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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it me or is this just madness?

50 replies

amistillsexy · 26/08/2011 09:13

Posted on Freecycle by someone who tells us in her intro that she is a student:
Wanted-I am moving into my first flat, I have a few bits but still need a
Colour TV not a portable as I have 1 of those...

She goes on to say that she also needs a microwave, but I'm prepared to overlook that [unsure].

I mean, what the actual fuck? She already has one TV,but she needs another, BIGGER one for her STUDENT FUCKING FLAT!!!!!

I'm sorry but I really think the world's gone potty.

I have to add that the only TVs I have owned have been passed down by well-meaning friends and relatives. 2 have actually been inherited from relatives who passed on. None of them are 'flat screen' or anything fancy.
I have recently 'inherited' a newer one, so I now have a large TV and a portable to Freecycle, but no-one takes them as they are not flat screen! My advert is about 5 down from this one!

OP posts:

PrincessScrumpy · 26/08/2011 18:34

My dad has got stuff frim feecycle and he has lots of money, big house no mortgage, 4 cars. It's about being environmentally friendly - he has also put lots of good quality stuff he doesn't need anymore on the site.

Do you think it should be means teasted?

We have an old style tv - dh is desperate for a flat screen but I'm saying no as it works fine. When I finally cave in, I would far rather someone had the telly than take it to the dump. tbh, the poorest friends I have (those who claim to be poor) tend to have the largest flat screens.

Microwave is fairly standard for student living.

FigsAndWine · 26/08/2011 18:45

I can't think why you're getting such a roasting OP, I don't think YABU at all. I'm on Freecycle, and I am always a bit at 'wanted' ads for expensive consumerables. They clutter up the board/emails when the space is better taken up by offers, and requests for essential or niche (and usually low value) stuff. You can say 'Oh well it's worth a try' to post asking for something cheeky, but I still think it's greedy. I agree that asking for a second tv is really cheeky; especially if she only wants flatscreen.

breatheslowly · 26/08/2011 20:14

If she had said "would like" instead of "need" would that be ok? Or are you just bothered that she didn't want your particular TV?

Original poster

amistillsexy · 26/08/2011 20:41

Princess I use Freecycle all the time to offer and 'want' things. I also request other's offers and I 'offer' other's 'wanteds'. I use it. I don't care two hoots about whether someone is poor or not. Your point about your TV could have been written by me. My Tvs are old, but in good working condition. Anyone is welcome to them.

OK, just to clear this up. The student is in her first 'student flat' (her words). I've been in 'student flats'. I've lived in 'student flats'. I've even tried to make them look nice (!). If she'd said she'd just moved and had no TV and would like one (thanks, breatheslowly), that would have been fine. If she'd said she'd lke a TV but it would have to be a thin one as she only had a tiny lounge, again, fine.
If she'd said that she'd just moved into a student house and, although she had a portable TV in her room, they thought it would be nice for them to have a big TV in the shared lounge, I'd be in there like a shot with an offer. I'd probably take them a casserole around as well. I'm like that.
It was the fact that she is moving into her 'own flat' (ie living on her own). She has a TV. She wants two TVs. No, she needs two TVs. I have offered a portable and a large TV in the last couple of days. She has not replied to those offers. She does not want my 'old' large TV.

little piglet you've got what I'm on about. It's those 'I need everything' posts that I'm talking about, when 'everything' turns out to be things I'd consider luxuries (like 2 TVs!).

By the way, LRD, I don't want to get into an argument with you about how poor students are. I never inplied that you 'should be very poor and very grateful for any old crap that's not good enough for me any more.' You have no idea about how I paid (nor how much I paid!) for my education (although you don't seem to mind making your own implications!). You say you have been a student since 2003. That's a long time. You are obviously very committed to your education. You don't own a TV or a microwave. If you came on our Freecycle you could have your choice of 2 TVs, but no microwave as I've never owned one (despite eating lots of beans).

