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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you do not want a generation of looters

29 replies

prettyfly1 · 30/08/2011 11:41

do not huff and tut and say things like "eurgh telling your children off in public is sooo common"....when parents do tell their kids off

Backstory, took DS 1 and 2 to shop this morning, discovered dp had taken my card to work (accidentally) and had to leave. DS 1 has adhd (relevant I promise), and I asked him to put the sweets he had picked up back and we left. When I got outside I discovered one sweet in his pocket, which I made him take back. Further along the road discovered a second one and marched him back to the shop, made him take it in and apologise to the shop keeper. On one hand there is every chance it was accidental and he forgot about them (adhd is an impulse, concentration thing) however he is at an age where it could just as easily have been him not wanting to put them back and attempting to sneak them out. I was taking no chances so rollocked him there and then. No swearing, no hitting, no screaming just very firmly told him off and made it very clear that if I ever found him leaving a shop without paying for stuff again I would take him to the police station myself. And I meant it.

At which point a group of older women started sniffing and huffing at mothers today and the above comment was made. Honestly it took everything in me not to go over and tell them off as well! If you want parents to discipline their kids, do not embarrass them and point and judge when they do!! ARRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 11:49

You don't say how old your DS is, but why did you threaten to take him to the police station?

It just sounds like you don't have enough confidence in your authority and need to use someone else.

YABU to link people gossiping in the street to looting.

mousesma · 30/08/2011 11:56

I think you've behaved entirely reasonably. Stealing is a crime and if my children tried to commit a crime I'd warn them that next time the police would be involved. Nothing to do with not having confidence in my authority and everything to do with warning of the consequences of stealing.

The OP doesn't really think gossiping women are casuing looting but parents not discipling their kids and teaching them right from wrong has something to do with it.

worraliberty · 30/08/2011 11:58

The looters were of all different backgrounds and ages

Sadly a lot of kids are brought up knowing right from wrong but when they become teenagers, peer pressure takes over.

blackeyedsusan · 30/08/2011 11:59

I think you sent him a strong message, but would not have threatened the police personally.

there were a lot of people in the riots who picked up stuff out of previously looted shops because they thought that, a bottle of water or chewing gum were fair game... taking back small things may stop your impulsive ds from doing the same.

those women would have been equally rude if you had not told him off for something else.

LydiaWickham · 30/08/2011 11:59

YANBU - if you don't bother to give your DCs bounderies when they are little you can't just suddenly expect them to understand and respect them when they hit their teens. OP you did the right thing. Ignore sniffy women.

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 12:00

Stealing is not a crime if the child is under 10 YO mousesma.

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 12:00

If you're in the UK I meant to say.

TheSmallClanger · 30/08/2011 12:02

Many of them thought they'd get away with it because large numbers of people take pride in "not being a grass", and would therefore protect them. I always think that that attitude allows a lot of really awful things to go on here - child abuse and DV particularly. In a way, the reaction to the looting has changed that a bit.

troisgarcons · 30/08/2011 12:06

OP - You can't do right for soing wrong when bring up children

FWIW - you did the right thing.

Jodianna · 30/08/2011 12:06

I think you did the right thing

TheSmallClanger · 30/08/2011 12:07

Yes, OP, I meant to say that you were in the right as well.

Boobicca · 30/08/2011 12:09

So you did what most of us would have done.

Do you want a medal?

Hate stealth boasting.

Thumbwitch · 30/08/2011 12:12

I think you did the right thing as well, although I think I may have said the police would be called by the shopowner rather than me doing it myself, but still, it was the right thing to do. And showed the shopkeeper as well that you weren't in any way condoning it.

The old humphies in the corner were probably concerned about you "washing your dirty linen in public", something that one never did; but since you weren't doing a fishwife impression, they were getting over-aerated about very little, IMO.

worraliberty · 30/08/2011 12:13

I just don't get the assumption that all these looters were never taught by their parents not to steal.

CustardCake · 30/08/2011 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 30/08/2011 12:28

Be careful that all your patting yourselves on the back about your perfect parenting doesn't bite you on the arse when your kids are teens

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 12:37

I agree the OP did the right thing as well, but I'd want my DC to be worried about what I said to them about stealing and its consequences, rather than dragging in the idea that the police will sort them out.

If they've no experience of the police, why would they be bothered by them? Unless you'd threaten them with prison as well?

Which would just smack of desperation at an out of control child to me, like when parents threaten to get Social Services to sort them out (which I heard one of DD1s classmates mums threaten him with when I was in Tescos the other day).

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 30/08/2011 14:06

Hi Agent - no of course I didnt threaten as well - I explained that stealing is a crime and were he to do it again and a shop keeper caught him the police would be called and if I every caught him again then I would do the same as it is not acceptable under any circumstances - its still a crime under ten and a child can still be dealt with by the police - would rather he understood that very clearly NOW then in a few years time.

It isnt desperation of an out of control child but if you know anything about ADHD he is obviously considerably more challenging than a "normal" child and rules and boundaries have to be absolutely one hundred percent clear to keep him under control, and following that discipline or a telling off has to be done immediately to be understood. Hope that makes a bit more sense.

Feeling a wee bit calmer now - I just cannot stand nasty witches who seem to delight in being critical of parents no matter what they do!

OP posts:
Original poster
prettyfly1 · 30/08/2011 14:14

apologies for my shocking grammar btw - posting from an i-phone - grrrrr.

OP posts:
Original poster
prettyfly1 · 30/08/2011 14:17

Sorry Boobica just read your post - stealth what? My kid may well have stolen from a shop - where exactly do you think I need to boast? I shall take it as a compliment that you clearly agree with how I dealt with it - as opposed to feeling embarrassed and unsure, which is how I did feel. Ta!

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 30/08/2011 14:21

"eurgh telling your children off in public is sooo common"

It is indeed...you should take them home and beat them behind closed doors.

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 30/08/2011 14:25

Grin Lynette - shall bear it in mind :)

OP posts:
nenevomito · 30/08/2011 14:29
SouthernFriedTofu · 30/08/2011 15:41

YANBU

BurningBridges · 30/08/2011 15:45

YANBU, entirely with you, I often wonder at parents who tell children off with a whispered "oh darling do be careful". I'm not sure they all turn out to be looters but they do turn out to be "I want to therefore I can" people.

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