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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I should be able to sleep in my own bed

34 replies

Poogles · 25/08/2011 07:50

...when the outlaws visit, especially when there are 2 perfectly good single beds and I have work the next day (especially after I told DH to tell his parents they were sleeping in the single beds). Grrr... DH thinks I am making an issue because I am pee'd off with his parents over something else (which again involves them being selfish muppets with no consideration for anyone but themselves)

Had to come to work today wearing DH deodorant as I forgot to get mine out of our bedroom and god forbid we wake them!

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 07:52

How often do they stay over?

Sofabitch · 25/08/2011 07:53

Um no that is terrible. Why don't you buy one of those things that joins 2 beds together then they can sleep in the spare room?

Shanghaidiva · 25/08/2011 07:54

YANBU - why can't they sleep in the single beds? If I were staying with family, I would not expect them to give up their bed for me.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 25/08/2011 07:59

YANBU. Some guests are so rude- I would never expect hosts to give up their bed. It's your husbands fault though for not explaining the sleeping arrangements more clearly to them.

Whatmeworry · 25/08/2011 08:01

I am surprised they took your bedroom, but you said they were selfish! DH is way out of order.

ZillionChocolate · 25/08/2011 08:05

Why did you vacate?! I wouldn't have.

Bubbaluv · 25/08/2011 09:00

Does your DH know why a guest room is called a guest room?

thekidsmom · 25/08/2011 09:02

I would never take someone's bedroom when
I'm on a visit - its just not done! The only exception would be a health issue and older folk who can't sleep on the settee etc - but it sounds like there's a perfectly good alternative for them here

Original poster
Poogles · 25/08/2011 09:46

Thanks all - I'm didn't think I was being unreasonable! I could understand if we were asking them to sleep on a sofa bed or something but these are normal, full size singles (and I can confirm are quite comfortable!). What really annoyed me is that the shower is in the ensuite so I had to have a quick bath this morning which is not as quick & easy as a shower!

The only reason I vacated my room is because if an argument had started I wouldn't have held back on a few other things and we would have had world war 3! DH is under strict orders to address some things with his parents otherwise I will. I have also told him that if they don't want to sleep in the single beds in future then can either book a hotel or not come!

Luckily we don't see them very often - they've come down to pick the DC up. They are taking them back to their house for a few days as MIL doesn't like me around when she has the DC as she gets jealous if they want a cuddle from me rather than her etc. I think she likes to believe that she is the centre of their orbit and thinks I'm mean when I say no to sweets before breakfast (especially as she will then imply that I am a bad parent as DC won't eat breakfast - err, hello, they do normally when not filled up with crap first!)

Sorry - turning into a MIL rant. Breathe! And I haven't even started on Christmas yet...!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 25/08/2011 09:51

I do think you sound a bit petty.

It is probably easier for them to use your bedroom if it has an ensuite.

Wearing your husbands deodorant is hardly a major issue.

femalevictormeldrew · 25/08/2011 09:53

YANBU and I would not give up my bed for anyone. In fact I'd like to see someone having the courage to remove me from it. Next time they come tell your DH he can sleep between them because you'll be having the guest room to yourself.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 25/08/2011 09:56

As above, does your DH not know why a guest bedroom is thus named?

I have never known anyone in RL stay with someone and expect to have their bed. Its just so rude!

clam · 25/08/2011 09:57

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I've recently succumbed to giving up our room to my parents, but they are 80 and our guest bed is not terribly comfortable - up against the wall so involves one person clambering awkwardly to get up. They're past all that really.
BUT, I hate it - silently. I like my routine in the morning with all my things around me, specially if I'm going to work.
The thing is, now you've given it up once, haven't you set an expectation for next time?

TheOriginalFAB · 25/08/2011 09:59

YANBU. How did this come about?

SardineQueen · 25/08/2011 10:09

YANBU

Not at all.

So you need to get up and go to work - no shower and no access to all your stuff? So presumably you needed to move out all your clothes makeup and whatever you need for your day?

I think that is ridiculous.

Andrewofgg · 25/08/2011 10:28

YANBU, lay the law down, and TNS about it.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 25/08/2011 10:46

YADNBU. Me and DH nearly divorced when he offered his friend and his boyfriend my bed.
My bed is lovely and comfy, the spare is less so but adequate. I told DH he could share with those two if he wanted, in the spare room.
OTOH, we recently moved, DH stayed in Antwerp with my lovey big comfy bed and I've got a queen size now. DD has a single and we have a fold up thing left by the last owners.
My parents are coming next week, they can have my bed as they are too big to squeeze into a single together. I'll go into DDs and she can go on odd foldup thing.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 25/08/2011 10:47

By the way Andrew what is TNS?

HopeEternal · 25/08/2011 11:22

I think it means Take No Shit. But I could be wrong.

Andrewofgg · 25/08/2011 13:13

HopeEternal You are right.

ShoutyHamster · 25/08/2011 13:19

Guest room is for guests.

Please make it clear to your DH that him enabling their crass, rude behaviour in even accepting their hosts' bed is not helping to endear them to you.

However it sounds as if your MIL needs putting quite firmly in her place on a few other things before you even get to the topic of them staying again, I think. The message to convey is, if she wants to make it clear she has a problem with the way her grandchildren are being raised - she'd better stay the fuck away from them and their family :)

JosieRosie · 25/08/2011 13:22

YANBU at all OP. Would only give up my bed if there were medical issues as thekidsmom said. DH needs to have a good chat with them. And himself!

LRDTheFeministDragon · 25/08/2011 13:32

That is very odd of them.

I would not care to sleep in someone else's marital bed. Can you 'accidentally' leave a condom under the pillow or something?

LRDTheFeministDragon · 25/08/2011 13:33

Or tell them merrily 'this is where DC1 was conceived!'?

VelvetSnow · 25/08/2011 13:35

OP - reading between the lines here, and apologies if I'm way out.

IMO your PILs do not regard you as having any authority in your own house, DH is the boss and what he says goes.

So if DH says parents can have your bed then that's it IYSWIM.

If you want your DH and your PILs to have any respect for you at all then it's time to put your foot down.

In this case, it's as much you & DH fault as it is PILs.

Sorry you have trouble with them, you and DH need to make a stand together.

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