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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Crap shag WWYD?

20 replies

StagnantRabbit · 12/08/2011 10:42

Had a terrible one-sided crap shag last nite with DP of 16yrs. I was away for a week last week and so in theory we should have been ripping each others clothes off and swinging from the chandeliers. However, this was not the case by a long shot. I have been tired all week and therefore tbh would have been happy to go to sleep, however felt 'obliged' I spose, and as he instigated I just went a long with it. However it was a disaster and fortunately afterwards we were able to laugh about it, but it has left me with a funny feeling.

Does anyone else experience crap shags?! (or am I on my own on this one?...) What do you do about them? We have historically not done badly although things have dwindled somewhat since children x2 arrived (4y + 9m). My sex drive has gone awol and doesnt seem to be showing any signs of an imminent return, so maybe we were both to blame for last nite's poor attempt. I feel like we should be looking to spice things up but I cant really be arsed although I do love him, he is a fab dad, hard working, supportive etc etc, and we make each other happy in other ways non-bedroom related.

I'm hoping this was just a crap shag and am hoping its not symptomatic of anything else. Anyone go off sex after having kids? If so when did you get back into it?

OP posts:

Thruaglassdarkly · 12/08/2011 10:45

One crap shag in 16 years????

Are you bragging?

cheesesarnie · 12/08/2011 10:46

leave him

youmaynotlikethis · 12/08/2011 10:46

prob 2 weeks out of the month i dont feel like it so results in crap shag lol but 2weeks out of month is good

cheekeymonkey · 12/08/2011 10:48

Ditto darkly

Original poster

StagnantRabbit · 12/08/2011 10:48

LOL ahm well its not the first time thats for sure - usually more crap for me than him but I spose the difference is this time he admitted it was crap which he wouldnt normally do so perhaps thats why I feel a bit different... maybe he's thought the crap ones were crap too just not admitted it - meaning we've had a whole lot more crap shags than we'd both realised!!

OP posts:

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 12/08/2011 10:50

You weren't into it and it showed, you're not a porn star so aren't expected to do it on demand. Next time get an early night and plan for another time.

picnicbasketcase · 12/08/2011 10:52

There's absolutely no point unless you're both really into it - doing it out of a sense of obligation will only lead to shag crapitude.

QuintessentialShadow · 12/08/2011 10:53

It happens. Especially when tired, and the "pressure" is on, like when one of us has been away. I dont pay attention to it. I would, if it became the norm, though!

Thruaglassdarkly · 12/08/2011 10:53

You probably have, but for goodness sake don't dwell on it or it'll become an ishoo, and everything else is good, isn't it?

fedupofnamechanging · 12/08/2011 10:56

I think that some times people just gel more with each other than at other times. Some people can have good sex even if they are tired/worried about work/have just had a row, but others need all the external factors to be right or it just doesn't work.

TMI alert, but I'm sure the ph of my bits must alter from week to week, because sometimes everything is fine and at other times it feels a bit like paint stripper acidic, which is not conducive to good shagging. So, yes, I think people do have crap shags and good ones in a long term relationship.

sammyjj321 · 12/08/2011 10:59

sometimes people just dont feel it, id be thinking about it more if you were both up for a steamy sesh and something went wrong then. Sometimes everyone has to try when there tired, it just means you both have to mutually except its not gunna be the next porn hit this time :)

SardineQueen · 12/08/2011 11:16

Not feeling up for it when you have a 9mo and a preschooler isn't unusual BTW. Many people lose their sex drive until the high dependency / no sleep stage is over.

sparkle1977 · 12/08/2011 11:46

Thank god I am not the only one who is going through a similar stage, and my kids are older at 3 and 4 too. Just very rarely feel totally up for it these days. Don't have any suggestions as to what to do to get "it" back I'm afraid.

niceguy2 · 12/08/2011 11:50

Dump the bastard!

shakey1500 · 12/08/2011 11:51

Everyone has crap shags now and then. The key is, as you've done, laugh about it and move on.

Quite often dh and I have crap shags. Tis fine. It makes the non crappy ones seem like a honeymoon We tend to look at each other and say "I've had better"

I'd say it's a good sign of being comfortable with each other to admit that sometimes there's fireworks and sometimes there's soggy matches.

I wouldn't worry.

molepom · 12/08/2011 12:46

Dump the bastard..it's physical and emotional abuse

At the very least he should make you breakfast in bed to make up for it.

ZillionChocolate · 12/08/2011 13:26

Don't read too much into it!

cilantro · 12/08/2011 13:50

Definitely normal. Especially with a baby. Has your period returned since the baby? I find I'm the most 'into it' around ovulation time. In general, I think some occasional crap shags in a relationship are normal. They can't all be amazing! FWIW, my sex drive probably didn't return till well over 18months post birth and I think nursing affected it too.

ineedabodytransplant · 12/08/2011 14:09

I wouldn't mind a crap shag..

In fact any kind of shag would be nice..

edwinbear · 12/08/2011 15:38

My DH would be grateful for any shag at all at the moment I think. I reckon even a tit grope would do the job for him, poor man.

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