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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really frustrated

18 replies

Deflatedballoonbelly · 11/08/2011 11:35

I work a menial job, one day a week. the hours are 9-3 as I have children to collect from school. I also have a baby on the cusp of toddlerdom (eurgh, crap word!)

I get paid just about minimum wage. I look after a little girl on one day of the week so her mum can work and she looks after my daughter one day of the week so I can work. All good? No, because she has cover in any holidays as her sister only works term time. So come any holiday, Im up shit creek child care wise. I have found a fun (and cheap) club to send my children to. The hours are only 8.30 till 1pm. Im then left with the baby, for a year now I have been beg, borrowing and stealing childcare for my baby and its a nightmare. I get so stressed and flustered. I rang some nurseries today out of sheer desperation. For a full day (9 till 4) it will cost 30.40p which I dont think is bad. It also has an outstanding from Ofsted and I have heard good things.

Here is where the problem lies: Its going to cost me 30quid for the baby and 12 quid for the kids club. I will only earn a few quid Sad so my partner says its not worth it. So I can either keep working for only a few quid, jack it in (my partner will not want me to do this) or keep struggling

OP posts:
BlueCat2010 · 11/08/2011 11:42

Do you get tax credits? If so they will pay a % of your childcare costs.

Original poster
Deflatedballoonbelly · 11/08/2011 11:47

Even though I only work 6 hours at just above minimum wage? Will find out. Thank you.

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 11/08/2011 11:48

YY - childcare can be paid by TC - phone them.

Also who the fuck is your P to get annoyed with you for trying to find suitable childcare. Childcare is his responsibility too- should be split on days you both work He should support you and help find a solution not criticise.

cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 11/08/2011 11:56

Can't your partner take time off in the holidays to look after the kids? I know plenty of people who have to do this, it's probably what we'll have to do when DD1 starts school next year.

Original poster
Deflatedballoonbelly · 11/08/2011 12:00

DoMeDon: I will call them and find out. He just wants me to earn money, not have to pay anyone to look after the kids and me not to moan about it. He is getting on my tits.

Cheeseandmarmitesandwich: He earns a hell of a lot more than me in a day. he is also self employed. i cant see him taking a day off for me to earn what I do. In fact, we couldnt afford for him to do that. But thank you for your reply Smile

OP posts:
worraliberty · 11/08/2011 12:04

If it's only a problem in the holidays you may as well hang in there

inkyfingers · 11/08/2011 12:07

It sounds really hard for you. I would really encourage you to keep the job if possible. Most jobs have space for promotion and having a job puts you in a v.strong position to get jobs in the future and keep you skilled/experienced. Getting out of the workplace at the moment could mean it's doubly hard to get back in again.

DoMeDon · 11/08/2011 12:10

He wants a lot then for chuff all input from him. Are they his DC too?

He sounds selfish.

If he wants you to earn, the DC must go somewhere - simple. If your current childcare is not working as too stressful for you then something must change.

FWIW his attitude would get on mine too Smile

Original poster
Deflatedballoonbelly · 11/08/2011 12:12

Worraliberty, Its looking like the only option.

Inkyfingers: Im not very qualified, and I didnt do well at school. I volunteer pt as well so I can educate myself more without having to pay to go back to college, so I really want to keep working as I want to be able to help pay money into the household. Things are tough, my partner works in the building trade so things are a bit iffy.

Unfortunately there isnt really any scope for promotion as my job is so menial, but its a stopgap until after I have stopped volunteering and have gained experience and qualifications for a better job.

Thanks for replies Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Deflatedballoonbelly · 11/08/2011 12:14

Cross posted: DoMeDon yes they are his and he is a great dad but he notorious for being tight and wanting it all his way! He will come to think the same way as me but he has to come up with it himself, and it takes a few days!

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 11/08/2011 12:21

He's being an arse. He can't have it both ways - ie you work and look after the kids. If I were you I'd take the nursery place and up my hours - do a long day - and put kids in afterschool club or tell your DP he can collect them JUST ONE DAY per week.

Takitezee · 11/08/2011 12:21

Wouldn't your friend still have the little one through the holidays if you paid her something, it would be less than a nursery.

BTW The reciprocal childcare arrangement is illegal so I'd keep it as quiet as possible if I were you.

lesley33 · 11/08/2011 12:25

I think lots of mothers in low paid jobs don't actually earn much/anything during school holidays because of childcare. But many mothers decide to carry on with the job, because it is worth working during term time.

It might be a menial job, but being in work however part time does make it easier to get another job in the future. Employers do prefer people who are working generally. So since the nursery seems so great, I would put the baby in nursery during the school holidays.

Original poster
Deflatedballoonbelly · 11/08/2011 14:54

Your right Lesley, My partner just findsit soul destroying seeing me work and not actually get any money from it, its a shit job Grin but someones got to do it! Thank you for your reply.

Takitezee I could ask her but I know she wont be up for it tbh. She doesnt have to worry about childcare in the holidays so she shouldnt worry about mine. I am also aware its illegal (which is ridiculous as I know and trust her very well!) thanky ou for your reply.

Merylstrop, I had never thought of that! Thank you for your reply.

Im feeling a little calmer now, thanks guys Smile

OP posts:
Takitezee · 11/08/2011 15:18

I really hope you find a solution as you sound like you have a fabulous attitude.

I don't know why you didn't do well at school but your posts are well written and you should be able to gain qualifications. I'm not sure how you go about finding whether you can get on any free courses though.

aliceliddell · 11/08/2011 15:24

No doubt some genius will be on TV telling you that you must have a job; that genius will say nothing about childcare unless it's to make you feel guilty about using it. Good luck! (Your dp is being a bit of a git, btw - they're his kids too)

inmysparetime · 11/08/2011 15:48

For 6 hours a week, why not get a childminder? They often work out cheaper than nurseries anyway. Talk to any other friends who need childcare only term time and see if they want to share their childminder as many have to pay a retainer to keep the place open.
You could set up as a childminder to get round the legal aspects of the reciprocal childcare arrangement, it would also allow you to set your own working hours and if you're in a childminding network you could work out care during hours of your other job.
It may be you hate childminding, in which case feel free to ignore me, but it's an idea anyway.

Original poster
Deflatedballoonbelly · 11/08/2011 16:57

THANK YOU! I am going to see a fantastic childminder on tuesday, she is Ofsted Outstanding and I have heard a loy about her a lot round her village. She will be looking after the baby only in school holidays, so I will still be able to help out with my friends DD too. Thank god for her amazing website!

It does work out cheaper by a bit, and that also means term time I can earn full whack and only lose out holiday times, I no longer muck my clients about and wahey!

Takitezee thanks Blush I grew up in a very rough area and struggled...

OP posts:
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