To be uncomfortable with DH going to meet mortgage advisor without me

[JacksonPollocks]

DH is in a strop (often happens).

Today he's arranged to meet the mortgage advisor as our flat mortgage has run out of the fixed period. He's going on his own as he wants to. I'm pretty pissed off as I expect to hear all the options, not just the one DH wants. We often have different ideas. Also, the flat is in joint names as is the current mortgage. Is there anyway he can remortgage in just his name without me there?

just re-read. glad you are going

I disagree with Karmabeliever that he only has the power you give him. Currently he is in a much more secure position than you because you have taken on the care of your joint kids while he has invested in his own career. If you came to split up, while the law will help you to some extent, once the kids are grown and possibly before, you'll be in the worse financial position. That weakens your negotiating position if it becomes a matter of compromise over conflicting goals rather than cooperation on a shared vision of family life.

I've done the same, so I'm not suggesting you shouldn't have, but I do want to point out you have good reason to be concerned. And your feministic instincts are spot on.

We remortgaged recently and DH did most of the shopping around etc. Didn't bother me that he spoke to the advisor by himself and then reported back.

He wouldn't have actually made any decisions without talking to me - and indeed he couldnt have anyway as it is in joint names.

However the fact that he actively WANTS to go on his own and will throw a strop is a bit odd. If I'd said to my DH "look, I'd really like to be there for that meeting" then he would have rearranged it.

suchprospects- only 2/3 months ago I turned down a ft position worth £53k, I currently earn under 20k pt. I know it's my choice but it was a difficult difficult choice to stay with children. On that kind of money I'd have no issues standing on my own two feet. On my current salary I'd be earning pretty much exactly rent + childcare per month (in a one bed flat), if that much.

I have no intention of leaving but it doesn't make it less scary, simply knowing how dependent you are.

Yes, very scary

Especially if your husband starts morphing into a sexist twat

My first thought was he has some debt he wants to hide if he wants to go to on his own to see the mortgage advisor. However, having read the rest of the thread he just sounds like a stroppy wanker.

Such, I only meant that he doesn't have the power to do anything with the house unless the OP agrees because it is jointly owned. Obviously, wrt the rest of their financial situation, she is more vulnerable than him. Apologies if I wasn't clear.

Jackson, if his attitude doesn't change (and I'd be having very strong words at this point if he was my husband), then I think you would be best to reconsider only working part time. Being a sahm or working pt only works well if you can trust your partner not to turn into a man who thinks importance and power in a relationship correlate directly with financial contribution.