to ask if you let your children go and sit at other people's tables in a restaurant?

[BBQFrenzy]

So on a few occasions recently now I have been out eating with DS (18 months) somewhere (generally with a good view of buses because then I get to eat in between saying 'bus' every forkful) and the adjacent table has children on it.

Last time this happened, a (lovely) brother and sister (6 and 8) were making faces and amusing my DS and asking me lots of questions about him and so I was talking to them (they were v smart - wanted to talk about politicians!) until when their dinner came...well they decided that they'd eat at my table so sidled over with their plates and ate with me and DS. Even had their desserts with us. Ended up with me letting them have a go on my iPhone so I could attend to DS for a bit and then it was time for them to go.

Now I had no complaints about the children. They were lovely. And I undoubtedly encouraged them and DS thought they were hugely entertaining. But not once did either of the mothers glance over (I did try to catch their attention to ask if it was ok for the DCs to have a go on iphone because they had asked but didn't know if it was what their mums let them do) and even as they left and DCs said goodbye to me (one of the DCs came back in to say goodbye) neither of the mums even really looked at me.

IABU or is that just odd? If my DS descended on another table, no matter how at ease the resident diner was, you'd say something wouldn't you? Even a weak "Is everything ok?" Other occasions it has been a 3/4 year old loitering who I have eventually had to take back to their table because they wanted DS's bus off him (god forbid - his sharing skills are inversely proportionate to his screaming skills) or a chatty little girl who wanted to 'help' DS with his food. Is it me just being PFB with a young baby and not realising what older toddlers or DCs or like in restaurants? (DS walks but atm is still in a high-chair so maybe once I can't strap him down and he is mobile himself I will realise the error of my ways.....)

No but I might start.

OP, that's even odder then, if they just slid over and weren't asked. Did the other parents do nothing? I would have been mortified! Also, when we do go out to eat together we want to spend time together in a place with wine and chips and I don't think I'd want DS to not sit with us.

very odd. I would have said for them to eat with their parents. and say we would see them whenthey were done! (not critisising your decisions at all, I just wouldn't have been able to cope with the wierdness)

I have told this story before, but dd got chatting to the children at the next table when we were in a restaurant in NY. When I turned round to check she wasn't bothering anyone, the parents turned out to be Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas.

I was unable to speak. I just smiled and made some vague gestures as to it being OK. DD happily sat down and chatted away. One to tell her about when she grows up. CZJ is absolutely gorgeous though!

Dd also made friends with a little boy on the Thalys from Paris once. He plonked himself down and they entertained each other the whole way back to Brussels. I think his mother (on her own) was VERY grateful. Dd was most put out that we didn't invite him back for tea.

i get random kids on trains in cafes on the bus they all swarm to me and DD i came out tescos toilet earlier to find her talking to a 10 yr old we ended up halfway round tescos with her tagging along.. drives me mad but im too polite they're only kiddies would never let DD do it as i find it rude and know other ppl arent as shy as me to say!!

DS1 often manages to make friends with complete strangers in cafes and restaurants (and has in the past sat and chatted for a long time - I'd stick in an embarrassed emoticon here if I could figure out how on my phone). I have always checked that he isn't bothering his new "friends" (who are frequently in their 60s or older) and I often call him back in case they were just being polite.

I've never let him eat his meal with them or disturb their meal, however if others can get away with it...

Oh and I always (at a bare minimum) make sure I catch their eye as I'm/they're leaving and mouth "thank you", but will usually chat with them and make it clear how grateful I am that they managed to sit through endless tales about the Octonauts/Thomas/Cars so that I didn't have to!

It's that benign neglect shite again isn't it? When lazy, selfish parents are happy to ignore their own kids as long as some other poor sod is cornered into entertaining them.

Good lord! No. I would be delighted if they found some child friends and went off to play with them but I wouldn't let them hassle an adult like that. I have been the adult in that scenario and although the kids have been lovely I have got a bit pissed off after a while.

It's not benign neglect if you leave the hard work to someone else!

Very odd indeed, mind you, it is a little like whenever i go to playgroups I seem to end up playing with kids around the craft table which my DD can't resist and entertaining other people's children while they sit on the side and drink tea all session! Dare I say is often some of the childminders who are the worst, since they don't seem as interested in making friends with others.

I'm sure the other mother had a lovely lunch!

No, not when eating, very rude.

DH and I braved our first evening meal out with DS when he was about 15m. Up until that point meals had been a bolt your meal and the first to finish jiggles the baby affair, so we weren't looking forward to keeping him entertained in a restaurant full of other people. Anyway , it was a booth and he got "talking" to the couple sat next to us, who were telling us about their GS of the same age, they mentioned a few details, his (fairly common name) and where he lived. They chatted to DS and kept him entertained while we ate (our courses seemed to never coincide, so when we were eating they weren't and vice versa). We were amazed at the end of the meal about how relaxed it had been and how much we had actually enjoyed it.

Anyway, I put 2 and 2 together after the meal and figured out she was the mother of an MNer - on my antenatal thread and that I had met IRL :o

How rude of the parents!!!! I think if the children had been chatting I wouldnt mind them sitting at the one table - if it was next to me - but they would have had to come and ask me first, and they would know to do that, and I would have got up and asked the parent or at least turned around. TBH I would have made them sit at our table till they had finished their food, this is one of the reasons so many children have no table manners, parents dont supervise their eating!!

Not even to have looked your way makes them rude, lazy, horrible people. I always go by the principle - I adore my own children but the little foibles that amuse me are possibly horribly irritating to others - and I know when I eat out without them I hate bad mannered children being there. We (me and DH) went to a nice bistro-pub a few months back and there were two children at the next table, dad drunk pints and mum played on her mobile while DS threw everything from his high chair all over the floor and DD stood up, wandered round, moved things from other peoples table, chucke salt everywhere, and generally behaved in a way which would have had mine whizzed home and sent to bed. Neither batted an eyelid or even tried to pick up the food, they sat for ages after they finised their meal, then they calmly left. It was so bad two women at the next table over came and spoke to us after they left!! and we chose never to go back to the bistro again.

Er, no. Definitely odd. Reminds me of the time my 3 little DS's befriended two lovely little girls on holiday. They always wanted to hang around us because they loved making a fuss of my baby as well as playing with the older two. But we just ended up saddled with practically babysitting these two girls the whole holiday, whilst their parents just swanned off to the sauna, or the adults only pool, or for a romantic lunch 'a deux'. It really pissed me off.

AAARGH Fellatio I could just see me falling into that trap. Am contemplating first holiday as a single parent with DS and have visions of swarms of children. Am seriously no Mary Poppins - I obviously just engage that bit too much and feel too bad to ignore - need to toughen up because I would end up a seething ball of resentment - kind of defeats purpose of holiday.

In defence of mothers of the 6 and 8 yr old we were in Cafe Rouge where this is approximately 1 inch between tables so the children only had to pick up their plates and swivel their bums (or pull chair a bit) to put their plates on my table - I had to then annexe table to the right when our food came so me and DS had enough space to eat. And like I keep saying they were truly delightful children (they also wanted to discuss how soon 3D TV would become affordable alongside saying they were not fans of David Cameron! Was the most adult conversation I'd probably had in days!)

The little girl who wanted the bus was driving me nuts because we were near the toilet (nice - but best view of buses) and she kept almost getting knocked over by the door and I couldn't cope with the stress of keeping gently moving her out of the way while asking her where her mummy or daddy was so I did have to take her hand back into the main bit and escort her to her table while leaving DS for a moment. That was a table of four adults and woman just said vaguely "Oh there you are" ....so not kidnapped or under a bus then.