My mother's indifference

[lolaflores]

Noticed the other day whilst out and about in town, lots of grandparents with grandchildren tipping along in each others company.

Suddenly struck me my mother (who lives about a mile away) has never taken dd2 for as much as a walk around the block. However, she spends 2-3 days a week with my sisters sons 7 miles away. We see her perhaps once a month when she goes to the bank nearby, she stays for about an hour, gives dd2 a bounce on her knee and then is off.

I have an older daughter (18) from a previous relationship whom she adores. AIBU about the apparent lack of interest from her to my dd2? My mother is indifferent to me in the main, but why she has to be so to my youngest is beyond me.

We have loads of history and not the easiest of relationships. When dd2 was born, DH was away working for lenghts of time. She did not come near me or attempt to offer any help in any shape or form. I feel so resentful toward her. She is my only parent, my father dying when I was 7, and I often felt that we had been left in the care of a psychopath. She was violent and unpredictable, lashing out with very little provocation. And the lashing usually went in my direction.

She sounds horrible. If I were you I'd be glad she had nothing to do with my child.
It sounds like she's repeating the same pattern she inflicted on you and your sister, choosing a golden child and a scapegoat from among her DGCs as well.
I'd keep DD2 well clear.

I can understand why you would want the involvement of a caring mother, but you don't have one I'm afraid. If you knew your mother just as a friend, would you want her around your DD? I think it's time to let go of her and accept she's not who you want her to be. It sounds like your DD won't be missing out on much.

She is as she is, i'm afraid. We can wish all we want, for the parents that we would like, but we won't get them.

You can confront her, if you feel that you need answers, but you probably won't get the answers that you want or need.

You will have to mourn your loss at not having a caring mother and move on, in any way possible.