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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be utterly shocked still 2 weeks later, that this woman thinks her dcs shouldn't have to see . . .

46 replies

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 22/08/2011 16:33

. . . or mix with people who have special needs or a disability!

I was shocked! Got talking to my DHs friends wife who I know a bit, a couple of weeks ago. She was saying that she doesn't want her dcs to have any special needs children in their class (they do so she's moving them to another school) as it will disadvantage her children!!!

I think it's great for kids to mix with others of differing abilities as that is what the world is like and is an incredibly important lesson. More important even then getting perfect results or being the class genius or whatever.

She then went on to say that the certain childrens tv presenter with one hand shouldn't be on telly, her dcs shouldn't have to see that. She thinks the bbc should give an explanation as to why she only has one hand and let the public decide (based on what the reason is!) whether she should be on tv! My DH was arguing with her, as you would do, and she was losing, so as a last resort she said "yeah well she puts it about anyway". My DH went "huh?" and she said that it is known that tv presenter has slept with a lot of men.

I got the impression that she felt that if the woman must be on tv with her disability then she would also have to be whiter then snow.

Is it just me or is this woman a wanker?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 22/08/2011 17:31

I am Shock. it's disgusting that anyone can feel that way about my child (sn). I pity her children I really do. God help her if her children develop sn, or her grandchildren. My dd has qualities that some nt kids can learn from. What a nasty piece of work
.

Peachy · 22/08/2011 17:33

My school was a pioneer in the 70's and we had a severely disabled boy with CP in our class- non verbal, in a chair etc.

I suspect that having him as a mate, and later on a few other children through a simialrly forward thinking comp, was one of the biggest helps for me when my own kids were born disabled. I didn;t have to take a sidestep into another world, becuase mine was already big enough that it held anyone.

Sidge · 22/08/2011 17:34

I would choose not to associate with someone who was such a fuckwit.

But then my DD2 has complex SN and is at mainstream school just sucking up ALL of the teacher's time and ALL of the school's budget providing for her needs.

Oh hang on, her 1-1 allocated to her also works with the other children when DD2 is asleep or doing small group work. And her statement means the school gets a pot of cash on her behalf, not all of which I'm sure is exclusively for her resources. So yeah, the other pupils are totally disadvantaged by her being there.

Shame that woman's children are being kept away from those nasty children with SN and learning difficulties or they might be exposed to some tolerance, understanding and compassion as well as a healthy dose of reality.

SummerRain · 22/08/2011 17:35

snort... my kids only noticed that presenter had one arm today. They watch charlie and lola every single day and we record them to re-watch and she's on every single day right before C&L. They must have seen her a hundred times at this stage and never twigged! ds1 asked today 'Does that lady only have one hand mommy?' I said 'yes' and the two of them asked me a few questions and within 3 minutes wanted to go back to C&L as they couldn't give a toss.

What on earth is so damaging to kids about that scenario?

ffs, most people have relatives with varying forms of SN, for example my uncle is severally mentally and physically disabled, my cousin has dyslexia, my other cousin has DS, etc. Should my children be denied contact with all these people in her eyes?

Some people are just so warped in their mentality it scares me!

Shakirasma · 22/08/2011 17:35

My wonderful little boy has SN and he starts school next month.
I am frightened he won't cope, I am frightened he will be unhappy and feel lost, I am frightened about what the future holds. But most of all I am frightened that there are still ignorant, judgemental fuckwits in the world who's prejudice has the power to make his life that bit more difficult than it already is.

Lady1nTheRadiator · 22/08/2011 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 22/08/2011 17:37

What an utter delight of a woman! Hmm

pigletmania · 22/08/2011 17:37

Sidge I think my dd will be sucking up taxpayers money in September if we get a statement stipulating the 121 help she will need when she starts foundation

pigletmania · 22/08/2011 17:39

I feel like that shakirama.

CustardCake · 22/08/2011 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloraPost · 22/08/2011 17:48

Ohhh, this is what I'm terrified of when my perfect little boy starts school Sad.

