Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep this money?

36 replies

MetalSian · 30/08/2011 10:40

So I have posted before about ex-P, he took money from my account to pay for a deposit on a car.

He went on my account online, increased my overdraft and transferred £700 to his account. (Yes it is possible, and I have changed my passwords, and also I am stupid ;P).

He has now moved out and is selling the afore mentioned car by breaking it.
Most of the money has been paid by Paypal into my Paypal account and I have been transferring it to his bank account.

So now we are properly not together he has asked me to continue to do so, so that he can keep track of the money he is getting.
But he did add only if I can afford it.
He says he intends to pay me back to £700 but he really is very bad with money. Considering adding up all the overdraft fees as well and adding this onto the £700 as I wouldn't have had them if he hadn't taken the money.
He does also owe around another £4000 to two members of his family.

Would I BU to I keep all the money up to £700 that comes into the Paypal account then transfer the rest over?
Or do I tell him to get his own blinking Paypal account?
Or just give it to him and hope he pays me back when he has enough?

OP posts:
RealityVonCrapp · 30/08/2011 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 30/08/2011 10:44

So let me get this right.

He stole £700 from you.

He is now making money from selling a car that your money paid for.

You are now getting money into your paypal account, but are passing it on to him.

You need your head testing!

TheOriginalFAB · 30/08/2011 10:46

You definitely need your head testing!

Take what he owes you and your family and then leave him to it.

KatieMiddleton · 30/08/2011 10:47

Keep it. The little shit deserves nothing. You deserve your money back.

AuntieMonica · 30/08/2011 10:47

he's arranged for the money to be paid into your account?

no brainer from me.

it's your money

if he wants his money he should set up his own accounts but don't tell him this until you've got your dues back

LydiaWickham · 30/08/2011 10:49

I remember your thread, well done for ending that bad relationship, I hope you and your DC are doing ok.

Keep the first £700, + any fees you've incurred, once that's happened, transfer the rest and then tell him to get his own PayPal account. But get the money first, if you are waiting for him to do the right thing by you you'll be waiting until Judgement day.

What he owes to his uncle is his problem, his debt to you preceeds this and is more important as he stole to get it.

after that, you need to start sorting out Maintenance, again, paying his child's keep is more important than paying back his Uncle/Mother - they knew what he was like when they lent him the money. Your Child must come first.

bubblesincoffee · 30/08/2011 10:50

Keep it.

BootyMum · 30/08/2011 10:55

Definitely keep what you are owed!

overmydeadbody · 30/08/2011 10:56

Keep it. Definately keep it. It is your money.

ViviPru · 30/08/2011 11:00

Of course she should keep the money - but I'm curious to know why the OP agreed to transfer the money being paid for the car to him as it comes to her account in the first place - there must have been some thinking behind that... Because its that agreement that she's now going to have to renege on if she starts keeping the money.

biddysmama · 30/08/2011 11:02

i remember the post, well done for getting away :)

and keep the money, its yours and you need it!

Original poster
MetalSian · 30/08/2011 11:06

Thanks Lydia and Biddy.
I think I got away, just xD.

He moved out two weeks ago but I gave him one last chance to sort himself out.
It obviously didn't happen as this weekend I decided enough was enough when he messed up yet again.
But I was transfering it to him for postage and things whilst he was supposedly sorting himself out xD.
Yes I am an idiot and I probably do need my head testing.

OP posts:
ViviPru · 30/08/2011 11:08

No you're not an idiot - if you were you'd still be with him. Keep the money, don't feel bad and do your best to forget all about him

muminthemiddle · 30/08/2011 11:09

Keep the money. His loss if he cannot manage his finances. It is a big bad world out there he needs to grow up.

PattySimcox · 30/08/2011 11:09

Keep it

PattySimcox · 30/08/2011 11:09

and you are not an idiot - you loved and trusted him and he abused that - hes the idiot

BreadCrumbsandButterBeans · 30/08/2011 11:12

Definately keep the money you're owed.

Also beware, if you continue this arrangement and any problems crop up with a buyer not receiving an item or there being any other dispute, paypal will hold you fully responsible for the refund and won't hesitate to get debt collectors involved to make your life hell.

Walk away from this arrangement as soon as you've collected what's owed to you.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 30/08/2011 11:12

Of course you should pay yourself back first before giving your ex a penny.

However, if your ex has been selling parts on eBay or similar sites and is being paid through your PayPal account, please be aware that buyers can return items to sellers for full refund and PayPal may automatcally debit the relevant account.

Hopefully an eBay seller will come along and tell you how long you need to hold onto PayPal payments to be assured that a dispute cannot be raised.

However, your PayPal account may also fall victim to an unscrupulous buyer who has funded their payment by credit card. Credit card payments can be reversed up to year after the transaction was made.

LydiaWickham · 30/08/2011 11:12

You're not an idiot, you just assume someone who says they love you will act towards you in a loving way. He didn't. So you don't need to be thoughtful and loving back to him.

ThePosieParker · 30/08/2011 11:13

No you're not an idiot you're a decent person who wants to do the right thing even to someone that has been a arsehole.

Keep the money.

biddysmama · 30/08/2011 11:15

once you have your money back i would cancel the paypal and set up another, is he selling on your ebay as well?

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 30/08/2011 11:16

Everyone else has answered about the money. So I'll just say well done on getting him out. I posted on your thread on relationships about getting rid of him and I'd been wondering if you were ok.

Original poster
MetalSian · 30/08/2011 11:16

I was worried about him not sending items after them paying me via Paypal.
It isn't through ebay, it is just people sending money as he is selling it on some car forums.

I will try to get him to come and talk about it.
I don't want to be stuck owing people money if he messes up again.

OP posts:
TheMonster · 30/08/2011 11:16

Keep it.

RealityVonCrapp · 30/08/2011 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread