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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider doing a personal bankruptcy without telling 'DH'?

52 replies

Atwaroverscrabble · 26/08/2011 11:20

ok....
I have just had my session with CCCS and one of the main recommendations was to consider bankruptcy... this is really tempting and I wish I had acted on it 8 years ago but I thought I could manage it all... I had, and still have the opinion that I took out the debts so I should pay them back but its becoming impossible. These are debts from my bad divorce from xdh in 2003 (Awful solicitor, I ended up with most of his debts! arghhh)

anyway, in our house, hubby (been together 5 years, dsd (16) my ds (12) and our DD (21 months)) gives me a chunk of his wages each month towards bills etc and then I pay everything. It is tight and any suggestions of more money is met with huge arguments and tension... (he basically fritters/drinks £200-£300 a month...)
this has really affected my ability to pay my debts, along with the periods of when dh wasn't working/paying less than he should have done...

we have no assets, no savings and I still have 7-8 months of my PhD left and no job lined up yet...

we are arguing alot and I don't know if we will stay together or not, and I know that if I say I am doing this he will moan, metaphorically bash me on the head with this etc and try and say it will affect our future hopes of buying a house. my thoughts are that my credit record is shit anyway, and at least with bankruptcy in 6 years it will be clear, without it we will have no money and still have the debts on the credit records!

would IBU if I just did it and didn't really tell him?

OP posts:
lachesis · 26/08/2011 16:24

'Going bankrupt will seriously affect your job chances.'

Not in most cases, such as when you have a job that is considered a 'person of trust'. You can find a list online of jobs that might be affected by bankrupcy (be aware that laws are different in Scotland from England and Wales). In Scotland, it's only an issue until the bankrupcy is discharged, usually in 12 months after the claimant is made insolvent. During the undischarged time, you cannot hold a 'position of trust', but you can after that.

It is the best decision for some, and, having worked with CCCS, if they recommend this, it's probably the best option for you.

TotemPole · 26/08/2011 16:39

Atwaroverscrabble, the chunk he gives you, is that a fair amount towards the household bills?

Original poster
Atwaroverscrabble · 26/08/2011 16:54

Thanks everyone...

Re the money from dh... I would say no, dh says yes so i am cutting down what the household budget covers so no more beer, minimum newspapers, cutting down on treats etc... All the usual budgetting stuff but i'm not bowing to pressure. If he wants extra, he buys it.....

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 26/08/2011 19:00

If you go bankrupt anything you own can be taken that includes jewellery, or even a £5 premium bond, they can also seize your car if it is worth more than £1,500.00.

You won't ever be able to get a mortgage well not for the duration of the bankruptcy or for six years after as that is how long it stays on your credit file for.

You would be better doing an IVA.

FabbyChic · 26/08/2011 19:02

Oh and if you and your husband ever split how would you ever get rented accomodation? You wouldn't as you would be a bad credit risk.

Honeydragon · 26/08/2011 19:08

Bankruptcy means your assets can be seized, also your bankruptcy will be in the paper and public knowledge. Anyone who comes across it could tell him. On top of that you may no longer be able to keep your bank account so he will want to know why you can only have a very basic account and have no debit card.

You can start the process behind his back but it will be very difficult to keep it a secret. Plus if your situation improves fairly quickly your creditors will want to know why? And finally how will you raise the money to pay for the bankruptcy?

Bankruptcy always looks easy...it's not. I fail to see how you can do it in secret. And yes it will affect you trying for a mortgage, after 6 years it will be wiped from your file. But the bank will still see cleared credit all at once and make assumptions from that.

LadyGrace · 26/08/2011 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeydragon · 26/08/2011 19:15

Judging from the limited info the op has provided would indicate there is no way she would be able to maintain an IVA, she wouldn't be able to afford it Sad

trixymalixy · 26/08/2011 19:20

I think it would be very unfair of you to do it without telling your DH. You need to sit down with him and tell him how bad things are and even take him along to your next meeting with the CCCS.

DialMforMummy · 26/08/2011 19:43

You should tell him. If your relationship has a chance to survive, it will not help to start lying to him. Even if it seems the best solution right now to avoid a clash.
He sounds like someone keen to bury his head in the sand, so I am sure it won't be easy.

ToothbrushThief · 26/08/2011 19:56

You should tell him.

It's separate to your decision regarding the relationship and needs separating in your head.

If you feel he should be paying more, then that is a conversation that needs to be had without blackmailing him with bankruptcy...however it may be relevant if you feel it is contributing.

I don't know your circumstances but feel concerned that you a) blame ex for current financial crisis b) blame current DP for current financial crisis. Either you are blaming anyone but yourself, or you pick partners who cause you financial grief. I'd really sit down and consider how you will avoid this in the future. I hope you manage to sort all of this out because it must be very stressful for you.

Original poster
Atwaroverscrabble · 26/08/2011 21:29

Hi, thanks for the comments and yes i will discuss this with dh.

I do blame my ex, yes. I was systematically bullied for 10 years by him and have been through extensive counselling over this. He has also since admitted he persuaded me to take on his debts with threats to punish me for ending the marriage. Two weeks after the divorce he entered an iva for the debts he had left and was planning this all along.... But i have moved on from this, plus the fact that he has screwed me over maintenance but i know from my counselling that this was another way of controlling....

