Aibu to hope inlaws would help us out?-long

[pink4ever]

We are having major problems with our car. Has been in garage 4 times in last couple of weeks with engine problems. Power failed completey as dh was driving on motorway and he was very lucky not to be in accident.

Dealership refusing to help as we didnt have the car serviced by them.Dh needs car for work or will lose job.

I am furious with dh as I knew car still had problem and he wanted to drive ds in it. Thankfully it didnt start at all-a small mercy as I dread to think of it losing power again with them in it.

We have asked inlaws if we could borrow their car. They are going abroad this week to their holiday home and will be away for approx 6/7 weeks. We have borrowed their car before with no problems.

They have refused as fil believes dh crashed car and did not tell them. The reason he believes this is he got one of those scam letters saying your car has been in an accident. I heard about them on Watchdog.

However even though we pointed out to them that we didnt even have the car at said time of supposed accident and also that it happened in england(we are in scotland),fil still being an arse over it.

They have said they will lend us money for a hire car. However as it looks like our car has a major problem and could be in garage for weeks I dont see how this is feasable?. Also they would expect us to pay them the lump sum when they return from hol which we just couldnt afford to do.

Before I get loads of posters flaming me and saying inlaws dont have to help us-I know that. But I was brought up in a family where we helped each other out. They are in a financial position to help us(my family are not but would give us their last penny). Plus their car is going to be sat there for 6 weeks not being used when we desperately need it.

So am I bu to hope we would get a bit of help when we really need it?

diddle*-yes I understand it is alot to ask but inlaws will be away for at least 6 weeks and will not be using that car in all that time. Also they know the situation with regards to dh job-no car,no job. So they are basically happy to see their son and dcs homeless?. That is not family to me.
Good suggestion re getting their car checked over so I can then tell then to get to feck.

Sorry but no car no job is hardly their fault, is it?

As I said, what would you do if they weren´t going away?

Why would you want to borrow the car of people who think so little of you/your husband?

It doesn't help in the short term, but I'm interested in why the dealership isn't being more helpful when your 3 yo car plainly isn't fit for purpose. I know you said it's because you had it serviced elsewhere, but the law says that doesn't matter as long as the place who serviced it were suitably trained.

I would contact Trading Standards.

YANBU - if their car is sitting there doing nothing anyway then what is the problem? I too was brought up in a family that would lend you their arm if they thought you needed it so cannot understand this attitude. Sure, it is not their responsibility to provide a car for you, but if theirs is not going to be used and you need one, what is the problem?

If I were you, and DH won't try and talk to his parents (and YANBU to be angry and upset about this situation), I would accept their offer of a loan for a hire car and see if they would consider monthly payments back rather than a lump sum- that has to be better than getting a hire car on a credit card that is already heavily used?

If I were in your shoes, I would be more angry with my DH for not trying harder to convince his dad that he can be trusted with the car and has not crashed it before...

Yanbu, if it sitting there doing nothing, reasonable to ask and it's ok too for them to refuse but feels very unfair if they have given reasons that aren't valid. Get your dh to ask them directly if he could prove to them that he hadn't been in an accident would they lend him the car then - if they say yes then ask what you can give them as proof that they would accept and they'll either be able to say something like talking to your insurers or speaking to the dvla or one of those accident checks you can do when buying a car.

If there is nothing that will satisfy them then make them admit/say to you directly that they don't want you to have the car. Does your bil want to borrow it as an extra car at the same time or do they want a car parked on their drive whilst away or some other reason for not lending?

Then... Go check out the honestjohn.com website. It's the best car advice site I've found, the guy also does an advice column in the Saturday telegraph and seems to know his stuff. Email today for advice about the car and your situation regarding the garage after looking through his site and seeing the sort of advice he gives (he seems to know all the weak points of different models and how to stand up to dealers).

Talk to the garage and see if they would be prepared to part exchange the car for you against another one they have in stock. Or any other dealer. Talk to the garage that were supposed to fix the car and haven't (lost track if they were the dealers and ask why they haven't). Talk to trading standards or the AA or anyone else you can think of to see if they are aware of the problem.

