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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to slap this woman (I didn't, but she was so rude)

50 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 26/08/2011 17:35

I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant with identical twin girls (and have a dd, 3.5yo). Twins was a surprise but dh and I are delighted (and a little nervous as most expectant parents are). I've had the usual stupid comments, mostly re having 3 girls and that being a nightmare etc but have my replies sorted for that.

Today I waddled into town and in the lift in M&S came across 3 women, 2 with children who asked when I was due etc and were really lovely. An older woman proceeded to tell me how her friend had twins and made comments such as it's an absolute horror, 2 babies crying etc is real hell, poor you, it's going to be horrendous for you.

I just was stunned at how rude this complete stranger was. Wish I'd come up with a good response but I was too stunned. Am I being hormonal or is this a fairly bizarre reaction to what I deem to be good news?

OP posts:

whackamole · 26/08/2011 18:50

Errrmmmm......I have 2.7 year old identical twin boys so know EXACTLY where you are coming from, but unfortunately this is the tip of the iceburg.

Just let it wash over you.....I did!

proudfoot · 26/08/2011 19:35

YANBU and congrats

What a rude and weird comment. Take no notice anyway - twins are brilliant! (I don't have twins but I am one )

skinnymuffin · 26/08/2011 19:51

Would you not be tempted to say something along the lines of 'Oh don't worry, we're going to sell one of them - it's paying off the mortgage!' - breezy voice, big smile, waltz off...

Andrewofgg · 26/08/2011 19:53

^Random old ladies often spout nonsense without really thinking about it

So do random young ladies!^

Well, GissaBreak, if I thought you meant that gentlemen of any age never spout nonsense I would be amused but I would not agree!

OP: Good luck to you. Don't let them get you down, which I know you won't!

ticklebumpkin · 26/08/2011 20:00

I think it must come from some warped kind of jealousy.

I hold my hands up to say that I am utterly jealous that you're having twins. I had two under two and that was hard work, I'm not understimating that twins must be a real handful.

But it's just so special.

Congratulations

VeronicaCake · 26/08/2011 20:06

It isn't rude is it though. It is someone being insensitive and perhaps a little disinhibited. I met several older women who told me traumatic stories of stillbirths or cotdeaths in the weeks before and after DD was born. I found it upsetting but I didn't think they were being rude. In some cases I thought it was very sad that seeing newborn DD still stirred up all those sad memories for them. Who knows why this women needed to be so forcefully negative, maybe she found caring for a singleton exhausting enough. But I'm sure you don't need to take offence.

SmethwickBelle · 26/08/2011 20:13

VeronicaCake - You're actually making me remember something - one of my great aunts apparently waved her hand towards a cemetary and said "that's where all my babies are" when my mother (in her 60s) was with her once - quite recently, my mum had no idea this aunty of hers had suffered these losses probably 50 years earlier or more.

It made me realise that maybe that generation had to keep so much under wraps, stiff upper lip/shame etc... that maybe these days where it is acceptable to share more information they just think what the hell and get it all out.

MightyQuim · 26/08/2011 20:23

I have a friend with non identical twin girls (9 months) and a 2 year old! She is short of sleep but absolutely loves it. Ignore peoples comments. She probably has no idea what twins are like and is just guessing. Very insensitive though so even if she thought it she could've said nothing!

picnicbasketcase · 26/08/2011 20:27

'Don't worry - We're planning on picking which one we like best and just giving her all our attention, it'll be fine.' And wait for the horrified expression.

BagofHolly · 26/08/2011 20:35

My DS is 2 and my twin boys are 7 months. It's been very very hard but they've been ill so we have had a tough time of it. But it's worth it. They're the brightest little sparkles you could ever wish to meet. I've had a few silly comments like "so you'll have to try for a girl" and "Were they natural?" That makes me feel a bit stabby! I can't fathom who how my children were conceived is anyone else's business! But the vast vast majority are excited and thrilled to see twins. Only last week a lady was cooing and talking to them at the till in Tesco. She touched my arm and said "your boys have made my day." How lovely!