OP posts:

LRDTheFeministDragon · 26/08/2011 20:59

Ok, I'm sorry if I overreacted. I did take it a bit personally. Let me explain how I see it:

I questioned whether or not you paid for your education. I'm not knocking you for that (I think it is brilliant and only wish education were still free). But it is relevant because I do think attitudes are going to be different if someone is paying through the nose for education.

Many students live in shared houses - this one lives on her own. I'm a student, but my DH and I moved out of shared student housing a while ago because, frankly, it was grim. I feel a bit judged by extension, you see.

Quite a lot of people are pretty patronizing about students. I feel very fortunate that in this country I can study. It's great. But a lot of people seem to think if you're a student you should be grateful for any crap that's shoved your way, and it makes you feel as if what you're doing is totally worthless and sponger-y. I've been told it's like fraudulenty claiming benefits, that it's not real work, and that I must still be 'living of the bank of mum and dad'.

So, that's why I overreacted. It did feel a bit close to the bone what you said.

Original poster

amistillsexy · 26/08/2011 21:23

I wasn't intending to be patronising about students, LRD, and fwiw, I am so poor the church mice help me out.

My issue was with the idea that someone (anyone) needing 2 TVs! I still think it's a total shocker! She can only watch one at once, after all, and the one she has is portable !!!

OP posts:

LRDTheFeministDragon · 26/08/2011 22:02

Ok, I was being over sensitive to the extra stuff you said ... I would have agreed with the two TVs thing, just felt a bit strange about the other comments. Sorry.

FigsAndWine · 26/08/2011 22:15

I have spent a shameful amount of my adult life as a student. I did not feel that, at any point, that anyone owed me a (flat screen) telly, or anything else, frankly. I think the OP's point was that when you are starting out and making your own way in the world, one should not expect to be given multiple flat screen tellies. I do not think that this view could in any way be construed as unreasonable. Or is that just me?

LRDTheFeministDragon · 26/08/2011 22:27

I think that's what freecycle is for ... it's not that she thinks she's owed it, it's that she's asking to have it rather than have the owner tip it.

I suspect I have overly idealistic views of freecycle though - my dad gave away (thank god, he keeps far too much) a load of childrens' furniture a while back and the people who picked it up were amazingly nice, so I see it as a great way to get my hoarder dad to feel he can get rid of things and not waste them.

mymummyisasquarehead · 26/08/2011 22:36

Jeez, get off your high horse!

As for all the fuckety-fucking, what the fuckety fuck has it to do with you?! She's a student; is she not entitled to ask for a microwave and a telly?!

Judgmental much?
Over-reacting much?

trixymalixy · 26/08/2011 22:45

at some of the replies you have got!

YANBU!!

TidyDancer · 26/08/2011 23:46

YANBU. My local Freecycle gets a bit like this sometimes, and it's almost always the same two or three people requesting the 'big' items.

I've seen wanted ads for cars, BlackBerrys, Apple items, etc. Someone in the past week asked for a PSP and other things for their child's birthday. It's just very grabby when the wanted ads are for luxury items.

On the one hand, I think since no one is obligated to actually give these items, people can ask for whatever they want, but I couldn't bring myself to ask for things I didn't actually need (and none of the items above were absolute necessities). It just seem incredibly cheeky.

TheSecondComing · 27/08/2011 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TotemPole · 27/08/2011 01:35

but I would deliver it if they asked!

amistillsexy, yet other freecyclers would think it cheeky/taking the piss if they were asked to deliver.

foreverwino · 27/08/2011 05:56

I had 2 tvs as a student in the 90s. One for my bedroom and a big one for the kitchen. There were 12 of us in the flat so it had to be big for everyone to see. What is so wrong with that?

trixymalixy · 27/08/2011 09:14

The point of freecycle is to pass on things you no longer need that would otherwise go to landfill not for people to take the piss asking for things.

