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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to start getting angry at comments by dhs family about this pregnancy

55 replies

Poweredbypepsi · 18/08/2011 18:04

i am pregnant with dc 5. There is no reason for anyone to be anything but overjoyed with this news. We love our children we look after them, we have a good relationship we work and have enough money etc to support another baby (well we woukd like more but we survive). We told dhs families recently after our 12 week scan. MIL told dh he should "go and have the snip or I'll come here and do it for you" then said they though he had mumps as a child (turns out he didn't) but it was a shame he didn't as then he wouldnt have so many children ( I assume mumps makes you infertile from that comment but I have no idea if that's true).
No one has congratulated us people are rude about it and I am at the point of just screaming op "oh will you fuck offffffffff".next time someone suggests "getting the bricks out" or the like.

I amm seriously considering asking dh to tell them that if they don't start either not commenting at all or saying something nice if they cam bring themselves to do so then they are not welcome in our house.

Aibu.

OP posts:
Rowena8482 · 18/08/2011 18:55

Congratulations :D
We have 5DC, and from number 3 onwards I prepared a load of stock smart arse answers for people so I always had something to retort when well meaning fools and complete strangers who think a bump gives them the right to pry into and comment on one's intimate details wellwishers got going. If you google "lotsa" or "lotsas" there are some websites with great lists of "thngs you wish you'd thought of to say" and as well as a good laugh, they can provide ammo ;)

Gay40 · 18/08/2011 18:58

I say if you can afford it and you have the room (and the patience) then it is no one else's business and they should be happy for you.

ddubsgirl · 18/08/2011 19:00

congrats xxx
we had the same with pg 5,got told what the fuck do we want another baby for,it was planned and very much wanted,told we were mad,no tv blah blah blah then at 11 weeks i lost the baby :( then to be told oh well you have 4 it doesnt matter be grateful,well yes i love my 4 others ffs but i still loved and wanted this baby!
as others have said tell them to f off if they cant be happy.

magicmelons · 18/08/2011 19:01

Congratulations.They are very rude, ignore we're having DC 3 and have had a few Hmm comments, and lots of people asking if Dh will have the snip now.

Pregnancy like education seems to be one of the things people think its ok to comment about.

LordOfTheFlies · 18/08/2011 19:06

Does "getting the bricks out" mean they are going to pull together and build you an extension?

Extremely niave and a bit dense emoticon Blush

deemented · 18/08/2011 19:18

LMAO LorOfTheFlies - i wish.... no, it refers to a rather brutal form of castration...

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 18/08/2011 19:20

Grin at LordOfTheFlies That's just cheered me up Grin

OP YANBU

activate · 18/08/2011 19:23

"nobody has congratulated us" - as far as I remember

1st child - Lots of Congratulations / interest smiles

2nd child - Congratulations - somewhat lukewarm like old news

3rd child - Congrats I suppose, in a here we go again

4th child - oh really? sterilisation talk

end of my experience

just surprised you aren't used to it by number 5

PrincessScrumpy · 18/08/2011 19:29

Congratulations.

Well if mumps does have an affect then thank goodness dh did have it as a child. dd1 took 2 months to conceive and my current twin pg happened the first month of trying! People are making the "snip" comments to us too and it's only my second pg. Okay we'll have 3 kids by the end of it but we're delighted.

ddubsgirl · 18/08/2011 19:38

mumps in childhood is ok its when older it can cause problems-teen & older as it can effect to produce of sperm,very very rare it will do that to younger boys,i think it was a bloody awful comment to make and implies they would rather have no grankids!

Lara2 · 18/08/2011 19:39

Congratulations!! Tell them all to fuck off - none of their business how many children you have. You're supporting them, loving them and being good parents.

My grandmother was hideous to my mum when told that she was pregnant with me - I was DC2. GM had only one and thought that my parents should do the same! Glad they didn't listen - there's 3 of us!