Very best of luck. You'll be fine. We get through it.

waitofevidence · 26/08/2011 20:36

I had this kind of thing too when pg with my own two (also identical girls) but used to just think "well I don't care what they think, I feel it's a special thing to have twins". Sadly one of mind died and although a long time ago now I still sometimes have pangs of envy. Maybe this old lady had a similar experience?
Enjoy your twins and don't let this bother you.

ticklebumpkin · 26/08/2011 20:42

"your boys have made my day"

That's so lovely!

ticklebumpkin · 26/08/2011 20:42

waitofevidence, I'm so sorry

waitofevidence · 26/08/2011 20:55

Oh thanks ticklebumpkin (love your name!) I'm ok now, just trying to give OP a possible reason for this woman's comments.

blondieminx · 26/08/2011 22:20

I do think a certain type of old bat just likes to pull the cats bum face and make depressing comments :(

I once had a normal looking woman peer into DD's pram while we were in Sainsbury's and say "aww sweet... is she good" to which I replied yes (she's a little angel, we're very lucky) and she then said "well, you won't have another one like that". Charming. Then, a couple of weeks later I had the exact same conversation with another woman in Next, this time I had my reply ready "Excuse me, did you mean to sound like that" with a shocked face. Her face was a picture .

And of course, congratulations :) best of luck with your twins :)

hmc · 26/08/2011 23:04

And I do think a certain type of expectant mother looks to find offence where none was intended

hmc · 26/08/2011 23:05

I find it utterly precious. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if strangers never intiated a conversation

MyGoldfishIsEvil · 26/08/2011 23:18

You will get a lot of comments having twins, it's kin of inevitable. My best friend had twin girls and she showed me this very funny list of stupid comments people make about twins. Look it up, you just need to either ignore or laugh at the stupid comments. My friend was actually asked 'is one good and one bad?'. Seriously. Because one of each twin has to be evil doesn't it?!

Enjoy your twins - they are a blessing :)

GossipWitch · 26/08/2011 23:33

Oh wow twins, I've personally always wanted twin girls, I've even got the names for them. One of my real life friends had twins only two years after having dd2, I have a picture holding them both as newborns. They're three now and are brilliant, and their older sisters adore them, and my friend has managed to keep on top of all the housework, appts school runs etc brilliantly, she just says you need to stay organised that's all so don't worry.

DENMAN03 · 26/08/2011 23:37

Im an identical twin..My mum called us The Krays as we were just awful! One of us was ALWAYS awake.

It wasnt my mum you saw was it? She was probably just telling you the reality! Hardly rude.

Enjoy your twins!! I can say its the best thing ever having a twin sister! We are really close and it makes life fantastic having that sort of relationship (I have another sister and the relationship is nothing like that!)

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 00:49

Oh dear! What a rude woman! My favourite things that strangers said to me when pregnant were.

"My god, it's a prison sentence, really it is a PRISON SENTENCE!"

and

"It's due in October? UGH, you couldnt have planned it worse, it'll be dark and cold and you'll get depressed"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, nevermind them, you are SO lucky! I always wanted 3 girls! Good Luck, I bet it will be amazing!

Mumtabulous · 27/08/2011 01:08

OP, I know exactly how irksome those kind of comments can be, although usually the person who makes them doesn't mean to be rude. Twins are fab and I agree with the last poster, you are very lucky :-)

MaMattoo · 27/08/2011 02:37

YANBU..she probably meant well but people should learn to shutup! I nearly slapped an old lady at the hospital telling me I am sure there is more than one in there! Errr no I have a giant DS in there and I have gestational diabetes so piss off!
Another one actually kept her hand on my bump and said sadly your life will change so much tut tut!

Hormones + tactless rude people = loads of slaps waiting to be dished!

Congrats to you!! How lovely to have girls I always wanted one!

PerryCombover · 27/08/2011 02:46

ha ha
she thought she was being chatty and inoffensive

twins will be a handful

chutneypig · 27/08/2011 06:36

I think there is a difference between saying twins will be a handful and using words like hell and horrendous. And that it would, quite frankly, be much nicer if strangers didn't initiate conversations like that.

I would say, OP, the worst comments of that kind were while I was pregnant. I saw one girl nudge her friend and say very loudly 'bloody hell, look at that'. I know my bump was on the large side, but still . People were, generally, much kinder once I'd had the twins. Although I also had a comment on the 'he looks like the nice one' lines, DD was giving her the look of death at the time, so I could see her reasoning.

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