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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it OK for close relatives to forget birthdays?

43 replies

islawhiter · 30/08/2011 17:53

My son had his 21st bday last month, it was my husband's bday two weeks ago and my other sons 18th bday yesterday.

None of them received a card from my sister in law, whom we are close to and only saw at a big family party at the beginning of August.

Im a bit miffed that we didnt get any bday cards at all!

She has two children of her own, who we always send cards to (with cash inside lol).

Their two bdays are coming up in Sept and Oct.

If I say anything to her she will say she forgot all about it and I dont want it to develop into a family fight .

But.........

I cant help thinking theres more to this than meets the eye.

How can someone forget all three effing birthdays ???????

OP posts:

mercibucket · 30/08/2011 19:58

sounds like something's going on with her, can you get her brother to phone her up and find out if she's ok? (not to hint about the missing presents!)

Ripeberry · 30/08/2011 20:03

I have not had birthday cards from my parents for years, not even xmas presents, but they still get theirs.
A mutual friend of mine, does not even get a card from her own DH...ever!

Birthdays are wasted on adults, just save them for the important ages 30,40,50 ect.. Then ask for a BIG present

pramsgalore · 30/08/2011 20:14

don't even get me started, my family remember all my dc birthdays, but his family are really bad, his mum is really quick to make excuses, but expects me to always bother, his mum thinks it is ok to turn up a week or so later shove £10 in my hand and say thats for ...... birthday, i have 4 and she always remembers oldest birthday, its like the others don't really matter [they are all her grandchildren] his sisters well hit and miss, they always bother with dd1 but the others not, it really makes me cross, his sisters also don't bother with his birthday either, so i have decided as of next year to hell with them, i'm not going to bother with them, like i say to dp a colouring book does not cost alot, it's the thought that counts,

Vinomum · 30/08/2011 20:49

Every single member of DH's family forgot DS1's 3rd birthday. I was devastated, so was DH, he sent them all a stinking text message telling them how upset DS was (he wasn't, obviously, but we were on his behalf). MIL laughs about it now. I don't.

woollyideas · 30/08/2011 21:02

Don't shoot me, but could I ask whether your DCs send thank you letters or make thank you phone calls? I'm just wondering because my DN (19) and DN (22) never, ever bother now that they're grown up and my sister no longer checks that they have

I have to admit that every time I send a present and it's not acknowledged, I think 'this is the last time...' (but I usually relent.)

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 30/08/2011 21:04

I'd just like to say that some people find being organised (including about family birthdays) more difficult than others. Don't take it personally.
I must try to be better organised myself on this ... it's my neice's 3rd birthday coming up soon, so thanks for the reminder ! My DC's have 5 cousins on each side of the family, so with aunties, uncles, and grandparents too, that's quite a commitment to remember them all. I know it's a breeze/ essential to some people but that doesn't mean everyone can stay on top of it all the time. And life is too short to hold it against people when they forget Nice to remember the children's birthdays though if you can.

warthog · 30/08/2011 22:52

dh's entire family forgot my birthday last year. still waiting for xmas & birthday present from mil.

they couldn't give a shit.

does hurt so i feel your pain.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 30/08/2011 22:59

I don't expect people outside my own immediate family to remember my birthday ( if I get a card from the DC's I'm happy )
I'm pretty haphazard in remembering other people's too.
Possibly I should make more effort.
But I treat anything beyond the bare minimum as a happy bonus whether it's me remembering theirs or others remembering mine !

marriedmummy · 31/08/2011 13:49

depends on whether u normally do cards. if u do then it is a bit off as its a big birthday.

uggmum · 31/08/2011 17:46

My sister is terrible with birthdays. She doesn't send cards at all, says it's a waste of paper.

She has 4 dc. I send them presents and cards, I always post the presents at least 2 weeks before their birthdays.

I have 2 dc. They have never received a present on time. My dd's birthday was at the beginning of July and although dsis has told me that she has bought a present, she has not posted it yet. My ds waited 2 months for his gift.

I find it annoying as I always make an effort. I am not bothered about a present for me but I feel she should make an effort for the dc.

I have not discussed it with her as it is not worth falling out over. She is not great with feedback and would take it personally.

headinhands · 31/08/2011 18:02

Whoa, I am obviously in the minority here. I remember kids in my immediate family on my side, but I leave DH's family to him, which he usually forgets. Cards are nice etc and the kids send out TYs or a quick call more often than not but I don't notice if relatives haven't. Honestly. I'm a bit at the whole 'she forget his so we'll forget hers' or similar. Send something if you want to, don't if you don't. No? Can't it be that simple?

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 31/08/2011 18:49

I'm with you headinhands
Life's too short to get upset about (forgotten) birthdays.
Celebrate, or wait til next year !

nandrin · 31/08/2011 20:56

I agree headinhands and juggling.

ACL · 31/08/2011 21:05

We are like Groovee - but we continue to send pressies and cards and just accept she has a lot on her plate and try not to take it personally altho this can be tricky!

ACL · 31/08/2011 21:07

ps I mean my SIL

Panzee · 31/08/2011 21:11

I hope it's ok. I'm always forgetting birthdays.

Original poster

islawhiter · 31/08/2011 21:13

Yes thats my problem i spose i was taking it 'personally' and sad that my sons 18th was forgotten really as i would never forget a close relatives birthday like that, i have spoken to sil two weeks ago asking bout her holiday and she seems quite happy, guess shes stoney broke and felt a card with out money would of been too embarrassing so just sent nothing(not that we would of cared).

OP posts:

notlettingthefearshow · 31/08/2011 21:14

If she usually remembers, it's pretty poor form - maybe something else is going on in her life? Or maybe she plans to give them something later? It can be a coincidence she has forgotten all three.

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