Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not clean this up.

15 replies

neepsntatties · 10/08/2011 07:21

I may well be in which case I better get on with it!

My Dh is working on our extension with his brother and friend. They are doing long hard days. I am looking after ds 3 and dd 6m, I am on my last couple of weeks of maternity leave. Yesterday dh asked me to buy some pizzas from the shop for them all to eat once they were done, so I ate with ds and dd a bit earlier.

Dh finished up around 6. I had just finished feeding the children I then went on to do dd's bath and bedtime so she was in bed for seven. I wanted to go for a quick run but dh said his food was about ready so I waited and got ds organised for bed. About 45 mins later I then went out for my run and dh said he would do ds's stories. Came back and ds was still up but dd had woken up while I had been away so dh was doing that. Dh then moaned that he didn't have time to do ds's stories because the wanted to drop the boys off so I did them. He didn't drop them off though, they stayed and chatted instead.

Once ds was in bed I had a quick shower and snack. Kitchen and living room in a total mess. I picked up ds's toys and put them away. Did not clean the kitchen from Dh's tea or wipe down the table in the living room as I needed to get to bed as I knew I would be up with dd in the night.

Don't know what time dh came to bed, I was asleep. I have been up since five so came down to organise breakfast and everything is still a mess. Glasses on the floor, dirty dishes and surfaces and table. Nothing has been touched. Dh is sleeping and will probably sleep most of the morning. They are not working today because of bad rain.

Would I be unreasonable to not clean up his shit? I know he did a long hard day but if he can stay up chatting then he could easily have chucked stuff in the dishwasher and wiped the surfaces down. I don't see why I should have to do it now just because I am up with the kids while he sleeps. Or am IBU and is it really my 'job' because he spent yesterday digging a hole?

A bit of me just wants to do it because it's annoying me and I can't face an argument but I resent the expectation that I will just do it.

OP posts:

Gonzo33 · 10/08/2011 07:23

YANBU I would be really peed off too. Doesn't really take much does it?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/08/2011 07:25

YANBU... but be straight with him why you're annoyed and what you expect him to do i.e. clean up. I think you've been assuming things will happen up to now, expecting other people to have the same standards and sense of responsibility as yourself and that inevitably leads to disappointment.

Original poster

neepsntatties · 10/08/2011 07:27

He is certainly able to sit in mess longer than I can which is often why I end up doing it. I already have two children though, I don't need another one to pick up after.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/08/2011 07:29

Then in future don't 'end up doing it' but give clear instructions. You may have to repeat yourself and you may be dismissed as a nag.... but if you don't want to spend your time being the family servant, it's the only way forward. Good luck

joric · 10/08/2011 10:08

Have got the same thing going on here- we're on summer holidays and DD out today.. DH has been kicking about this morning- not sure what to so today ... It amazes me because washing up. tidying up, cleaning, washing don't even get considered, he gets up and thinks about what he wants to do today.
We have a cleaner in term time and he insists that they are cancelled in the holiday... So I can do it???!!!

controlpantsandgladrags · 10/08/2011 11:46

YANBU. I would be kicking him out of bed and getting him to do it. I couldn't look at the mess all morning.

TimeWasting · 10/08/2011 11:56

If you always clean up promptly, then YADNBU.
I say that because I get annoyed at DH leaving a mess sometimes, but I'm slack too.

clam · 10/08/2011 12:10

By all means get on and do it. As long as you realise you're signing up for a lifetime of condoning and enabling his mess.

G1nger · 10/08/2011 12:24

Kick him out of bed, yep.

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 10/08/2011 12:25

Has he cleaned it up yet?

YANBU not to clean it up, but YABU to expect it to be done first thing this morning. As long as he did it some time in the morning, I would let it go.

Original poster

neepsntatties · 10/08/2011 12:26

I always clean up after myself. He did it. In the end I had to go out to take dd for a drive as she wouldn't nap and was upset so he ended up in the kitchen.

I just mentioned the C word (cleaner - not the other one!) and he said if we got one he would leave me!? We can't really afford one right now anyway but if we were both full time working then I would want one if we could manage it. Guess we can cross that bridge when we are rich.

OP posts:

TimeWasting · 10/08/2011 13:03

Just tell him you'll leave him if he doesn't do his share then.

BustySinclair · 10/08/2011 13:19

do you never talk to each other

did you not say oh can you just put the cups in the dishwasher before you go to bed

you are home all day, whats so difficult about pottering about during the day putting stuff away anyway?

Original poster

neepsntatties · 10/08/2011 13:27

I am doing it all day. I had 20 minutes to myself yesterday. I don't want to get up and clean up first thing when I have been doing it all day long. I would never just go to bed and leave food all over the surfaces. Anyway he did it so it is fine.

OP posts:

joric · 10/08/2011 17:55

:o @ leaving you if you get a cleaner!
My DH hates having a cleaner and says it is a waste of money.
I asked him who was going to clean as I work full time and part of the deal when I increased my hours was the cleaner. I asked him if he was going to do it!
He maintains that we don't need her, I maintain that we do!
I said that I would happily clean but would only work 4 days.
He didn't think that this would work.(!!)
Still have the cleaner- just not in the holidays!

Flip