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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or was this woman?

50 replies

SouthernFriedTofu · 23/08/2011 21:03

Went to breakfast at the weekend with dd and dh this is a family restaurant (Denny's if you are familiar with the states at all) and not a "naice" place at all. Typically noisy with greasy lovely breakfasts.

As we were eating a hostess brought two women to sit at a table near us at the exact same time dd (who hadn't made a peep other than to gurgle at everyone sitting next to us) decided to screech like her life depended on it.

Lovely lady says Oh no, I don't think so! as loudly as possible. Her poor friend looked mortified and immediately went on to babble at dd as though to make up for friend's nasty behaviour.

AIBU or was the correct response for the woman being seated to say "oh I prefer to sit over there, by the window/ at a bigger table/ just about anything besides what she did say?

Btw I am not precious in general and hate to sit to next to noisy kids myself - but I would never be so rude to a parent trying to have some breakfast especially in a Denny's

I wanted to say "well, she didn't want to sit next to you either" on the way out but I actually felt bad for her friend

OP posts:

Hulababy · 23/08/2011 22:25

It's not about expecting them to behave as adults either. It's about adults taking appropriate action if and when little ones do get too ott in a restaurant, such as taking a screaming child out for a while.

Original poster

SouthernFriedTofu · 23/08/2011 22:28

Will keep it in mind penguin

Thank you shecutoffhertails it is rare someone agrees with me on this thread about anything besides the awesomness of Denny's

OP posts:

HipHopOpotomus · 23/08/2011 22:36

I wouldn't want to be sestet next to crying baby either and I don't take offence if people don't want to sit next to mr and dd's .

I think you are being oversensitive

HipHopOpotomus · 23/08/2011 22:37

ME not mr
iPhone

hmc · 23/08/2011 22:38

The woman concerned was needlessly and pointedly passively aggressive. Her friend's compensating reaction says it all. Am genuinely suprised that some posters don't seem to see this . I definitely would have said something to her and I can be extremely withering

I don't relish sitting next to noisy children now my dc are past that stage - but I appreciate that small children (and their parents) can't exactly help it, so I would have said discreetly "any chance of a table by the window" or something similar (i.e. a neutral 'get out of it' excuse) whilst smiling disarmingly at the parents of the child concerned.

hmc · 23/08/2011 22:43

Incidentally, ime this sort of thing will bother you less if you express your thoughts at the time as freely as this charming lady did...gives some sort of (i hate this word) -closure.

Original poster

SouthernFriedTofu · 23/08/2011 22:43

so I would have said discreetly "any chance of a table by the window" or something similar

And I would have appriciated you for it, I like dd but don't expect everyone else too ! I did genuinely feel bad for friend or would have said something

OP posts:

hmc · 23/08/2011 22:44

Fair enough - you sound very considerate, thinking of her friend's discomfort like that.

Original poster

SouthernFriedTofu · 23/08/2011 22:45

you are probably right, I think the fact that I couldn't comment back is why I am still slightly annoyed

OP posts:

upahill · 23/08/2011 22:45

TBH I wouldn't have sat next to you either if I had a choice.
It may have been one screach but how was anyone to know if there were more to follow or not.
I think it probably came out worse than it was meant.

Original poster

SouthernFriedTofu · 23/08/2011 22:46

I have a very good friend and a mother who seem to have talking out of their ass with their foot in their mouth syndrome and often have to do what the friend did! I am most sympathetic with her plight

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 23/08/2011 22:48

All a fuss about nothing. Your DD screamed-she didn't want to sit next to her. She wasn't rude to you-just a bit tactless and said the first thing that came into her head-lots of people aren't at their best first thing in the morning!

NorfolkBroad · 23/08/2011 22:58

I think you are being a little bit oversensitive as we all are sometimes. I LOVE kids, obviously have one young dd myself, work with kids etc. However I am also very sensitive to loud screechy noises so I would struggle not to react if anyone made a sudden loud scream. Don't know if I would say what she said but if you are very sensitive to loud noises it is understandable if you react quite sharply. Also though if i am having a nice girly coffee with a friend without our children I would not choose to sit next to a family, just because it's nice to have a break if you know what I mean!

manticlimactic · 24/08/2011 00:07

If I go into a restaurant without my DC I ask to be seated away from children. You''d have thought I asked to eat the children by the look on their face.

iscream · 24/08/2011 07:48

I do think that woman was rude to say that within your earshot.
Try and not dwell on it, children do not have mute buttons, and Denny's is a family restaurant.

iscream · 24/08/2011 07:54

I wouldn't have said anything to the woman btw, there isn't much point, and it could start an argument. Why lower yourself to her level. Your child was just being natural, it isn't like you were allowing her to throw food around, or changing her at the table.

Or.... breast feeding.

exoticfruits · 24/08/2011 08:08

I wonder how many of you are tactful at breakfast? I don't generally like to even talk to people at that time of day!

Katiepoes · 24/08/2011 09:11

My 15 month old likes to screech every so often, I think she's letting off steam (her father thinks she's singing). It's the most awful high pitched noise, and I say this as her adoring mother. I wouldn't expect anyone anywhere to just put up with it and would have no problem with that woman - what was so bad about 'I don't think so'? Would you have preferred her to stay put and mutter and give your baby dirty looks?

Runlolarun · 24/08/2011 09:19

Yes YABVU. Denny's is disgusting and why on earth would anyone want to sit next to a screeching child?

Tillyscoutsmum · 24/08/2011 09:32

It would have annoyed me too OP.

For those that say a screeching/noisy/tantrumming child should be removed, how does it work logistically when you are there on your own with 2 or 3 dc's ? I'm not being sarcastic btw, I geniunely struggle with it. DS can be a PITA - do I take him, and dd's all outside leaving our meals/belongings etc. where they are and stopping them eating their meal (when they aren't misbehaving) ?

sue52 · 24/08/2011 10:37

I've been to couple of Denny's restaurants. They are great for families with young children. If you don't like a bit of noise, stay away.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/08/2011 10:52

I really disagree that people should have to put up with screaming children. Diners and similar places are open to one and all and screeching doesn't constitute 'a bit of noise'.

OP... how was this woman supposed to know that you would have intervened if the screeching had gone on longer than the two seconds you say it did? Some parents would take their children out - many more wouldn't, they feel entitled to inflict their noisy children on everybody else because it's a 'Denny's' or some other places where families like to go.

You weren't unreasonable but neither was she. Baby screaming is head-splitting and very unpleasant, it's completely different from normal child-babble, or it is to me.

I would have asked for a table near the door so that I could have ducked out with a screaming child. I suppose the waitress's perspective was to put the customers close together to cut down the 'running around'.

Original poster

SouthernFriedTofu · 24/08/2011 13:18

AIBU or was the correct response for the woman being seated to say "oh I prefer to sit over there/ by the window/ at a bigger table/ just about anything besides what she did say? Btw I am not precious in general and hate to sit to next to noisy kids myself - but I would never be so rude to a parent trying to have some breakfast especially in a Denny's

OP posts:

scrambedeggs · 24/08/2011 13:20

i probably would have said the same as the woman

who wants a screeching baby in their ear, first thing in the morning, or any time when you are trying to converse over a meal!

scrambedeggs · 24/08/2011 13:21

i was in a restaurant at the weekend and this baby was screeching - not crying just screaming at the top of its lungs

my son said to me, I dont think we will be staying long LOL - luckily they were just leaving, or else we would have

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