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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask the mum

20 replies

Mishy1234 · 10/08/2011 19:15

DS has started to be asked to birthday parties and his first one is in a few weeks. It's a little girl who he attends nursery with, so I don't know much about her and have never met her mum (DH drops off, I pick up quite early so we have never crossed paths).

I want to take a present of course, but I want it to be something she actually wants/needs rather than just another thing cluttering up her room.

AIBU to ask her mum what she might like or what kind of thing she's interested in when I call to confirm we're attending? I don't want to seem completely ignorant, but I am really as I don't know her daughter at all. There's no point in asking DH as he's only 3 and I'll likely get some ridiculous answer!

I had also thought of asking the nursery staff, but don't want to make them feel awkward.

I did think of making her a little messenger bag and putting an Amazon/Watersones voucher inside, but that doesn't seem terribly exciting and a bit lazy. I could make her a tutu, but that's only appropriate if she's into that kind of thing.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mishy1234 · 10/08/2011 19:16

I meant to say that DS is only 3 (although DH acts as if he's 3 sometimes!).

OP posts:

BBwannaB · 10/08/2011 19:17

A home-made tutu sounds lovely, nursery staff would know if she would like that, but you could end up making them for all the DC...

cjbartlett · 10/08/2011 19:18

A three year old girl will love peppa pig/fife/my little princess books
Or colouring books and crayons
Play doh
I wouldn't overthink
In reception you'll be mass buying presents you can't personalise every gift

AuntieMonica · 10/08/2011 19:19

I think making a little bag with a voucher in it is a lovely idea, but if you asked me, as that child's parent, I'd also be flattered (i think that's the word)

So NBU, it's very thoughtful of you

Carrotsandcelery · 10/08/2011 19:19

I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask. I have asked loads of times and loads of people have asked me.

What a shame to get a pile of Barbie stuff when she would really have liked some more animals for her farm etc.

Sometimes the parents don't have a clue either, but sometimes they know exactly what would be appreciated.

YANBU

cookielove · 10/08/2011 19:19

Speaking as a nursery worker, i wouldn't mind being asked, i certainly know what they children play with at nursery however i wouldn't be able to tell you what they have at home, so you may end up duplicating with something they already have. I think it is fine to ask the mum, i have asked a friend what she wanted for her dd's several times in the past.

missorinoco · 10/08/2011 19:19

Not unreasonable, presents for children you don't know are a nightmare. Welcome to the next few years! Be prepared to be told they don't need anything, which is why I never asked, although I agree it is a good idea to try to find out.

Failing that I used to buy presents from stores like ELC who are good at returns, and attach a gift receipt. Or even if you don't attach a receipt they will exchange anyway if it is an ELC c.f. branded product.

BUT the idea of a tutu is so lovely I think you should ask on this occasion.

Good luck.

cjbartlett · 10/08/2011 19:20

I think a three year old would be disappointed with a voucher
They love unwrapping presents, it's part of the fun!

ruddynorah · 10/08/2011 19:21

Go to next or claires and get something peppa pig. Clips, sunglasses, a hat or a bag would be fine. And attach a gift receipt.

TubbyDuffs · 10/08/2011 19:22

I'd ask the mum. She can't be offended in any way, and surely would rather her child got something she wanted/would play with than something she already has or wouldn't be interested in.

There is no way you can know what she has at home.

Original poster

Mishy1234 · 10/08/2011 19:26

cjbartlett- yes, I agree. I have visions of her opening the bag and holding the voucher with a 'what on earth is this' look on her face.

I have 2 boys, so any chance I get to make a tutu I grab it! That's not to say that boys can't wear tutus (DH certainly does), but I probably wouldn't give one as a present to a boy unless I knew that's what he wanted.

I think what I'll do is ask her mum. If I know the child well (been round to their house etc) then I often buy books as I know their taste and what they already have. 3 is such an interesting age and they are starting to really get into role playing/independent play, so she might have something like a farm or dolls house she's adding too.

Bit of a minefield really.

Thanks for all the advice! This is pretty new to me as you may have guessed.

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BelleDameSansMerci · 10/08/2011 19:26

I always ask the mum and/or nursery workers. Also, my DD (now 3.11) does seem to know what her friends are "into". So, not unreasonable at all.

youarekidding · 10/08/2011 19:26

YANBU to ask.

My DS' birthday is next week (he'll be 7) and neighbours and guests parents have been asking what DS is into.

I usually say cars/lego/trains and what would be considered 'boys' toys. I also say he's not into the Ben10, Star Wars and other character items. I have been adding that DS is just happy to share his day with friends.

I think people prefer to be asked what a child is in to as opposed to a direct 'what would he/ she like' because then you don't have the embarassent of peoples budgets/ what they'd spend.

BelleDameSansMerci · 10/08/2011 19:27

Now, tell us more about the tutus...

Original poster

Mishy1234 · 10/08/2011 19:27

Good God, another DH/DS substitution on the tutu front. I'm sure DH would try one on though, but I've never made one his size!

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Flowerista · 10/08/2011 19:29

I buy cinema vouchers, that way they can have an outing. Crayons and play doh always a winner. Can you make me a tutu I've always wanted one

ebbandflow · 10/08/2011 19:31

Loving your mistakes-so your DH is three and likes wearing tutu's.

mummynoseynora · 10/08/2011 19:37

I always asked DD what her friends liked doing at preschool when she was invited to a party... she was right everytime - which I learnt after apologising in advance for the mountain of arty stuff, only to be told 'oh no, she's right .. my DD will draw / colour / paint ALL DAY LONG'

Trust what your DS thinks... after all its a present from him

Original poster

Mishy1234 · 10/08/2011 19:39

ebbanflow - maybe my mistakes are more telling than I care to admit...

OP posts:

EssentialFattyAcid · 10/08/2011 19:42

Good idea to ask the parents but too young for a voucher imo

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