How to be diplomatic about DH's family coming to visit new baby

[MrsHuxtable]

I'm only 17 weeks pregnant and already stressed out about this issue.

For various reasons and if all goes well, our first baby will be born abroad in my home country. I (and DH for some of the time) will be staying with my father from 35 weeks til the new baby has a passport and we are both fit to travel back.

Now, DH has just had a call from his sister who wanted to know, especially for the grandparents, but also for the rest of the family which airport it was best to fly into for when they want to come and visit us to see the new baby. There has been talk before about all of them wanting to come after the birth.

I adore DH's grandparents BUT I can not see how this visit would work out at all. Yes, my dad has the additional space in the house so everyone could stay but he has a very stressful job and will not be able to look after any visitors, especially if they don't speak the language.
I assume I will be quite busy getting to grips with my first baby and breastfeeding, DH doesn't drive, so who will be entertaining all these guests???

I mean, a due date is just estimated, so how do they want to book flights now?
Also both DH and I are not getting on with his mother at all (she's very toxic), and having here there is really not an option. If we let the grandparents visit however, we won't get around his mum and sisters as well. That's 5 extra people we're talking about!

How can I ,without hurting the grandparents, explain, that it would be better if they just waited those 3 weeks after the birth til we are back in the UK? I don't want to push them away, it's their first great-grandchild but seriously...

What will I say?

I do think you might feel differently if it were your parents though - I do see your point but it is a long time to wait for grand parents....

How long are they planning to stay? What if you go to 42 weeks and they have to go home before the baby arrives? You don't need the stress.

You can't tell right now what you'll feel up to post-birth. Can you have a word with SIL and explain to that to her and say you don't want to disappoint anyone?

FWIW I gave birth to DD1 in a city about 100-200 miles away from each set of parents.

My PIL wanted to be notified when I went into labour so they could wait at the hospital to meet the baby immediately afterwards. I made along email listing hotels, local cafes and restaurants, car parks near the hospital etc and they decided to wait until the day after DD was born before they visited in the end. No hotels, no fuss.

I stressed about it for weeks - would they get a room? Would it cost a fortune? Would there be time for them to get to the hospital before DD was born? And it was fine.

Good luck!

People are strange-only 17weeks pregnant and already arranging visiting! Just be vague.If pressed I would mildly say that it would be better to wait until you were back as you have no room for visitors. If they insist let them work out their own flights and hotels.