LtEveDallas · 22/08/2011 17:48

DD spends more time 'helping' the young lad in her class that has SNs (I'm not sure of his statement/diagnosis but I know he is very nearly non-verbal, but will whisper answers/questions to DD who relays them to the teacher). Teacher actually asked us if we minded if DD became his unoffical 'helper'. We didn't, I think it teaches DD a valuable lesson and will hel her become a more rounded individual.

I was very sad at DDs birthday party when his dad told me he had never been invited to one before Sad and was happy to do a few little extras to ensure he got the most enjoyment out of it.

Marne · 22/08/2011 17:49

Sad that there are still people who think this way but i'm not shocked as i have come across people like this Sad.

My dd2 is statemented, she's going to a new school in september who have decided to cut her hours of TA support, this would meen she will be more reliable on the teacher and the class TA, this could cause other parent to complain thet their NT child is not getting the attention they should as the TA or teacher will be spending time sorting my dd out. I 'm worried as there are people out there who think SN children should not be in MS school mixing with NT children and effecting the way their NT children are being taught. I am doing my best to stop this from happening and securing dd2 full time 1:1.

I find (sinse having my Autistic dd's in main streem school) that the adults are the problem not other children, children seem to accept sn children into their classrooms, they look after them, learn about the sn and learn how all people are different, the parents are the ones that give us the odd looks, pull their children away from mine and refuse to have my child at their house for a play date Sad (not all parents i must add, just the select few).

You can see why us (parents of children with sn's) are sh*ting ourselves about our children starting MS school (just another stress to add to our already stressful life) Sad.

Katiebeau · 22/08/2011 17:50

I can't believe she articulated this to you. YANBU - at all. At my DD's (2.5) nursery there is a delighfully charming toddler girl with DS and a smashing little boy with delayed speech and mild learning difficulties attending.

My DD and her friend, it is irrelevent she has DS, are as thick as thieves (they can been seen "plotting" their next assualt on trying to get to the pens!) and when I was told my DD helped one day to coach her friend to say Daddy I wept with pride for both of them. DD and her friend showed me their friendship reward stickers for their good work. They both benefit from their friendship not least because they can be so "highly spirited" when together!

Original poster
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 22/08/2011 19:06

CustardCake What they don't realise is that a member of staff is being emplyed solely to help that child via statementing but that lots of schools are very naughty and get their 1:1 support workers to help with other classroom stuff.

She had realised this. Apparently it had changed her mind a bit because she saw what her child might get out of it. Selfish cow!

Lady1nTheRadiator Why are you asking? Would love to know what made you actually question whether or not you might actually be unreasonable

Don't really know. It's just that it keeps playing on my mind. I am just stunned. Of course you hear of people like this existing, and I had never been that keen on this woman (instinct working for once!), but was still shocked when she came out with it. It's probably not AIBU at all really. Didn't think, just posted!

Like the vat of poridge, however suggested that! Grin

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 22/08/2011 19:24

An appalling woman. I think that she will find she has to keep moving her DCs.

unfitmother · 22/08/2011 19:45

Ignorant bitch!

pigletmania · 22/08/2011 20:48

So SN is ok, if it works to her advantage Angry

Original poster
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 23/08/2011 09:02

So SN is ok, if it works to her advantage

Yes exactly. I think my mouth was hanging open the whole time she was talking!

OP posts:
extremepie · 23/08/2011 09:13

Does she not think that, maybe, 'having' to move your kids school every year or how often another SN child 'pops up' might possibly be more damaging than having a SN child in the class? Possibly?

She sounds like an idiot, people like that make me incandescent with rage but hey, it's only her and her kids who are going to suffer as a result of her ignorance. My DS2 couldn't care less about what other people think of him, that's the beauty of autism :)

Lara2 · 23/08/2011 09:18

YANBU - what a witch! By her logic, I should give up my job teaching reception because I limp following a back injury! And neither of my DS's should have been anywhere near society!!!

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