HansieMom · 18/08/2011 19:40

Mumps in an adult male can cause sterility.

HoneyNutLoop · 18/08/2011 19:47

First of all...CONGRATULATIONS :)
Second...you are not being in the slightest bit unreasonable
As my gran used to say..."If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"
Im sure the miserable b's will love no 5 when he/she comes as much as they love 1,2,3 & 4 but in the mean time I'd let dh have a quick and hopefully quiet word...
Congrats again!

pingu2209 · 18/08/2011 20:20

Congratulations. Your child is wanted, will be loved, will be financially taken care of by you its parents, you should be proud and loud. Well done.

mummytotwoboys · 18/08/2011 21:24

YANBU but you have to expect people to comment, people just DO. If you only have one, people comment, if you have 3 (like me) you get comments, true too with a large family. Just let people get on with it, ignore and enjoy your lovely baby.

mummytotwoboys · 18/08/2011 21:25

also people comment if you have all one sex, because you MUST want the other gender next time, of course! Hmm

YouDoTheMath · 18/08/2011 21:34

It seems that when you announce your first everyone is over the moon.

The enthusiasm, however, seems to diminish with every child.

We're pregnant with No. 2, but hope to have 4, depending on how we get on. So I'm sure we'll be going through the same at some point...

People who can't say anything nice seem jealous to me.

Congrats to you!

DogsBestFriend · 18/08/2011 21:37

How the hell have you remained polite? I don't think I could!

Sod 'em, the rude objects!

And... CONGRATULATIONS! :)

devonshiredumpling · 18/08/2011 21:45

pepsi who cares what others think the most important people are the those who live in your house this baby is wanted and will be loved and that is all that counts anyway MANY MANY CONGRATS TO YOU AND YOURS all my love is with you

ShoutyHamster · 18/08/2011 21:52

Start a rumour that you're terribly sad that they don't approve of this baby and won't want to be a part of its life. Well, that's what you assume they want, what with all the horrible comments. Make sure you confide sadly in the biggest gossip in the family.

Then relax to the sound of a hundred mouths being rapidly zzzzzzipped Grin

ShoutyHamster · 18/08/2011 21:53

Oh PS and CONGRATULATIONS!!

Five, you lucky lucky thing, I am jealous :)

gonerogue · 18/08/2011 21:54

Congratulations.

I understand how you feel - I am 14 wks with DC2 at the mo and we announced to my family a few weeks ago. We got no congratulations from any of the older members of my family, DM and DF included.
I got sick of the no congratlations by the time I got to telling DM so I turned around to her and said
"Wow Congratulations Rogue, that's great news. When are you due?" It didn't elicit a congrats but she did look a bit shamefaced.

God knows what the reaction will be if we go for no. 3 Hmm

On a positive my younger sisters said congratulations when we told them so kind of made up for my older sisters and parents.

cornsilx · 18/08/2011 21:59

how many chn did MIL have? Could she be jealous?

dozyrosie · 18/08/2011 22:00

I know how you feel too and this will be DC1 for us. I have no idea why PIL seem to think they can comment that we are not ready. When we told them the first thing they actually said was "Oh bloody hell... is that good news then?". Not that I need to justify it to anyone, but we are both in our late 20's, own our own house, have been together nearly 5 years and certainly in a more stable relationship than they are. I think it's more a case of they are not ready to be GPs, which is fine, I will never trust PIL to look after my DC. I'm amazed DP made it to adulthood being "cared for" by those two moronic twats.
Even very Christian grandma managed "Will you get married now and get the baby Christened ... oh ok... well congratulations love... email me the scans".
In short just tell PIL to get some FUCKING manners and if they have nothing nice to say kindly piss off.
Sorry, guess I needed that rant too.
Congratulations by the way!

notlettingthefearshow · 18/08/2011 22:25

It is rude, but 5 kids IS a lot to bring to this overcrowded planet. I'd be shocked if anyone I knew had that many out of choice. Maybe they thought it was an accident?