To really really want a band aid baby

[DesperatleySeekingSanity]

Ive namechanged as I know how utterly ridiculous this is. I feel my relationship is deadwood, but DH is very adamant to ever leave the home/split because he believes kids need both parents. All my family around me believe the same so it just seems futile to ever think about getting out, seems like its never going to happen. There is no romance and we both seem miserable, looking back it seems the happiest times we had were when we were first married and had the children. Ive always wanted just one more but DH always says no. I just feel it may just be the thing that glues us back together and proves we DO love each other.

Overnight you've gone from "I just feel it may just be the thing that glues us back together and proves we DO love each other" to "I do love my husband and I know he loves me"

Shall we chalk this one up as a Mumsnet miracle, or is it that you both enjoyed putting the bin out and painting the fence last night?

Oooooh REALLY BAD idea. Are you out of your mind? Glue things back together then have a baby NOT hope the other way round will work.

You need to work on your relationship and having a baby at the moment is a really bad idea.

You say you love your husband and your husband loves you. If you are both prepared to work then there is hope. If your husband is not violent or emotionally abuse it seems sad not to attempt to save your marriage. Is there a way that you can rekindle your relationship to make it work? I can see your husband and parent's viewpoint. In some asian families marriages are arranged and the two people have to work to make things work. There is not the expectation to be wildly in love or romance.

Even in westen cultures long term marriages are rarely based on just love. The intial lust is replaced with a more long term love. We have to learn to live with our inperfections and there needs to be a bit of give and take. In the early stages of a relationship we don't know that our partner snores or farts in bed.

Could you ask your parents/ inlaws to baby sit and you and your husband go out for a meal. Spending some quality one to one time can do wonders for a relationship.

Op so you and your dh love each other , but are not "in love" with each other ?

Did i read that right ?

A baby isnt what you need. Babies cause stress and grumpy , sleep deprevied people are not the easiest to get along with .

I think you would be better to have a nice "child free" holiday !!! . No kids ,so you and your dh can have some fun with each other . If you can get each other to laugh ,then then spark/lust might come back.

I know it sounds a bit daft , but if you give your dh a small compliment now and again ...and casually mention things you did in the past that you both had fun doing it might help him pay you a bit more attention.

I think doing something adrenaline rushy would be quite good.

Thing is to Have Fun with your DH ... once you get the " im fabulous and amusing and great company " thing going on , your DH will enjoy himself more and see you not just as a wife and mother , but his sexy best friend who he is lucky enough to be with. The romanitic side of things will catch up , without you realising !!!

If your still broody after getting you and DH out of this phase , then you would be in a better place to discuss more children.

PMSL izzywhizzy

I propose 'putting the bins out' becomes official MN euphemism for a good old shag!

will be another kid in the world to be used as a pawn between two warring parents

Could PTBO become a new acronym toniguy?

Absolutely!!

Turns to dh 'don't forget to PTBO tonight darling'

I actually thought this thread was going to be about Bob Geldof and 3rd world famine!

I was thinking along similar lines last night droves.

It occurs to me that participating in an extreme sport as a couple might provide a sufficient adrenaline rush to kickstart a tired relationship, particularly if the activity involved a degree of reliance on one's partner such as whitewater rafting, but a day out together (sans dc) sampling some of the very hairy rides at a theme park might provide the necessary shock and, at the very least, will provide the couple with something to talk about other than the mundane events of an ordinary day.

I'm also liking your 'Have Fun with your DH'. So many couples stop trying to please each other once the first heady flush has gone, and when we become self-absorbed in our own dissatisfaction it can be all too easy to put the onus on our partner to bring about change rather than initiating it ourselves.

That was my first thought Memoo - Band Aid/Geldof meets WaynettaSlob/BrownBaby

Another one who reckons this is a bad idea. I grew up in a miserable, dysfunctional family home and it screwed me up bigtime. Why not put the effort into repairing your relationship that you'd otherwise have to put into dealing with a new baby?

Oh dear I am so sorry OP

I don't think a baby is the answer to your issues though and it would be very selfish and possibly quite destructive anyway.

My parents divorced when I was younger and I fully believe that it is better to walk away than pretend that everything is OK in a miserable home.

Why do you think your relationship is dead wood? Are you looking for your relationship to provide all the spark in your life?

I'd have to say you sound stuck in a rut and I don't think a baby is the answer. How about doing something fun for yourself? My DH and I have been together for 15 years and our youngest starts school in Sept. I feel a bit like I am going through the motions sometimes but I know that is because I spend too much of my time doing stuff for everyone else (I also work full time). Roll on Sept when the pressure will be off us a bit and I will be starting an evening class in something creative just for me and DH (SAHD) will have a bit more time to do his own stuff too and I think we will both be happier for it.

A baby (whilst lovely) also ties you into the same routine for many more years and yet it is a routine that you don't seem to be enjoying any more.