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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it's a bit weird to call a father and son by the same name?

95 replies

MardyBra · 22/08/2011 09:50

And refuse to give them different nns?

I know it's traditional in some families in Victorian times or maybe if you're an aristocrat, but surely a bit odd, not to mention confusing, especially when it's not even an old family name.

OP posts:

scuzy · 22/08/2011 10:17

its not about not thinking of a name for your child ... its a tradition and has meaning. you can name your child after someone that means something to you or to your child ... its not a lazy thing, egotisitcal thing or lacking in imagination.

speaking of imagination i'd rather have more John's in my family than these crazy new age britneys and romeos and crazy names.

HardCheese · 22/08/2011 10:17

Agreeing with Gwendoline - in Ireland, it's still very common (though probably less so than two or three generations ago) for a child to be a given a 'family' name, after a parent and/or grandparent. I grew up in a household where my father, grandfather and little brother all had the same first name and surname, and lived under the same roof - no different nicknames. I don't remember it causing any particular confusion, to be honest, but then, it wouldn't have occurred to me that it was strange, because it was very normal to name a baby after a close, living relative.

I think, coming from that background, I still find it slightly weird to see the importance placed on finding some 'original' and meaningful baby name, especially when hundreds of thousands of parents are choosing the same one anyway, judging by the 'top baby names' annual listings...? I think part of the difference in Ireland was that until very recently, there wasn't such a strong notion of 'fashions' in naming. In the Uk, say, 'Bertie' was seen as an grandfatherish kind of name in the recent past, until it became terribly fashionable again in recent years, along with Edith/Violet/Lily/Harriet kinds of old-fashioned names - but in Ireland, 'Séamus' was just 'Séamus'.

borderslass · 22/08/2011 10:17

My ex SIL's son drowned 16 years ago her sister has a 9 year old with the same name I was a bit when I found out.

scuzy · 22/08/2011 10:18

it is mardybra ... its common, accepted and it has meaning. i would name my next child if she was a girl after my mum as i love her very much.

does that make me lazy or egotistial or unimaginative????

bananamonkey · 22/08/2011 10:18

In my Dad's extended family (on his Dad's side) every boy is either Thomas or John (not sure what happens if anyone has 3+ boys ). They are from Scotland.

It's not very imaginative, my dad and his siblings have chosen not to continue with this for their own children.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 22/08/2011 10:19

DS has his own first name, then named after my dad (who died a few years ago) and DH for his middle names.

Tanif · 22/08/2011 10:19

I don't think it's weird. My DP has a family name going back as far as it can be reasonably traced. At the minute his grandad goes by Tommy, his dad goes by Tom, and he goes by Tom-Mick (Thomas Michael). If our LO is a boy - we'll hopefully find out on 1st September :D - he will be Thomas.

I don't think it's weird, and we'll be giving our son a middle name, so if he doesn't like having the same name as his grandparents and dad he can use that instead.

hillee · 22/08/2011 10:20

No, that's all the boys in my father's extended family. I know it sounds odd but that's just what they do. So when it turned out that DH's family do something similar, I didn't mind at all.

I have better things to rebel against to be honest

bedheadz · 22/08/2011 10:20

My dh and son have the same name, never thought of it as strange. DS is known by a shortened version.

nokissymum · 22/08/2011 10:20

scuzy i think the examples you are giving are entirely different to what op is saying. What she is talking about is where father and son have exactly the same first names, i can understand the brothers example because there is a variation in their names, but its a bit daft to have a father with first name michael bartholomew followed by two sons also called that, especially in areas where that is NOT the norm.

If thats the tradition in scotland and ireland then i suppose there's nothing odd about it all, but down here in england its weird.

TobyLeWolef · 22/08/2011 10:21

My grandad, his son and his son are all called James. Isn't weird at all.

In my ex-husband's family, the dad's name is always the son's middle name.

