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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

resentment

14 replies

Parsnippercy · 22/08/2011 23:30

Ok, so I think I probably am being unreasonable here, but could do with some help to get me out of this mindset. I live a long way from my sister, so don't see as much of her as I would like. My DS is her godson. We asked her and her husband if they would like to go away on holiday together this year; they said no as had already committed to going away with other friends (who have a DS same age as ours) - fair enough. But they seem to be constantly going away for the weekend or seeing other people with babies same age and I suppose I'm jealous. I can feel this resentment building inside me, particularly as they are going to be away over my DS's first birthday (yep, with friends and their baby). I know the problem is in my head - how can I get over it? ("Stop it, you're being an idiot" isn't working...)

OP posts:
worraliberty · 22/08/2011 23:32

What is it you don't like about them visiting other people?

Is it the fact the other people have babies? Confused

Original poster
Parsnippercy · 22/08/2011 23:35

I think it is the babies thing. I think I'm jealous of her spending time with other people's babies when I'd like her to see more of my baby.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 22/08/2011 23:39

Oh I see. That does sound a little odd I must admit (not belittling you btw, it's obviously bothering you)

Do you think it might do you some good to have a few unbaby related hobbies?

The thing is, babies that small can be all consuming and before you know it...they're all you think about. Then you can end up totally over thinking things and feeling like you do now?

Disclaimer
That made perfect sense in my mind Blush

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 23:41

Do they have kids of their own?

dontquotem3 · 22/08/2011 23:42

I understand your feelings OP, makes you feel like you are less important (if that's the right word) than those who she seemingly makes time for. I sometimes feel this way about my SIL, who always manages to see everyone else except me and my DC. I have mentioned how I feel to her in the past, and granted she tells me that most of her others friends do complain about the same thing, but they do see her. Are you and your sister close? If you were to tell her about how you feel do you think she would be receptive? If not you may just have to find other things to do/people to visit with your child and try and get over it.
Best of luck.

Bestb411pm · 22/08/2011 23:46

Maybe you need to put on a face with it so it doesn't sound like a whine and just tell her you're missing her and would like to see her soon - when would be best for her?

Everybody likes to be wanted, but don't put your feelings on her it's not nice to feel obliged.

As for you, well I think worralibertys advice is good, time to distract yourself and give yourself some other things to think about and talk about with your sister!

muminthemiddle · 22/08/2011 23:46

I was thinking that too worraliberty.
Perhaps your bil is very good friends with the couple whom they are going away with?
I have never come across this before.
As worry says perhaps you could do some non-baby things, see friends who don't have children more perhaps.

Original poster
Parsnippercy · 22/08/2011 23:49

Thank you. No they don't have kids yet - think they might be trying and desperately don't want to give her unsollicited advice (after I had v bad experience with well-meaning friend) so have backed off. I'm not sure about speaking to her about it - I worry that if the contact I have with her is moaning at her, then it will not incline her to see more of me!
Worraliberty - I do agree about the over-thinking - am prone to it and having had a fairly consuming first year as a parent (more than your average) probably do need to take a step[ back and get out and about more as me rather than as mummy. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 22/08/2011 23:51

Send her an email and say hi honey, feeling a bit down today and it crossed my mind we don't see you enough. When are you coming to see your godson?

worraliberty · 23/08/2011 00:06

I wouldn't moan at her. How about a cheery phone call saying "I miss you, when are you coming to visit?"

That way you've actually said you miss her rather than 'I want you to see more of my baby'.

She might possibly think she's 'lost her sister to motherhood' if you know what I mean?

I remember thinking my best friend had changed beyond all recognition when she had a baby. It was all she talked about and I found it hard going...I almost grieved for our old relationship!

Then I had 3 sprogs of my own and totally understood what had 'happened' to her Blush

snippywoo2 · 23/08/2011 00:24

Tbh they have their own friends and their own life. As for the Godmother thing she was hardly likely to say No as your her sister, what else could she say without causing a family rift. If you don't feel you can contact her about it your not that close tbh and shes just not that interested, harsh but true sorry.

Rowena8482 · 23/08/2011 01:29

Maybe she just doesn't like you or your DH as much as she likes her friends? I have a sister and, although we ARE sisters, and in an emergency (which always seems to be her emergency and me running - a whole other rant) I run to her aid when "it matters" but day to day, I don't like her much and would rather do many things including clean the toilet, de-headlouse the kids, and eat cabbage than go anywhere with her...

dontquotem3 · 23/08/2011 04:24

yy worra

saffronwblue · 23/08/2011 05:11

DH said to SIL one day "let's get together with the kids this weekend". (Kids similar ages and like each other, we live 20 minutes apart.)
She said "Why?" Shock

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