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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say no to friend's au pair coming to stay?

27 replies

MrsFogi · 10/08/2011 23:42

Dh tells me that a good friend of his who lives in France has just rung to say that his au pair fancies visiting London for two or three days next week and can she come and stay with us? I work FT and we are going on holiday next Saturday, I am travelling on Friday next week so will have to pack during the evenings of the coming week. When we have friends to stay I clear out my study (which I work from home in one day a week) so that they stay there. I am not really willing to have to cook for someone's au pair each evening, give up my evenings making polite conversation each evening (dh gets in late), clear out the study, have the extra laundry etc etc. I have said to dh that I am not willing for his friend's au pair to come to stay at all and certainly not next week. AIBU to refuse this request and to think it is a bit cheeky to ask at all? Is it usual to ask friends abroad to put your au pair up?

OP posts:

pookamoo · 10/08/2011 23:46

Surely the fact she is an au pair is irrelevant? If you're going away, it's not really convenient to have a "friend of a friend" come to stay, surely?
Just tell him it's not convenient. YANBU

Sharney · 10/08/2011 23:47

YANBU Just say no.

needanewname · 10/08/2011 23:48

I have been an au paid and stayed with my bosses sister for a week, however she had a separate apartment and wasn;t feeding me, it was just a place to stay.

You sound like you have a very busy week next week so YANBU, but you just need to say, sorry next week is no good for us (no need for explanation) and leave it at that.

You may have felt differently if you didn;t have all that stuff going on but you do so say no.

MadamDeathstare · 10/08/2011 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MrsFogi · 10/08/2011 23:49

I suppose I'm wondering if IABU as if it was a friend I would probably just grin and put up with the inconvenience. But I think it is a bit cheeky to ask us to act as free accomodation for an au pair we have met once for all of 10 minutes (unless this is what people usually do for au pairs?).

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 10/08/2011 23:50

YANBU.

WhatsItAllAboutAlfie · 10/08/2011 23:50

YANBU Just say, very pleasantly.....so sorry, I'm very busy next week and so it's not a good time for us, I do hope she manages to find somewhere else!

I've had years and years of saying yes to everything and feeling stressed and resentful, and now I'm nearly 50 I have been practicing saying NO to things, or things like so sorry I can't help on this occasion, and do you know what...everyone still likes me, the world keeps on turning, and I am a much nicer person when I do say yes to things! Have a nice holiday(smile)

MadamDeathstare · 10/08/2011 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LolaRennt · 10/08/2011 23:51

yanbu

Whatmeworry · 11/08/2011 00:43

You're travelling and going on holiday, end of discussion.

BluddyMoFo · 11/08/2011 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Collaborate · 11/08/2011 00:57

If you're uncomfortable about having someone you don't know, or isn't a friend of yours, to stay over, just say so. I'd think the same. No need to hide the real reason.

jasper · 11/08/2011 00:58

I was asked to have a friend's teenage daughter to stay for a week while she did a work placement nearish to our home. I had three children aged three and under. I deliberated for ages before saying sorry, it was not convenient.

The friend was really shocked I said no, but it was the right thing to do.

If you are not comfortable with it, please say so

BluddyMoFo · 11/08/2011 01:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

empirestateofmind · 11/08/2011 01:27

YANBU- just say no it is not convenient as it is a very busy week.

I do think it is very cheeky of them as you don't know this girl. She is just a friend of a friend.

Friends of some of my relatives were visiting this corner of the world a few months ago but no one expected us to put them up. We met up with them for a drink one evening, which seemed to go down fine.

aurynne · 11/08/2011 02:06

It is not cheeky of them to ask... They are just asking, not forcing you to it. If it is not convenient, just say so.

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2011 10:25

Jasper, why did you refuse to have your friend's teenage daughter to stay? Surely your friendship means you want to help her out?

warthog · 11/08/2011 10:29

i would say no.

yanbu

TubbyDuffs · 11/08/2011 10:29

Imperial did you not notice the bit about three children 3 and under? Why on earth would she want someone else to have to look after.

Surprised that a friend who knew how much she had on her plate had the cheek to ask to be honest.

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2011 10:40

A teenage girl could be a help with the little ones. Of course I saw that she had 3 young children - given it was only one post it's unlikely I hadn't read it!

Having three small children doesn't mean you can't have anyone else in the house. I would have agreed but said she'd have to help at meal times, do the dishwasher/dishes, help at bathtime etc.

cat64 · 11/08/2011 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

squeakytoy · 11/08/2011 10:59

A teenage girl could be a help with the little ones. Of course I saw that she had 3 young children - given it was only one post it's unlikely I hadn't read it!

Having three small children doesn't mean you can't have anyone else in the house. I would have agreed but said she'd have to help at meal times, do the dishwasher/dishes, help at bathtime etc.

She wouldnt be coming for a busmans holiday, she just wants a free hotel for 3 days!

YANBU OP, the fact she is an au-pair is completely irrelevant to this.

InstantAtom · 11/08/2011 11:00

YANBU. Say it's not convenient but you can recommend the nearby youth hostel.

DoMeDon · 11/08/2011 11:03

YANBU not to want anyone to stay but I think it's a bit overly harrumphy to say they are cheeky. I wouldn't mind one bit (except for the timing) - I'm an open house, do a favour kind of person though - you sound more 'ooh what an inconvenience' type

nothingoldcanstay · 11/08/2011 11:24

I think it's a reasonable request even if you don't actually know her.
As an Au pair she is trusted in someone elses house with their children. She won't get paid a lot and DH's friend is trying to help her out as most employers of au pairs and nannies do. I think it's normal to have friends ask other peoples au pairs for babysitting or related work and you get used to having an informal" favours" relationship with other families.
However if you don't fancy it just say no.
It's not unreasonable requsest though.

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