Work out how much it is going to cost to hire a car for the time you need and then look on eBay cars, your local paper, the internet etc to see what you can get for the same amount of money. Even if you get a loan from your PIL up front, arrange long payback time so they can see how desperate you are.

Do you know anyone else that is going away even if just for a few days or a week that would be prepared to lend or rent you their car?

And finally - does anybody know how the op could arrange for her PIL (and bil too?) to receive a letter telling them that they have been in an accident like the one they got about your dh so they can see that they are not necessarily always true! Even if it is too late for all this, would give you a little bit of revenge!

I wonder if you would be wise to take the car back to the dealer for the repair. That way, they can no longer wriggle out of responsibility on a technicality by saying you were wrong to have it serviced elsewhere.

If the car has been maintained, there is NO reason a 3 year old car should be having problems of this severity.

I'd google the make of the car + 'engine cutting out' and see if there is a known issue.

Right update-AA man came to tow car to garage and offered to have a look at it. Is not an engine problem at all -it is a leak in the oil filter? Despite other garage not picking this up dh has chosen to tow it to them. Also was dropped into conversation by inlaws that this garage(which they use btw) has offered to "clock" the car. WTF!

Also I dont belive inlaws have offered to pay for hire car at all-there was no mention of it whatsoever. My dh is known for lying when in a tight spot and think he has said this to shut me up.

I am washing my hands of it now-dh can get the bus and 2 trains to work. I will also be conveniently out when mil pops round this week and will not be spending xmas there(as we have done for the past 5 years).
Thanks for the replies-very helpful.

Visit www.consumerdirect.gov.uk and call the Helpline on Monday to see where you stand with the dealership.

Follow Puffin's advice and check if there are any known issues with the model. Loss of power when driving in wet weather was common in some VW Golf models; rain/water spray penetrated the engine compartment and affected the electrics.

In any event, loss of power can be caused by a minor fault such as a blockage/air bubble in the fuel pipe, radiator overheating, faulty electrics etc, none of which will require an engine to be stripped down or take weeks to rectify.

You may best advised to take your car to another garage for a second opinion.

Car hire is not cheap and it may be a more cost effective option to buy a reliable old banger to tide you over and sell it on when your car is back on the road.

How about telling MIL straight - please don't pop round - I don't really feel like socialising this week, due to all the money and car problems we're having?

Or are you not allowed to show your feelings within the family even to that extent?

Now that the problem's been diagnosed, there's no reason why the vehicle shouldn't be back on the road on Monday after the oil filter has been replaced (a job that many car owners undertake themselves with the help of a Haynes manual for their particular vehicle).

The fault is not with your ILs and it transpires that the fault with the car can be easily rectified.

Unfortunately, it seems that you have a problem with your dh that won't be easily put right. Good luck with that.

Think the garage should be offering you a refund if the problem really was/is so simple, and they failed to find it and subjected you to expense and inconvenience.

And fwiw, your dh sounds a bit of a 'path of least resistance' chap - not wanting to confront his parents (and then fibbing to you about it to keep you calm), wanting to go back to an incompetent garage, etc.

Personally, I wouldn't let a dodgy sounding garage anywhere near my car. Take it somewhere else.

I agree with the poster who said you need to contact Trading Standards and possibly the Citizens Advice Bureau about getting some money refunded.

Your main problem here is that your dh lets his parents treat you both like shit. I'd stop holding my tongue and if my dh didn't like it, then he'd have to get used to it. Good on you for going out and leaving them to it this afternoon. Stand strong wrt Christmas. Honestly, they sound bloody awful and I wouldn't want to be beholden to them in any way.

Consumer Direct is, effectively, Trading Standards.

It seems that your ILs are a no-go area as far as help (financial or otherwise) is concerned; in future you're best advised to adhere to the maxim that 'if you don't ask, you won't be disappointed' when interacting with them.

Your dh is another matter entirely and, after the ILs have departed, I suggest you sit down with him and calmly attempt to find out exactly what is going on with the car and why he's chosen to lie to you.

If your DH needs a car for work, to get around to various places, does the workplace not have pool cars? Has you DH asked work about accommodating his car-less dilemma for a few weeks?