...in thinking that it hasn't dawned on some posters...

[woollyideas]

...that their DCs will grow up to be teenagers one day? The amount of vitriol I've read on MN about feckless, feral, worthless teenagers is astonishing. For example (on these threads recently): let's make it compulsory for them all to join one of the armed services, let's implant them with long-lasting contraceptives...

AIBU in thinking that there are actually a lot of nice teenagers out there who are working hard for their GCSEs and A Levels, who have aspirations, who would like to get some part-time work if only they could, who are worrying about their futures, etc. etc. and that they are probably in the majority?

"usually you may however find a diary\blog which is an untrue representation of their lives, and is full of stuff you had absolutely no idea about, which may or may not be true"

Ohhhh yes! Isn't that the truth

Currently I am counting myself lucky that my teenager still talks to me and likes to spend time with me (some of it anyway). I don't expect miracles. I only have to remember how horrible I found being a teenager to be able to forgive a lot. But IIRC my vileness was saved for home - I was sweetness and light to everyone else - so am expecting that too.

I think they're kids and all kids can be little sods at times! mY 16 year old can be a right sod at times , if you speak to any other adult who knows him though you would be told what a lovely polite, helpful boy he is, maybe I should see if they will ask him to clean his room

I don't like the idea of National Service for teenagers. I am sure that my son won't need to do any such thing to know morals/boundaries/respect for others because I will teach those things to him. That is my job.

However, I do think that national service might be a good alternative to prison, for some crimes. Prison doesn't work a lot of the time, sadly. I think it might be more constructive to get young offenders doing something where they will be learning skills, learning to respect authority (sorry, but it IS there for a reason) and doing something worthwhile. If they feel valued, they might behave better when they come out. I suppose my plan is flawed and someone will tell me so shortly.

Agree with NS as alternative to prison, prison seems to do nothing for anyone except teach amateurs to be pro criminals.

shhh trying to pretend it's not going to happen.

I have a lovely teen, she helps around the house, plays with the little ones, walks the dog, talks about interesting things, reads loads. They aren't all off the rails.

She's a lot nicer than me, btw

You just don't SEE nice teenagers unless you're related to some. You don't see the ones just walking around town with their mates, quietly shopping or whatever, just like you don't see law-abiding sensible cyclists - they're just invisible. You notice them when they cause trouble, or even look like they will. You literally don't see the ones that are doing responsible stuff like revising for GCSEs, going to Guides, doing voluntary work, because those things don't happen at 9pm on a Saturday night outside the Co-Op when you're getting an emergency pint of milk.

This is why, when I'm pulling together the news stories for the talking newsletter I do some work for, I always keep an eye out for teens raising money for charity, doing voluntary work, etc - as much to remind MYSELF as our visually impaired, elderly listeners that there are loads of decent teenagers out there.

This is also why I am - mostly - quite happy that my 7yo DD is currently in the local theatre with a bunch of kids who are no older than 18, getting ready for a play this evening. Overall, I'm no more nervous than if there was an adult in charge - at least the teenagers, bless 'em, are mostly naive enough to find her cute, and take extra-good care of her.

woolly - Chichester is hardly a barometer

its so true - think of it same as a baby, it is sheer pot luck if you get a well behaved/good/ sleeper/feeder and nothing to do with how you parent

My mum had 4 completely different teenagers. My older DB was the rebel, but clever as hell. Different hairstyle every week (this was in the 80's and, much to Mum's despair around the same time she was attempting to adopt us) DSis was image obsessed - always on a diet, always working out, different boyfriend every week. My younger DB would push his boundaries a little (late back occassionaly) but not too much. And I was the angsty (would have been emo) teen who was convinced the world hated her...

It's a matter of luck what you get, really, I think.

Yanbu. I was a dreadful, gobby, argumentative, self-harming, running away from school, fighting with my family teen. My parents were perfectly sensible and strict, didn't stop my hormones going off the scale and hurting everyone for a couple of years.

20 years on I like pruning my roses, going to the gym and worrying about interest rates.

This is why I haven't added a penny to the kids child trust funds, "here, have a big pile of money at 18". Child goes off to fritter it on beer, drugs, clothes etc....

I had a good time, too, TSC. I may have been screwed up & aimless, but there are some adventures you can only get away with in your youth

oh yes i loved my teenage years

woolly - I'd have to agree with Alibaba - Chichester is hardly a hotbed of teenage angst, with sweeping hordes of delinquents rampaging across the Cathedral green towards the Army & Navy stores, where they may stop their mindless pillaging for a nice cup of tea and a fruit scone.

Perry, you may be comfortable with Cameron's apparent conversion to such social engineering but don't you think he should have campaigned quite clearly on that platform, and lined up his ministers to say that they would be delighted for their teenagers to do 'national service' at 16 and have contraceptive implants?

No, he didn't do that because it's mental times 100.

Sorry Bupcakes I have found the fatal flaw in your plan. If prison will only teach pesky teens to be more effective, national service would only teach those same kids how to use weapons and train them in unarmed combat.

Oops sorry, I thought I'd said "non-military national service."

I meant that.

I don't know what non-military national service is. Helping firemen and that? I dunno. Help.

I so agree with all the posters on this thread.
I was involved in a couple of threads sticking up for teenagers last week.
I live alone with my lovely 16 year old, and his friends are delightful.
They are teenagers, and as so many have said above, so were we once.
And there was no way he'll ever do national service. I wouldn't have either.

Everyone knows that mumsnetters would never have a badly behaved teen. All mumsnetter teenagers are above average, heading for a Russell group uni and perfectly behaved.

yanbu.

garlicbutter some of us who live in small towns not only know we are born but know a lot more too. Some of us who live in small towns now, once lived in large, metropolitan cities all over Europe. Get a grip and stop being trivial.

Every generation has despaired of the next since Aristotle or before. Of course, there are okay kids and of course there are shits. The majority are the in-betweens, fuelled with a raging cauldron of hormones, desperately pushing the limits to test growing up and parental values, sometimes anti-social (no we don't want that) sometimes just horrid to the family (no we don't want that) and sometimes vicious to society and/or the family (and no we don't want that either). How glorious were all of you ? no, not necessarily wrecking Croydon, but being pretty horrid to your mum or brother. I certainly don't feel very proud of myself for much of teenage years ? A levels etc notwithstanding. As a parent, you have to work harder with teenagers than you ever did with babies and toddlers. Get it right, though it doesn't always seem that way at the time, and, believe me, it's more than worth it.

Mine are beyond teenage years and are both lovely. They've had the odd "pain in the bum" moment here and there but not many and, on the whole, we've had a very easy ride with them.

Maybe I'm turning into an old grump but I do wonder how things will be in another 10 or so years when I read about some of the over-indulgence of children now. Having said that, maybe it is a case as Atropos said earlier that every generation condemns those after it. Guess we won't know for 10 years or so...............