To have friend and her kids tag along on a day out

[vole3]

Here is a link to the original thread explaining the situation.

Have arranged to go on day out on Sunday with H and DS so they can see each other and try to show that we can get along.

The couch provider has asked if she can come too with her DD.

I have said OK.

I actually want to say 'No. It is for H to spend time with DS and for us to show a united front to DS'. Some of it might also be I feel DS and I are competing for his attention as he is able to spend time with her as a friend and spends lots of time with her DD and DS. There might also be a bit of 'if you want to play happy families with someone, find somebody elses separated husband to do it with!!!'

So, AIBU?

Is 'couch provider' single? Makes me suspicious if so - is he really staying on her couch??

Yes she is, and no they are not an item.
Not in a million years according to her as she is also pissed off by his lack of direction.
Doesn't stop me having those doubts when the mind goes into overdrive though.....

I just read your other thread. You have done so well to have dealt with all this with as much grace and poise as is possible in the circumstances. Your husband really didn't deserve to have such a lovely wife who was prepared to make so much effort to fix this.

My first thought on reading this post, is that she might be getting attached to your husband. People often protest very strongly when they don't want to be 'outed'. do you think she is protesting too much?

If she genuinely doesn't have feelings for him, then she is certainly being tactless and insensitive.

Call her and say that you'd rather DS spent some time just with you and his dad, as this is a difficult time for him. I think your son needs the undivided attention of his father.

Having read your other thread, you say you have given your husband a deadline. Personally, I would withdraw it. He was lying to you and cheating on you before he was injured. the injury is a red herring - a convenient hook on which to place blame for his atrocious behaviour all the way along.

You will never trust him fully again after this. I think it may have been different if he hadn't piled lie upon lie, when you first caught him out. As it is, you will never be able to rely on a word that comes out of his mouth.

Really the cheating was before the injury?! How can he use that as an excuse then? He sounds like a shit bag and you are worth more then that.

Have texted her to say I would prefer it if she didn't come with us, but if she chooses to go separately and we happen to meet up, then that would be OK.

I haven't always been so poised and reasonable, and have had the odd evening of being quite unreasonable!! I think I'm allowed.

I can see another unreasonable blow up happening unless I speak to them together saying that consciously or unconsciously I feel they have formed an attachment to each other which is not healthy for them, appropriate for DS to see and deeply disrespectful to me. Not sure where that will take us but I think it needs saying.

I don't think it is either an emotional or sexual affair, just leaning on each other when they should both be looking for that support elsewhere.

vole, whether you say anything regarding their attachment to each other, should maybe depend on whether you are considering taking your husband back. If he can so easily form attachments to other women, then do you want him back. Personally, I can't think of anything worse (barring DV) than having to look over your shoulder all the time to see what your husband is upto.