or am I just being an old misery guts or do I have a leg to stand on? Grrrr

[KingHellfire]

I have had a rough few months. Had to have an abortion (long story) but so that I could have it sooner rather than later, we opted to pay and it cost us £680 (this was a big deal for us but we felt it important to have it done quickly). We also had to cancel a holiday we had wanted to go on as I was so unwell (due to the pregnancy). We had planned to rent a cottage from a friend of dh's mother. We pulled out 3 weeks before we were due to go and she insisted we pay the full whack for the cottage (as it was all done through dh's mum, we had seen none of the paperwork but weren't really left with much choice).

So basically before the summer had started we were over £1k down which has meant we can't afford to go on holiday.

My good friend knows all this and knows how sad I am that we couldn't afford to go on holiday. I'm also still reeling a bit from the whole pregnancy/abortion thing so am feeling a bit down.

And now, said good friend has decided to pepper me with emails of how wonderful their lovely beach holiday is. Lots of pictures of them happily on the beach. She is pregnant too so lots of emails about how the baby is doing, and feeling it kicking etc.

Now I know she is perfectly entitled to have a lovely holiday and I am very pleased that she is having a nice holiday but at the moment, I can honestly say that the last thing i feel like seeing is a) pregnant people and b) people on holiday. I will probably feel totally fine in about a week's time but i just want to recover a little more and hide a bit and just feel that, having told her exactly how I was feeling just before she left (just that I was a bit down and feeling a bit sensitive), that she is slightly rubbing salt in my wound by emailing me like this.

She is being thoughtless, but probably in a nice way. Sometimes, when people are going through a rough time, you think that rather than hear 'Are you okay?' in a funereal whisper, they want to be put back in touch with life and good times and talk about fun, frivolous stuff. She might be thinking that, esp given that you said you were feeling down.

It's the wrong approach in your case, but some people might feel relieved that their friend wasn't pretending or holding back, but just acting normally.

That said, you are free to feel sensitive about it and grouch here :)

Is she really a good friend? She's being staggeringly insensitive. I can understand her being wrapped up in the pregnancy (to a certain extent) and not considering that you don't want to hear about the baby kicking etc. But to email you about the holiday seems quite malicious IMO.

YANBU. I would suggest not opening her emails until you feel up to it. She is being very insensitive.

Hope you feel better soon

YANBU

She is at best an inconsiderate cow.

She needs to know how much she is upsetting you otherwise there is every chance this will continue.

A short email to that effect may well work, if she doesn't stop after that she has the hide of a rhino no sense at all and would be best ignored.

Sorry you're having such a shit time.

thanks everyone

I was starting to feel I might be being a bit ridiculous but I think I'll leave the emails and open them once I start to feel a bit stronger!

I'm one of those people that doesn't normally get down so I suppose it might be quite unusual for her to see me this way and she may be trying to cheer me up but at the moment, it's certainly not the way to do it!

Or you could just delete them, unseen. If she is only wittering on about her holiday, you won't be missing anything important.

Hi kinghellfire so sorry about all you have been through. Hope things start to improve for you. Be kind to yourself, your friend is being an absolute PITA this is why I detest facebook etc, It makes me ill listening and reading about folks going on about their amazing lives. Its a load of old s*. I think some people actually get a kick out of boasting about their lives, they want to appear happy, fulfilled, exciting etc but in reality I often find the opposite to be true and this is just a smokescreen. Ignore her emails and when you feel stronger let her know how insensitive they were. Sending you a cyber hug