermarket?

MissWanksAlot · 01/09/2011 09:58

Brute force seems to work with mine! And I have never ever had anyone tut at me and my ds has ASD. Infact all I've had is support. I must lead a very uneventful life....

LoonyRationalist · 01/09/2011 10:05

Sounds like you were lucky; bloody stupid ultimatum to give to a small child. As others have said what was the plan if she hadn't compiled but just said ok? Or do you regularly issue threats you have no intention of following through?

littleducks · 01/09/2011 10:11

I dont know if YABU or not.

If the supermarket waas busy and there were people wanting spaces, particulary M&B spaces which seem to attract queues and 'hovering' cars waiting for people to leave then it would be a bit unreasonable to go down the stand off with a 2yr old route.

Alternatively if your 'no car, no carseat' declaration was a case off loud parenting for the benefit of the passing crowd/tutters then you are also unreasonable.

If it was just a normal, day to day, parenting technique that inconvenienced nobody else....then YANBU.....but frankly why you would post about it on here, baffles me tbh.

youarekidding · 01/09/2011 10:22

Be fair to biddy Don't we all have moments when we question our own parenting because others reactions shock us? Sometimes our DC's behaviour throws us and we don't know how to deal with it, do what we think is best and then wonder if perhaps it was.

MN is suppose to be about support, all op is asking is whether she was BU or not to do what she did. Yes, maybe she was and maybe force would have been how others would have dealt with it, but helpful suggestions, empathy of having been there would surely be better than comments such as 'do you want a medal?' 'why would you post it?'

jojane · 01/09/2011 11:04

We just say ok, bye bye, shut the door and start the engine. You can guarantee after about 5 secs they are banging on the door asking to be let in!!

blackeyedsusan · 01/09/2011 11:15

I find that a good tickle around the tum relaxes the muscles enough for them to sit down, them you hold them round the hips whilst putting straps on with the other hand and reticckling at the first sign of back arching. with pushchairrs a knee between the legs to stop sliding down helps, though not hurting them it can look like it so beware of tutters.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 01/09/2011 11:31

Why on earth would anyone tutt at you for that?!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/09/2011 11:52

Hold down, ignore screaming, strap in, drive off, turning music up louder to drown out strop if necessary!

thereinmadnesslies · 01/09/2011 12:03

I told DS1 that if he didn't let me do his seatbelt up the policeman would take him away and he'd never see Mummy again . In my defence, I was having a very bad day. He's never so much as tried to take his arms out of the belt since.

TheMonster · 01/09/2011 12:05

You were right to do that, OP.

CrystalQueen · 01/09/2011 12:09

The cashier at the supermarket suggested I watch Supernanny as my DD screamed the place down at the weekend. Cheers, I already felt great about her behaviour.

TheMonster · 01/09/2011 12:22

That is so annoying, Crystal. I have a friend that always says I should get supernanny in. I don't know why, as my DS is fine.

BertieBotts · 01/09/2011 12:56

I wouldn't actually threaten to drive away leaving them banging at the door screaming :( I think that's really cruel! (Also, threatening to leave them somewhere while in a different situation where you want to encourage them to separate from you - nursery or whatever - promising you will always be back is two conflicting messages) I have told DS that if he isn't strapped in, the car can't go, and that works for now, but did just use force or bribery when he was too young to understand this and probably would again if he just said "Okay, let's not go anywhere."

youarekidding · 01/09/2011 13:09

My DS once suggested to my friend she called Supernanny for help with her DD. (one above in my post).

I was mortified but TBH he said it matter of fact not in a bad way just the black and white way kids see things and my friends DD can crack a window with a scream because she's told no

belgo · 01/09/2011 13:14

YABU. She had to get into the car at some point to go home, so wouldn't taking her out of the car only give her what she wants, and gets you no further in trying to get home?

MightyQuim · 01/09/2011 13:16

That's what I thought belgo. How did you get home in the end OP? I assume she succeeded in delaying you? I'm more of a 'if you want that magazine I just bought you/to watch tv when we get home/whatever you will sit in your seat while I strap you in'. Much quicker ime.

SmethwickBelle · 01/09/2011 13:18

I don't even make eye contact with strangers when I'm with an arsey toddler, I can't bear the looks I imagine I am getting.

DS1 was awful at this age, I carried him out of all sorts of places like a roll of carpet. DS2 is starting early.

I'm of the "get the hell out of there" school of thought in general.

The moment they kick off big style, I ask them once to calm down or do X, then we leave. Supermarket, shop, toddler group, whatever, even if we have JUST got there - under the arm and off we go. I would force them into the car seat or buggy to get them out of a car park or public place, in part as its possibly safer than them thrashing around unfettered where there are cars. And because it is bloody embarrassing.

There is no point (in my experience) waiting for them to finish the tantrum, it just prolongs the agony all round.

Flip

1 2