To get annoyed about "Stag Weekends"?

[Purplegirlie]

DH has got an invitation to yet another "Stag weekend"; travelling to a city 200 miles away on the Friday, and therefore taking a day's annual leave, then 2 nights of staying in a nice hotel, drinking and going out to eat, oh and a bit of go-karting thrown in, whilst I stay at home and look after the kids, on a budget!

It's DH's best friend and he feels he can't say "no", and I guess I don't mind him going away that much, it's all the costs involved and the fact that he's going to be away for 3 days that annoys me. In the past few years he's been on several others; Ibiza for 4 days, somewhere else in Spain for 4 days, Newcastle, Dublin, several to London, none of which are less than 2 days' duration. Each costs a minimum of about £300, the ones abroad involving flights etc have obviously cost more.

I just feel that stag do's are getting out of hand; whatever happened to a good old fashioned stag night? Grooms seem to be getting more and more competitive about where they're going and looking for better and better and more expensive locations. And lots of men seem to have a problem saying "no". Funnily enough many brides just have a hen night or maybe a spa day if they're pushing the boat out; probably because lots of women are conscious of the fact that they have children to look after and money isn't unlimited.

I know exactly what you mean OP. Mine's had 2 close friends married this year and they both involved a stag weekend 200 miles away. Spent £400 just on the last one. Another friend (although not as close a friend) is getting married in september. I told him he wasn't going, mainly because its my due date to have first baby, but also because they are such a lot of money.

The brides to both of above husbands had a day out with a picnic followed by a nice meal out and then dancing, you could pick and choose which you went to (I obviously skipped the dancing being very pregnant!) I think I spent a max of £50.

I understand that it's very difficult for him to say no to his best friends stag though, it's different. I don't think I could say no. However OP do you think you could get the weekend 'in lieu'? So he owes you a weekend away from kids and you could go to a spa? I've asked that my main christmas present from family (to club together) for a spa day for me after baby's born.

YANBU, not at all. Why don't you add up how much he has spent on them in the last few years and present him with the total, then ask when you will get your turn?

Or just say that you are going away on a "girls' weekend" to somewhere nice in a few months, can't say no as your best friend is organising it, and see what his reaction is.

Has he ever actually thought about the disparity between the two of you?

I also second accepting any future hen "do" invitations. If there is enough money for him to get time off, you should get it too.

I think the only unreasonable thing is that you don't seem to get the opportunity to spend time in a similar way with your friends.
Otherwise, stag do's (and hen do's) and any other similar gatherings are a great excuse to spend leisure time with friends and should be valued as such. If any of you don't value your friends enough to attend, then perhaps you should reassess your friendship altogether.

Disclaimer: Obviously nobody should be spending the kids dinner money on socialising!

YABU to blame stag weekends.

I love going on the hen weekends with my girlfriends now that I can afford it. We can spend several hundreds of pounds on a weekend away. Out of the gang that I mate around with not everyone can afford to do everything so everyone picks and chooses what hen nights/weeeknds they go on, what party nights they go to, what evenings out they go on etc.

A few years ago I couldn't afford much so I declined stuff and just did stuff that I could afford. Other mates had more money than me, why should they not do what ever they want because I was skint.

Your DH could easy do the same.

ensure That's not unusual you know.
I went on a snowboarding hen week about 3 years ago!! 8 of us went and had a great time.

Stag/hen weekends/week are perfectly fine if there is no expectation that you will go on them but that's not always the case. Some people will book these things and then sulk/whinge/throw a tantrum if you say you're not going.

Why should people spend money that could be used for a family holiday/something else that will benefit the whole family on a stag/hen do? If you can afford to do both fair enough but you shouldn't be expected to.

Not spending hundreds of pounds on someone's stag/hen do does not mean you don't value the friendship and a real friend would not expect you to.

YANBU. I would leave him. I really would. If he wants to behave like a bachelor and treat you like you are a single parent then he shouldn't bother to come back.

Chaotic that's the point I was trying to make but you said it better.

In my circle of friends an idea is floated and it is not everyone's cup of tea. Last year some went for a pole dancing lesson some didn't feel comfortable with that and everyone was cool. If there is anything involving salsa the gang don't bother mentioning it to me,just not my thing.

Our next girls weekend is in Berlin but I'm giving that one a miss.

dh doesn't go on stag weekends, or on weekends away with 'the boys' at all, pretty much for the reasons that you mention, that we have a young family and we spend spare time together rather than leaving one alone to look after 3 kids. i would definitely be pissed off about it, particularly as you say it's a common occurrence.

YANBU - this was the source of a recent argument, it seems men invite loads of people to their stag and they all feel compelled to go. Whereas girls invite just their nearest and dearest and then do something which works for everyone.

Talk it through - can you have the same amount of cash to do something for you with? I know it doesn't always work like that and it wasn't about the money, it is just frustrating because you don't get a break all weekend either.

Lots of women have a problem with stag nights because they're stag nights. They will say until they're blue in the face that they don't have a problem with their husbands going away and that it's purely the money that's an issue, but for the majority of people I call bullshit.

It's because they're stag nights and because people don't tend to trust their partners.

It's sad and it makes me really glad I'm not married.

Stag night is another term for bachelor party. Not a problem when you're unattached. Some men would rather be bachelors, some would rather be attached to their soul mate. Some men want to have their cake AND eat it.

Bollocks. You can go on a stag night and still be 'attached to your soul mate' .

The 'batchelor' part of 'batchelor party' refers to the groom, not to everyone involved.

YANBU about stag dos (though if it genuinely is his best mate then suggest that he goes on this one but that you make it clear that non-best mate stag dos are a no-no), but please have some sympathy for us blokes.

About 20 years ago stag dos went largely like this:

1. Full English breakfast
2. Sport or sport like activity (go-karting or similar)
3. Pub
4. Club/Strip club

Then, at some point, two things happened:

1. Cheap flights meaning cheaper beer abroad
2. Economic boom, meaning more people had more money

Suddenly you could go abroad for a stag do. And every bloody bugger has carried on doing it even though we're all poor and can only just afford to put petrol in the car. The thing is that each best man thinks they have to 'outdo' the last one. Seriously, in a few years time the average stag do will be a brief trip to Jupiter with a few crates of Moet & Chandon for the journey, a stop off at an alien strip joint on Venus, return to a 10* Hotel on the Champs Elysee where everybody watches Taxi Driver with Robert Fucking De Niro. Oh, and then a fight of some description.

I have declined all bar one of my stag invitations in the last 5 years because I can't bloody afford them or I don't want to leave my wife with two kids for the weekend (though actually I do want to leave them for the weekend but think it would be a little harsh because I'd hate it if she did the same).

It is all symptomatic of Broken Britain and Cameron should declare a bloody Stag Do Amnesty.

though if it genuinely is his best mate then suggest that he goes on this one but that you make it clear that non-best mate stag dos are a no-no)

Blimey if my DH suddenly said I couldn't go on hen nights or weekends away he would get a flea in his ear!!