To dream of several days on my own?

[FlamingoBingo]

Completely on my own?

I am a SAHM to four home educated children. I love my life...most of the time.

But I dream of solitude. Long hours of writing interspersed by long walks.

If I mention this dream to DH, his eyes light up and I realise he hasn't got it at all.

But I can't exactly say to him: "No, I mean without you as well! Much as I love you, you also clutter up my mind."

So, if I ever do get this break I so desperately want, I'll have to have it either with him, or knowing that he's sitting at home with the children feeling rejected.

AIBU to feel a little bit desperate for more time alone...properly alone? He gets a whole hour twice every day - I don't think he realises quite how much I would love even that (journey to and from work, without bickering children, and listening to what I want on the radio).

I do love him, and want to spend time with him, but I want solitude.

OP ~ I always cut through swathes of threads because the mantra 'you chose to have them it's your problem' rankles with me immensly. One can only imagine what sort of upbringing such women had to think that the entire mother population should be cast adrift with no support network.

No, YANBU to want time alone. That works for both people in a realtionship. Everyone should have some chill time to be themselves.

For some it will be a couple of hours of an evening on the internet. For others it will be a long, languid bath. Maybe for others it will be a weekend away.

If it is purely time, space and silence you want - then just check into a travel lodge for a day or two.

Oh, I forgot, the crusading attachment-mummies will be on your case because 'men simply can't cope'. Bull shit - they can cope and will cope.

Back to your OP - oh I remember the commute to London, absolute bliss, 30 mins each way, just reading the paper and not having to bother with other people ~ no one wanting to know where their socks are or asking for juice. Absolute bliss. Bliss. Bliss. Bliss.

OF course if you don't get your 'me' time which is important and you havea hypothetical breakdown, the same cretinous females on here will be demanding you divorce your husband because he's not supportive of your 'ishoos'.

No win situation.

But asking this lot is a pointless exercise when it comes to parenting.

troisgarcons it is obvious you haven't read the thread - think everyone here is living the daydream along with OP

donteatyourtea - most people are joining the daydream. Fifi and Hairbell weren't quite getting the point.

My DH would manage fine - he is a fantastic father and husband. It's just if I said 'I want some time on my own', he'd say 'Oh yes, where shall we go' and I wondered if IWBU in thinking 'No, I mean on my own ie. without anyone'

Dh has just agreed to take dds to see his parents for the bank holiday weeked with out me! Three whole days at home a lone I cant wait. I hope you get some time op.

"It's just if I said 'I want some time on my own', he'd say 'Oh yes, where shall we go' "

Really? That seems a bit of an odd interpretation. Surely 'on my own' is fairly unambigious! Even if you need to spell it out to him though, I think you should try - if you actually want this to happen and become more than a daydream. It's not an unreasonable thing to ask, though maybe hard to understand for someone who doesn't feel the need for solitude sometimes.

flamingo 2 posts is hardly a "crusade of attachment mummies" is it?

YANBU at all. I have two pre-school DD's who I love to death but I get no time away from them. If I'm ill, I'm still hearing the playing, bickering and telling off. I'm a SAHM too and while DH is unemployed and doing his parenting role I feel quite stifled.

The problem is, after a few hours I would miss them all like crazy.

YANBU. Definitely not.

donteat - true, true. Was a bit of an exaggeration!

Ephiny - He would if it was actually a possibility. He is very wonderful. I just think he'd feel a bit, well, hurt that I wanted to spend any child free time not with him IYSWIM.

YANBU. I dream of just being alone with my iPod and a book at some hotel with a beautiful garden for a week. Bliss. I'm pregnant and literally can not get away from DC2 and his/her kicking/churning/squirming god love and bless him/her.

Of course I know after 24 hours I would miss DH and DD like mad and that as soon as DC2 is born I will miss the feeling of him/her inside.

Its one of those impossible conundrums or should that be conundra. You wish you could have a bit of peace and quiet but you can't live without them really.

YA most definitely NBU! I said to my beloved how much I wanted to go to a lovely luxury hotel. He got all starry eyed, until I said 'no, on my own!' I did feel sorry for him but honestly, as if I'd want to waste perfectly good sleeping/relaxing time!!!!!

Oh this speaks to me. With DS1 aged almost 5, DS2 at 2.5 and a 7 week old DD1 I'm going crazy.

Just back from a "holiday" and I'm feeling so exhausted. I need some time with nothing going on in my head and no one asking me for anything.

BUT MIL just asked if she could take the boys for a few days! I love my MIL.

It's shocking how much you don't miss them, tbh.

Because you are so busy getting to know yourself again.

Wonderful to be reunited once refreshed, though

You aren't being unreasonable to want you-time. But...

A while ago I had the same dream. 2 boys, full time WOHM in stressful job surrounded by people constantly, a DH who is the World's Best Daddy - and I had to go away for a week (work related). I got time off within that week and I had all the lazy lie ins I wanted, just me on the sofa with the blanket in the evening, nobody nagging me to get out of the bath because they wanted stories or cuddles or to get into it themselves... and I hated it! I couldn't wait to get back home to the noisy chaos of my boys and my husband and my real life. I have decided that me-time is wasted on me as I just spend it miserably counting the hours till I'm back with my family.

But that would do the same thing, Iteo, wouldn't it? Better that I did it and was desperate to get back than did it and dreaded going back

SIX DAYS??? Sorry to shout but wow!

House-sitting is not a bad idea, Proles. Friends of ours have a yurt and needed someone to yurt-sit this summer...might take them up on the offer if they ask next year!

How do you find the free/cheap retreat places?

Thank you so much, Proles :) Really kind of you x

Flamingo love I did get the point - loud and clear, I was just saying that as you have four kids it might not be feasible to spend days and days away alone and if you get too hung up about it it may affect your day to day life. Do you expect everyone to agree with you? Of course you are entitled to time out but as you chose to have four kids, days and days away might be unrealistic until they are older

I'm with you on this op, I am currently on my own in the office at work working hard appreciating the solitude! I am lucky to have a fantastic job that allows me to mumsnet work from home much of the time. Apart from work though I am very rarely away from my dc. I planned it like that, and I love the bones of them. I love the time I get to spend with my girls while they're little, I love the noise and don't mind the mess.
But I savour those little moments of silence when the dc are someone else's immediate responsibility and I can just stop. It's not a luxury but a necessity.

Doesn't have to be a week away in a yurt or being mysterious in a country cottage. An afternoon out alone, walking round a gallery or whatever else floats your boat usually does the trick for me!