G1nger · 27/08/2011 10:35

I don't mind giving away small things on Freecycle, but I made the mistake of giving away a settee and armchair on there a few months ago and it just felt so very 'grabby'. (I'd cut off the fire labels, so didn't think I could sell them - and a charity furniture collection place didn't want them because of it). The woman turned up - very posh - and said that actually it was for her new conservatory... And I just felt that - yes, it's all free and meant to be - but would it have been so very hard to offer a bottle of wine or something as a 'thank you'?

So when I needed to get rid of my spare double bed recently, I tried very hard to get a charity to collect it - but they're rubbish at responding to things. I made repeated attempts at contacting several charities over the course of a fortnight - and nothing! It would only have netted about £80 on Ebay, I figured, even though it cost £400 for the frame. So I gave it away... The person turned up thinking he could 1) Take it - a double bed! - home in a taxi; 2) was so feckless that he couldn't / wouldn't handle a screwdriver to take it apart for ease of transportation; 3) The last we saw/heard of it was the solid wood, good quality frame being dragged screeching along the pavement and road to get onto the truck that he'd come back with.

God, I hate Freecycle.

Waltons · 27/08/2011 12:48

G1nger - if you are expecting something in return for stuff that you Freecycle, it isn't for you. The whole point is that it is for getting rid of stuff that you no longer want, that you attach no monetary value to personally and that you want to save from going to landfill.

It matters not a jot whether someone is posh, poor or has a new conservatory. A thank you email for larger, more valuable items is always gratefully received though.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 27/08/2011 14:09

foreverwino I had 2 tvs as a student in the 90s. One for my bedroom and a big one for the kitchen. There were 12 of us in the flat so it had to be big for everyone to see. What is so wrong with that?

Well for 12 people that is obviously fine. It sounded to me though that the student in the OP lived alone, or at least owned a tv herself already.

G1nger · 27/08/2011 17:58

Waltons - I didn't want or expect something in return for the settee and armchair - I just thought it would have been nice. It's basic rules of social interaction versus 'freecycle rules' which jar a little with me. I thought if someone was going to come along and take several hundred pounds of furniture (when new) which I had said I was only giving away because I had no choice, the least she could have done is said thank you in such a way and not just go on about how it would go well in their new conservatory...

But you're right, freecycle really isn't for me.

Waltons · 27/08/2011 18:02

A lot depends on where you live as well, G1nger. Some groups are lovely and other stink to high heaven. Freegle tends to be nicer than Freecycle these days - a lot more genuine people on it because it isn't so well known. Semi-rural groups seem to be the best ones because they attract fewer eBayers than urban groups.

MrsMcgee · 27/08/2011 19:47

Are you even sure that she's living on her own the fact that it's her first flat doesn't mean it's not shared, its just so common to share flats as a student that it's not worth mentioning. In any case she'll probably have friends round and all crowding round a portable TV is fairly difficult (assuming you want the luxury of all being able to see it), and TV is a fairly cheap form of entertainment - £12 a month for a TV license and a TV of freecycle. I really have no idea what your problem is - sure she probably should have said want not need, but is it really worth posting a little rant about?
Also - I love the fact you've let everyone assume she wants a flat screen - from your post she just wants a bigger one, and you mention that you've never had a flat screen - but does she specifically ask for one? And the fact that she hasn't replied to your offer may just mean that she hasn't been online.
It also strikes me as odd that in your later posts this has nothing about her being a student (it's about "anyone" wanting 2 TVs) but in your original post you not only mentioned it (would you have mentioned she's a doctor, teacher, businessman etc) but put it in bold.

CaptainMartinCrieff · 27/08/2011 19:51

The British Heart Foundation have a few 'home/electrical' charity shops and I think they will collect items including televisions. You'll have to google to see if there is one near you. So if no one wants your not flat screen telly, they might be able to get something for it.

Serenitysutton · 27/08/2011 19:55

She hasn't even specified flat screen- I'm not sure what the preoccupation with that is...

Idlegirl83 · 27/08/2011 20:01

Little piglet - I thought the £500 sure start maternity grant had now been scrapped? If not, I missed out 3 months ago with my first! :)

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