To Object To My Mother Calling DS A Problem Child?

[DontCallMePeanut]

Especially, when it's so far removed from the truth it's unreal. And especially when she only sees him for two weeks a year, 12 days of which are in a foreign country, with him being excited about seeing Nanny and Grandad? (The other two tend to be at family gatherings, so again, she can't make a valid observation on this)

AIB completely and utterly U?

Is there any chance that when you speak to your mum on the phone, you tend to tell her about the tough parts of your week, the bits that have worn you out or where you have struggled?

Perhaps she doesn't get to hear about how fantastic your DS is?

I tell her a lot more positives about DS than negatives. Always have done. I told her when DS managed two weeks dry, when he's achieved something, all things like that. I don't see the point in dragging the rare times he misbehaves into every day conversation.
t
ELNP, I'll try that suggestion...

The other GC had a mixture of SAHP's and working parents. She labelled DSil "selfish" for deciding to return to work once her DS was 10 months old (she did so for financial reasons) She's always said it was a shame DSis had to return to work when her DS was around a year old, so it does seem she favours SAHP, but then I shouldn't need to justify my reasons to want to do something with my own life, especially as a lone parent.

Not at all. I just wondered if this is related to the way she talks about your DS.

I'm not sure. It'd be more related to the way she talks about my attempts to obtain a degree, tbh. She switches between being supportive, and seemingly hating the idea.

It sounds like something that someone who has never had children might say (sorry not saying all childless people are so clueless about normal childhood stages) who has no idea of what to expect from children and what is normal. A relation of mine (childless) said something similar about my dc because of about 2 seconds of whining the only time she had ever met my dc! She thinks that children should be CONTROLLED every minute of everyday.

You have my complete empathy op.

My own mother has consistently said, when others have asked if I'm having more children ( one ds, and no, I have health issues) ' Oh please god no, we we exhausted helping you so much with the one you have!' Now (1) I live too far away for them to have been any help with ds and (2) I almost died when ds was 9months and still coped with just dh and a mornings nursery a week, again dm was too far away. Her statement is completely untrue that it baffles me. I have let it slide over the years, and ds is 7 now. But last month it was said again, in company and I asked her exactly what help it was she referred to. She told me that wasn't the point. She was exhausted worrying about how I was coping, it was the same as being exhausted helping me We have only just swept this under the carpet after her going in a huff for a month.

Could it be the same sort of delusion on your mum's part? Guilt or helplessess, doled out as critisism?

Just taking a thumbnail from what you've posted, it seems like she belittles you and your achievements/ambitions. By extension, then, perhaps she belittles your DC because they're yours. I suspect it wouldn't matter if he was The Impossible Angel Child, she's still perceive him as substandard.

Mothers, eh? Van't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em

fat fingers

perfumedlife I have that too. In-laws saying how lucky we are with all the help we get and how they didn't get any.

a) they never want to help even when I've been in labour or DH has had to go to a&e and if they do they begrudge it.

b) their children were looked after every week by grandarents and aunties.

I was so stunned I didn't say a word!