Re this relationship, i gave in too quickly and have seen some of the similar behaviours but i am stronget now thanks to mumsnet and am not putting up with it. I wish i had found mn during my first marriage!

I have been assured that they dont come and check your house for valuables and tbh i wouldnt care as i have none... No flatscreen tv etc and my car is 16 years old with a blown head gasket!

I am not on a salary, just a bursary and so an IVA isnt suitable

My credit history is totally ruined anyway

I already operate a basic bank account

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 26/08/2011 21:53

Good, the CCCS don't suggest bankruptcy lightly, so they must think its the most viable option for your financial survival at present. Hopefully it will make him at least address how hard budgeting is for you.

lachesis · 26/08/2011 22:01

Listen to the CCCS rather than a bunch of people online. I've worked with them. They do not suggest bankrupcy lightly. In fact, almost never.

If this is what they counsel, go with it. Draw a line under this and get on with your life.

You do not need to justify yourself to people here and if you have no assets there is nothing to seize (they can't do this at all in Scotland if you are here unless you have debts to the council, HMRC, DWP, the like).

PeggyCarter · 26/08/2011 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeggyCarter · 26/08/2011 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lachesis · 26/08/2011 22:06

V. true, the Joyful. As long as you have a bank account with no overdraft facility and they are not a creditor, you'll be able to keep your account just fine. If not, Barclay, Co-Op and Clydesdale offer basic accounts for people who are undischarged bankrupts with no hassle.

No problem with utilities, either, unless you are in arrears.

Honeydragon · 26/08/2011 22:14

Can I just say it was me that commented on a basic account, I mentioned it not as an issue but to point out that if she had to change her account than she would have to explain why Smile

I did not mention it as a reason for the op not to consider BR, as she seems well informed by the CCCS

Original poster
Atwaroverscrabble · 26/08/2011 22:41

Thank you. Luckily i have no debt at my bank so hopefully that will be ok...

The really frustrating bit is having to find the fee! Apparently i will prob only have to find about £500 but still! Oh well, nct sale in october so will sell stuff then and i will see if i have anything i can ebay or carboot towards it....

Thanks everyone for your comments. I mentoned briefly to dh that i had spoken with cccs today about the debts and poss wiping them all but didnt have a chance to tell him fully or mention the b word... Hopefully tomorrow....

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 26/08/2011 22:47

Are you going to try and continue paying your creditors whilst you save for the fee if you do go ahead?

If you do don't tell your creditors you are trying to go ahead with br or they'll decide if you can raise the money to do that you can raise extra to pay them and get crappy. If you really have to stop ask them to speak to the CCCs or lie through your teeth about a temporary cash problem and ask for a cb in so many weeks when its sorted Wink

The cccs will help with this though if you ask Smile

lachesis · 26/08/2011 22:49

I'm presuming because you've been working with CCCS, that your debts are greater than £15,000 and that is why you must go bankrupt at the higher rate. If not, of course, then Debt Relief Order (DRO) is for you, the fee is about £100.

Sorry, I volunteer with CAB now and a lot of our clients are in some bad situations.

Also, please check with your council. Some of them offer solicitors and help with fees for bankrupcy for the indigent.

I have worked with many, many people now and every one of them, it was not from living frivolously. 9 times out of 10, the debt is from a split up with a very bad spouse or partner or redundancies.

CCCS is great and so is the bankrupcy board at moneysavingexpert because it is moderated for no judging. It is a place for help, support and advice not judgement and I highly recommend it if you have not found it already.

You need to tell your DH, though. Just come clean and do it. Draw a line under this when you can.

I can't say I've seen a client yet whom this hasn't changed ror the better, tbh. They leave their old, bad lives behind and are able to move on in so many ways.

It's not the end of the world. The lead-up is worse than the afterwards in all cases I've seen.

lachesis · 26/08/2011 22:51

And honeydragon is so right. We liase with CCCS and other charities often. We tell our clients and help them to inform their creditors they are having to pursue bankrupcy under sanctioned legal advice.

SuchProspects · 26/08/2011 22:53

I think YABU to stay married to a man you want to hide your bankruptcy from. I mean this in the kindest possible way, but you sound like you pick men who use you financially. Whatever you do about the debt, please spend some time (and money if you have to) working out how to treat yourself better.

NorfolkBroad · 26/08/2011 22:53

My Dp was in a financial mess when I met her (owed alot of money but was at least organised and knew exactly how much she owed to whom etc had all paperwork) It was her honesty and openess about the situation that made it so much easier for us to deal with together. She sought advice, took action and some years later she/we are almost sorted and the interevening time hasn't been that bad at all because we know that the money situation is under control. Lessons learned etc. Please tell your DH.

Original poster
Atwaroverscrabble · 27/08/2011 07:22

I am sending off the cccs template letter with my budget and list of creditors offerring a £1 each this weekend. I wont tell them i am considering bankruptcy although i have been warned i will get lots of threats etc and actually it would be handy if one of them did the bankruptcy as that would save me having to pay the fee but again i have been told this is very unlikely as i have no assetts so they would lose loads....

OP posts: