wwyd you ask dh not to go away for weekend, he does anyway.

[ThePosieParker]

This is my friend, not me. Her DH is coming up to his 40th, he's celebrating with 4 days golf in StAndrews, a day's golf with a prof. A family lunch and party in the evening. He also has a golf membership that he spent £350 on despite them having no money. My friend cleans houses to make ends meet. Aside from him being a selfish bastard and doing stuff without asking, including a residential university course, and then saying it's too late to back out. They've been married 7 years and have three dcs.

So this weekend they have diggers in their garden for a big job.
His friend phones my friend, let's call her Jo, an.d asks to take her DH, John, away for the weekend as an extra birthday treat. My friend says no because of diggers. What follows is a tantrum, pleading, tantrums, silence and finally he announced he's going and goes.

So despite it completely putting Jo out, John goes knowing she has said, for the first time, no. And despite him having six other days of celebrating. He has also asked for two watches.

The lunch and party Jo is organising. She doesn't even feel angry as what's the point. I think that he'll use her and all her 'wifey' support and bugger off with someone else anyway, he already had an affair when their first child was 9 months...a honeymoon baby.

As a start I would cancel the parties.

I can't advise her really, any suggestions.

pmsl Shouty. Succinct, as always. He sounds an arse. I don't think it's about money fwiw, there's a difference between using your hard earned cash to sort out the garden, and blowing it all on a selfish hobby that doesn't benefit anyone else. I would have booted him out for cheating in the first place I'm afraid. He has got away with taking the piss so far, so what's to stop him escalating it? She needs to sort him now, as he will just get worse. The constant time away sounds like there's more to it as well.

he didnt turn out like this overnight, why have three kids with a selfish bastard.

she sounds like she likes being a martyr anyway or else she would take steps to change her life

Definitely get them to dig a deep hole - around about the area she'd like a veggie patch.

There's no way I'd be married to this man-child and behave like a bloody doormat.

I'm also a bit confused as to why she's working 'to make ends meet' yet they can afford the diggers in, big 40th celebrations etc... it's not really making ends meet is it??

Haven't read all the replies. Instead of giving him 2 watches, WTF needs 2 watches?, she should give him divorce papers.

At the end of the day it nothing to do with OP.

OP can think its shit, but if wife is accepting it all anyone can do is have an opinion on something that is nothing to do with them. And opinions as we all know are blah blah blah.

OP if you want to be a good friend to this lady all you can do is be there when and if it goes pear shaped .

one point though, I had to call in JCBs to fill in a ditch at the back of the garden in a house I lived in 1997, so 14 years ago , it cost well over £700 then , so it must be more expensive than that now, so unless you have access to the bank accounts love maybe they are not so hard up as you believe.

St. Andrews is the most boring place on earth. I guarantee it'll be pissing down up there right about now. [I went to university there for 4 years]

I agree with the others: affair.

What a selfish man! Why does she put up with this?!

Why do so many women put up with shitty men and shitty marriages?

I have daughters, I can only do my best to raise them to know they are better than that.

I have daughters and a son, too. I teach them not to take what they wouldn't give out.

I worked with a professional martyr like this. She tried it on with me, 'Does your husband go out and stay out all night on the piss?' I said, 'No. I'd never do that to him, so he knows not to do it to me.'

Indeed lachesis. It's not exactly rocket science.

I read one the other day ( not here) where a woman was complaining that her DH hadn't booked the dog into kennels.

It was a completely alien concept to her to pick up the phone and do it herself in case he got " angry".

Like others have said the main thing that struck me was the affair, before she went on to have 2 more children with him. Her choice, she let him get away with it and guess what? he is still doing exactly what he wants, why am I not surprised.
He can do what he likes he is a grown man not a child.
Am I right in thinking there could be still an element of mistrust between them?
The only thing you can do is be her friend. You don't have to like him, although if it had been me I would have told her what I thought of him after he shagged someone else ie that he is a twat, but it is her life, let her live it.

It's so weird how many people appear tonthink that the defining characteristic of adulthood is doing whatever you want.

Does she get anything for her birthday?

Shecutofftheirtails Nobody is saying that doing what you want is the defining characteristic of adulthood. She took him back after he screwed around then had 2 other kids to him. So clearly she sends the message that hey do what the fuck you like, I for one won't do anything to stop you.
Sorry but if he wants to go away and play golf then if that floats your boat fine. I would rather watch paint dry. However, it is hardly the worse thing he has done is it?

I think the op needs to step back some people wallow in self pity.