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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to wish my grandmother would never utter the words "heat or eat" again

39 replies

Poweredbypepsi · 22/08/2011 19:42

My grandmother and friends are all alone since their husbands all died many years ago (they were all miners who seem to have a pretty short life span).
Today i spent an hour and a quarter holding the phone mumsnetting while my grandmother complained about how poor she is. Of course i just made encouraging noises at the right times but actually i cant understand how she can moan about being so poor unless she lived the life of a multimillionaire before my grandfather died (which i am fairly sure she didnt, granted i was only 9 when he died but still i think i would remember).

They all get basic state pension and pensions credits (i have no idea how much this is i assume not alot). But they have no mortgage or rent, reduced council tax I assume (from living alone) and I dont know if they are stopping it my grandmother has heard they are but last year they got money for winter fuel.
Now fair enough i have sympathy with them i know things are expensive BUT alongside moaning about this and repeatedly saying "its heat or eat isnt it" she told me my diet wasnt good enough because i dont eat meat everyday and described her 5th coach trip of the year, they eat out, they certainly dont lack clothes etc (i know this because i spent my teenage years being dragged around clothes shops with them after my mum died and they "took me under their wings") .

AIBU to think that they are being very overly dramatic claiming they will either starve of freeze to death? am i just heartless? why cant they eat cheaper meals or not go on some many trips? It may be that an hour of listening has just melted my brain but my grandmother actually has more leftover after bills than we do so i dont get it.

OP posts:

Valetude · 22/08/2011 21:10

Mine is the opposite. She's got too much money, nothing to spend it on, isn't particularly proud of having worked for it as she doesn't seem to need it. She says.

usualsuspect · 22/08/2011 21:10

I don't think having a TV is a luxury when you live alone

Try sitting on your own night after night, I know my mum gets lonely and has the TV on for company

reelingintheyears · 22/08/2011 21:11

Hey well Valetude...maybe you'll get it all one day.

reelingintheyears · 22/08/2011 21:13

My Mum too usual...

I'm sure i've read somewhere that TV is now a human right.

And for some people it surely is.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 22/08/2011 21:15

usual - it's just a bugbear of mine that people always assume 'everyone' needs/can afford to spend money on a TV license when it is actually quite a lot of money.

In the rest of my post I think it's clear I do basically think the OP is BU. Heck, my granddad got terrified about money when he had loads because he didn't understand how prices worked any more and lived in fear one day he'd end up with nothing - it must be terrifying.

BikiniBottom · 22/08/2011 21:18

YABU you are bloody lucky to have a grandma and she probably justs wants some company. She probably does find life difficult and we will find out just how hard when we reach that age too.

ddubsgirl · 22/08/2011 21:23

75+ get tv license for free.
my in laws get state pension and seem to be doing ok off it but they have no housing costs as they get rent paid.
help is out there,you just need too look,age concern can help make sure you are getting right benefits and amounts.

MollieO · 22/08/2011 21:27

What an absolutely horrible thread. I have no idea what the average age of posters is but I'd love for them to come back aged 75+ having worked all their lives and trying to live on whatever will be the equivalent of £150 a week.

I'm sure your grandma didn't choose to be a widow on a limited income. Those of you moaning about struggling to raise families on low income I'm sure many of you did have a choice and I include in that those single parents who think it is their right to stay at home rather than working.

littlemisssarcastic · 22/08/2011 21:27

My mother has recently retired and says she has never been so well off in her whole life.

She gets £136 a week pension, and pays no rent and no council tax.

Unfortunately, my mother has a debilitating health condition, so also gets DLA, which has enabled her to get free road tax on her car, as well as an extra £50 a week.

Last year, my mother was entitled to CWP, not sure how she was entitled so don't want to say if she will get them now she has retired, but she will qualify for the WFA this year, as well as a christmas bonus I think.

My mother's annual income not including housing benefit and council tax benefit is over £10K.

She does not complain and copes very well.

My mother's only complaint is her health.

reelingintheyears · 22/08/2011 21:30

LRD..what should the elderly do for entertainment if they can't have a TV and can't get out.?

Access to the real world is limited as you get older and your friends are all dying off.

They don't all have family nearby to socialise with them/take them out etc.

My Mum rings me up and tells me when yet another old friend has died.

I think TV should be a basic human right these days especially for the old.

And they should be able to heat their homes without worrying about the cost.

I don't begrudge them anything.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 22/08/2011 21:34

reeling - I'm not saying it's not a good thing to have, just that not everyone can afford it. TV, radio, someone to visit you, being taken on trips - these are all good things if you're elderly and alone, but some people can't afford any of them.

I was really just trying to say that we shouldn't assume that's a necessity so everyone must have the money for it - they don't. I probably put it badly but if you look at the rest of my post I think it is clear where my sympathies lie.

pink4ever · 22/08/2011 21:35

YANBU imo. I am sick to death of hearing my inlaws going on and on about being "poor" pensioners. They own 2 lovely homes(one abroad). Until recently they also had 2 cars. However they now only have 1 car as they are doing everything in their power to get mil a mobility car(she has minor health issues). They have thousands in the bank. So not poor in my book!

My gps(deceased) were actually poor. Gf had to take early retirement due to serious health problems and they had to survive on a meagre works pension and gf state pension. They struggled to pay rent,put food on the table but did there very best to make sure I had a happy childhood.

Mumcentreplus · 22/08/2011 22:24

Are the elderly a new group to bash?......always needed ..groups you feel comfortable to critique ...

timidviper · 22/08/2011 22:36

YANBU. My mum is now 80 and tells me she has never been as well off, at any point in her life, as she is now living on her state pension. She has said frequently that she wishes she'd had more money when we were younger rather than now.

I agree that their generation haven't had everything easy and don't begrudge them a pension but there seems to be a big difference between the older pensioners like mum who are grateful and the younger pensioners who often seem to have a very "entitled" attitude and high expectations.

I had the misfortune recently to be on business in a town where a pensioners conference was being held. Now I know you shouldn't generalise, and realise that people being involved in this sort of event may well be more extreme in their attitudes than others but I was appalled at the greed and selfish attitudes on display. There was an expectation that everyone else in society should tighten their belts to give them more and more and more.

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