JosieRosie · 22/08/2011 10:21

To me, there is a certain egotism in giving your offspring the same name as you - sort of creating a "mini-me".

I've always thought this too MardyBra. Even giving a child your name as a middle name seems a bit much to me.

TobyLeWolef · 22/08/2011 10:22

(Both Irish families, if that makes a difference, btw). It's very common in Irish families. We're not very original, apparently!

borderslass · 22/08/2011 10:24

We gave DD2 a family name but not intentionally, found out it was common on both DH's mums side and both my mum and dads side [she hates it]

Rowena8482 · 22/08/2011 10:26

My no3 son has the same first name and second name (of three) as his dad. I always liked the name, but was put off as I didn't like the naming the son for the father thing, but when no3 was born he just looked like a Michael. He gets Mikey now, and we have no problems - sometimes we say Big Michael and Little Michael talking to other people.
My late great-uncle Albert had a brother named Bert :-| that's stranger to me!

scuzy · 22/08/2011 10:28

nokissymum i see what you mean. dp and i gave our son dp's name as a middle name. my brother has the same name as my dad. i dunno ... i guess different folks different strokes. not nice to bash a tradition or a way of naming your children. each to their own.

BertieBotts · 22/08/2011 10:29

DP's first name is the same as his dad's. When he lived at home they were always opening each other's post. To make things more confusing, he uses his first name at work and on official documents, but is called by one of his five (!!) middle names. It gets slightly confusing...

borderslass · 22/08/2011 10:31

Even worse are parents who name their children with the same initial I know one family who have 7 children all with names beginning M.

Original poster

MardyBra · 22/08/2011 10:33

scuzy - it seems I've offended, so apologies.

Just wanted to start a lively debate, and as I mentioned I'm now understanding that this is more common in some parts of the UK/Ireland than others.

And as I mentioned, there is no tradition of this in the family I know.

fwiw, I think naming after grandparents is quite sweet.

OP posts:

Papyrus · 22/08/2011 10:35

I find it really lacking in imagination tbh. But I also think that if the son (and 9 times out of ten it seems to be the son) must have a family name, then why not one from the mother's side of the family, as presumably he'll have the father's surname? It seems to be always honouring the father's side of the family over the mothers.

FruStefanLindman · 22/08/2011 10:41

On my dad's side it was traditional. My dad was Peter John and his dad was John Peter - but my grandad was always called Peter and my dad was called John . And great-grandad was a Peter as well. (Names changed, obviously).

I was named after my mum's sister and, right up until my aunt's death when I was in my 40s, we were always known as Big Fru and Little Fru

BTW, English families.

FancyForgetting · 22/08/2011 10:42

As children we desperately tried not to snigger when someone mentioned the father and son relations who (apparently to avoid confusion) were known as Big Willie and Little Willie.

scuzy · 22/08/2011 10:42

ah no worries mardybra am probably over sensitive about it.

BootyMum · 22/08/2011 10:42

My husband in Portuguese and it is traditional there for the first born son to be named after the father. My husband was the second son and his elder brother was named after his father.

However his brother did not name his son after himself and instead gave him an Italian name.

We also did not name our first son after my husband, rather we gave him an English name.

My FIL is quite disapproving of this and "forgets" son's real name instead calling him by my husband's name

deemented · 22/08/2011 10:43

Manshape's ex insisted on calling their son the same name as manshape. He did not have a say in it. So now manshape's son has an ie on the end of his name to differentiate. It does feel a little weird at times, especially because she also insisted he have manshapes dads first name as a middle name too.

Both DS1 & DS2 have the same middle name, but that was more to do with me wanting ds2 to feel that he still had a bond with ds1 than anything else.

In my bloody massive Irish Catholic family, it was the done thing for the first born son to be named after the paternal grandfather, with the maternal grandfathers name as a middle name, and then the second born son was named for the father. So we have lots of Rudolphs in our family..

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