To think that this is really sad and worry that all teenagers think like this??

[allibaba]

Just to explain, I'm no expert on teenagers, and am a long way off being as have DS1 17 mo and 22 weeks pg with DS2.

Anyway, was sat in hair dressers yesterday with 18/19 year old sat in chair next to me. Hairdresser asks "Are you happy you're having a boy or did you want a girl?" - (As a side point I am fed up of being asked this, like it makes a sodding difference as long as baby is happy and healthy!). But back to story..

I say "I've already got all the boys clothes so won't cost me as much this time. Besides I'm not very good with pink and dresses as I hated those when I was little and my mum couldn't get me to wear a dress. I was such a tomboy."

To which girl in next seat (earwigging) comments that she knows what I mean and was exactly the same as a little girl until she got to secondary school. Then she says "but I soon changed as being a tomboy gets you nowhere. So I discovered fashion and fit in with the rest of the other girls."

WTF? Ok, so I was bullied at secondary school but I take the view that that was their problem with their own sad little lives and not mine so I rose above it and I certainly didn't change my appearance just to "fit in".

Have I missed something as I notice that ALL teenagers look the same, but could be just becuase you always think that the older you get. But do some kids really try to change themselves to do this? Is self esteem really that low? Or am I missing the point? And how does being a tomboy get you nowhere?!

And calm..

None of my teenagers "fit in" they are all very much their own people.My ds1 spent years trying to fit in and was bullied till at 13/14 he decided "SOD IT" and did his own thing and found his own niche.

Ds 2 has always done his own thing,very very popular and people copy his "thing"

DD1 is finally figuring out what its all about and what her values are in regards to friends.Its very very tough for teenage girls here and I thank god that my daughter has finally admitted shes strong enough to do her own thing and not follow the crowd just to fit in.

I never fitted in and couldnt really give a rats arse about "peer pressure",always had a sense of self worth and didnt suffer fools gladly.My kids have finally reached that point and Im happy.They are comfortable in their own skins so my job is done in that regards:o

My kids are great btw :o

It is very easy to get that kind of attitude when the general consensus of society is 'blue for boys and pink for girls, and no variance'. You even said yourself that you already had 'boys' clothes' (as if there needs to be any difference whatsoever before puberty because boys and girls are the same shape up till then) and that you're not good with pink, like if you had a girl you'd have to be because of course it's natural for all girls to like pink, despite saying you yourself didn't!

You've got the same kind of expectations of your unborn child as this girl's peer group potentially had of her. What are you going to do if your boy turns out to love pink and glitter and sparkles and ponies and princesses and pretty dresses and all that stuff we traditionally associate with girls? I imagine you'll try to give him the message that if he likes it then it's fine, despite it not necessarily being to your taste. But if you don't change your own underlying thoughts about what is 'for boys' and what is 'for girls' he will still get the messages that a) certain things can only be for boys or for girls, instead of being 'mostly what boys like' and 'mostly what girls like' and b) being seen as into girl things is a bad thing and something to be avoided.

Just some food for thought.