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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think not RSVP'ing to an invite is just plain rude?

15 replies

Syd35 · 26/08/2011 16:56

First time I'm having a birthday party for DS who is nearly 4 so I'm a little bit excited and trying to be organised.

I gave out the invites in plenty of time and am still waiting to hear back from 7 of the parents as to whether their DC will be attending or not. Admittedly I don't even know some of the invitees as the nursery provided a list of names who DS is friendly with, but I thought it would be common courtesy for people to at least respond to say if they're coming or not. I provided a mobile phone number and email address and am now getting slightly irritated by those who haven't got back to me.

It is next week and we have organised an entertainer to come and it would be nice to know numbers for the party bags and such like.

I personally always RSVP to invites so AIBU to wonder if not rsvp'ing is the norm, do people not rsvp and still turn up or should I just chill out and see who turns up on the day? Hmm

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 26/08/2011 17:05

I think it's rude but from experience with DS 's nursery friends it's fairly common to get nothing back from a large chunk of parents

Valetude · 26/08/2011 17:06

Totally normal for kids parties
As time goes on you start to get effusive thanks when you DO RSVP

dexter73 · 26/08/2011 17:07

Are you sure the parents got the invitation? Not sure if the nursery gave out the invites or you did.

ragged · 26/08/2011 17:07

ime, those who don't rsvp don't turn up... well, one or two maybe, but overwhelmingly no rsvp=not coming.

Hassled · 26/08/2011 17:08

YANBU but you are being (as I was) a bit naive expecting people to reply. They just don't - it doesn't even necessarily mean they won't show up on the day. Bitter experience has taught me this - it drives me insane, although you're right that chilling out about it is probably the best policy :o.

ragged · 26/08/2011 17:09

I always rsvp even if DC not coming... but once or twice I've had an almost hostile response about it. I can see why some people wouldn't bother to rsvp after that.

Takitezee · 26/08/2011 17:10

YANBU but unfortunately it's very common.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 26/08/2011 17:12

I had the same problem for DD1's birthday party. I ended up asking the parents at Sports Day whether their DCs would be coming, and got this look of, 'of course...' Hmm

A friend of mine had success when she put on the invitations, 'please let me know whether [DC] will be coming or not...' Maybe some people don't know what RSVP means?

babycham42 · 26/08/2011 17:14

YANBU. Unfortunately it does seem to be common and its so frustrating when you need to know numbers for food, party bags etc. Next time I"m giving a particular date to RSVP by and assuming that people I haven"t heard from by then are unlikely to be coming. I won"t say they can"t come if they reply later than that particularly if there"s a good reason but if there isn"t I may make a throwaway comment. I would also ask them if I saw them.

PigeonPair · 26/08/2011 17:15

Not unreasonable at all. If I haven't had replies by a week before the party, I e-mail and ask and most people are very apologetic. No way I am busting a gut baking and making sandwiches without knowing roughly how many are coming!

OldBagWantsNewBag · 26/08/2011 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnotherJaffaCake · 26/08/2011 17:18

YANBU. When we organised DD's 4th birthday party, we needed to confirm numbers with the soft play centre where the party was being held. We gave our email address, telephone number and mobile number and yet still had to chase up some of the parents to see if their children were coming or not.

We always reply to invites to say whether DD will be going or not. Having said that, though, one party we tried to ring to confirm and the person who answered said they didn't know anything about a party and queried whether we had the right number (we did!). It took two more calls to get hold of the child's mother! So I can see why some people don't bother to RSVP.

northerngirl41 · 26/08/2011 17:19

It is SO rude - definitely put a deadline on it next time e.g. "RSVP by 1st Sept to XXXXX so we can confirm catering numbers" - it might help with the stragglers...

But frankly if I didn't get an RSVP then they'd be off my invite list for next time. Sad that their kids will miss out on life because their parents are so incredibly socially inept.

PorkChopSter · 26/08/2011 17:25

Last whole class party I did I had a 50% RSVP rate. Which was 15 people who may or not show up on the day with siblings ... my nerves can't take that sort of uncertainty! Next time I'm going for the "Party is on X date at Y time - RSVP for more details" type of approach.

Original poster
Syd35 · 26/08/2011 18:11

Thanks for the comments, bit happier knowing it's the norm Smile

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