To still be angry that an adult man felt it okay to call my 8yr old a F**king twat? **LONG**

[QueenofJacksDreams]

Ok I admit this is a rant because I'm still mad as hell.

Yesterday my 8yr old DD was playing in our back garden with her friend who is 10, DH and I were stood in the kitchen washing up when suddenly we heard a neighbour screaming through his fence and swearing we ignored it as he's always at it with his own kids then I clicked that he was swearing at the girls in my garden I walked outside just in time to hear him turn to my DD and shout "and you, you little fucking twat in the stupid glasses" I immediatly turned around and shouted at him "What the fuck do you think you're doing swearing at my DD like that?" he and his wife instantly replied with a load of abuse directed at me.

I took both girls inside and DH went outside to see if he can find out what on earth was going on as he said he thought the bloke was ready to jump the fence and hit me it transpired anyway that DD's friend had been tormenting his DD by saying "Well I'm not playing with you anyway" back story here is these 3 girls are always being nasty to each other but we've always told DD to ignore it but this time he felt it appropriate to scream and swear at both girls leaving them in tears and me shaking with anger and fear, I walked DD's friend home and explained to her mum what had happened. By the time I got home NDN had calmed down after telling DH that he never wanted me to talk to him again, fine we've never spoken before.

I'm still bloody angry though at what he did as my DD refuses to go in the garden now incase he starts on her again. I wish there was something I could do about it but it seems theres nothing apart from covering the chain link fence with bamboo or something which we plan to do ASAP I'm just disgusted that a man in his 30's thinks its okay to call a child a "fucking twat"

He was disgusting, talking to her like that, but why did you use the same language back?

Do you want your child to hear you talk like that?

Agree with Imperial He should never have called her that but then again, you shouldn't be swearing in front of the kids either.

No matter what your daughter's involvement was though, his behaviour is inexcusable.

How nasty was your DD to his DD? Without speaking to him you don't know. He did lose control in a very unreasonable way, perhaps there's a reason?

YANBU about his language and agressive attitude, but some people get very riled if they think their child is being bullied. How much do you really know about the goings on between the girls? If you think your DD's friend was tormenting the other girl, maybe he just went into parental tiger mode? Obviously that doesn't excuse his behaviour, but it may explain it.

Well he was obviously VVVU. However I wonder if you are being a little bit U too? Your DD has the right to play in her garden without being sworn at but his DD has the right to play in her garden without being bullied.

I would personally go round there tomorrow and say that you'd like to know what happened because as neighbours, life will be much nicer for everyone if you all get on.

Be open minded and if it transpires that his DD has been tormented by your DD's friend (and even maybe your DD; is it outside the realms of possibility?) then I think apologies are due from both sides.

But stay calm and for goodness sake don't you start swearing.

He was out of order particularly swearing and referencing her glasses. It will be said you shouldn't have sworn back but you will be hung on here no matter how you handled it which then escalated it bringing his wife into it. Your NDN was the instigator perhaps with hindsight it might have been better to get the girls inside, the friend home, Dad looking after your DD, then knock his door telling him to never talk to your daughter like that again.

I think as they didn't threaten you were just foul mouthed, it's not a legal matter. Id hope it calms down and the fist few times you go and sit in the garden as your daughter plays so she gets her confidence back up again.

I know I was unreasonable to use the same language back but I just lost it hearing this man screaming at my child in a very threatening manner including telling her friend that if she came in his garden every again he'd pick her up and throw her out.

DH spoke with him what it is, all 3 girls have been friends for about a year they all fall out and one gets left out for a couple of hours til all they decide to be friends again. DD had said nothing to the girl as she'd just returned from a birthday party. I've had to speak to the school repeatedly regarding his DD bullying mine including hitting her and swearing at her. DD had just been told to ignore her but typically kept trying to be friends. I can understand wanting o defend your child from being upset but I have spoken to his DD so many times when shes been in my house she knew well she could have come round and told me what was happening. Just the day before when DD was playing with a friend this girl tried to get to get her friend in trouble by telling her mum what they were doing in the garden with my permission so that the girl would have to go home and they wouldn't be able to play.

I have to see this woman each day at school pick up and I just know I'm going to be the bad person in all of this, round here its normal to swear and scream at your kids I've never agreed with it so have very few friends in the area where as she has quite a few so I know when school starts so will the malicious gossip too.

malicious gossip about what??

He was very out of order speaking to kids like that.
You shouldn't have sworn back but you know that anyway.

Keep a weather eye on your child and her friends from now on to head off any trouble at the pass and make sure you are in and out of the garden frequently. That will hopefully forestall any childrens bickering and let your neighbours see you are monitoring things.

He was being ridiculous in involving himself with a childhood spat, kids fall in and out all of the time it is stupid for parents to fall out with each other when the kids do.

But in his mind no doubt would have been the fact that you've felt you have had to go into the school about his DD bullying yours, he now believed DD friend has been nasty to his DD.

Is it salvagable with an offer to sit down and chat or is there anything to salvage in the first place with the neighbours?

Tall fences!

Whatever the circumstances, it is never ok to swear at a child, your own or someone else's.

Crisis averted thanks to all you lovely MN'ers advice and my wonderful DH who asked said neighbour to have a drink with him he apologised to me and my DD and I in return apologised to him and met their beautiful 3 day old baby girl all normality returned.

Glad its all sorted out. My ds is bullied relentlessly by the neighbour ds1 so I have some sympathy with him even though he was BU. Perhaps your dd needs a better strategy than 'ignore it' as presumably if she could then she would.

you were both out of order using foul language

if he is an alcoholic, offering him a drink is a very stupid thing to do

This gets more and more intriguing....is this the Chatsworth Estate by any chance?

I don't believe the word "drink" need imply that its an alcoholic drink fifi - lots of people say drink when they mean coffee/tea.

Glad you sorted it out OP - it's always good if you can "jaw-jaw not war-war" as old Churchill once said

YOur DD upset his DD. He shouted at your DD. YOu shouted at him.

Sad state of affairs.

I would call the police if that ever happens again. Alcoholics tend not to be the most reasonable people and are often abusive (my father is one).

Queens glad it is all sorted, nice to hear of a happy ending.

It was a cup of tea very normal round here Not Chatsworth just one of Nottinghams less desirable estates.