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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Expectant daddy off galavanting day before due date.

51 replies

Lynzer · 09/08/2011 22:08

So my beloved has another love in his life, Noel Gallagher. And while I think hes rather fab myself, Im a little concerned that Daddy-to-be would like to go off to a concert about 2 hours away the night before the due date of our 1st baby.
I have left the decision fully with him, and reminding him that if he does go and i go into labour il expect him to get home straight away. What are your thoughts ladies? Should he stay or should he go? (and take me out for a nice meal before the abandonment of course) ;-)
Also, what are the DD DS etc abbreviations please, tis all new to me.
Hope all you yummy mummies are well xxx

OP posts:

LolaRennt · 09/08/2011 22:54

Tell him if he goes to stay sober as a bloody judge you don't need a pissed up birth partner rolling about. Although personally I wouldn't let him. ANd yes I said "LET" before all of mumsnet goes in to flames I do think there are occasions when you can put your foot down and not let a partner do something

LolaRennt · 09/08/2011 22:55

he does realize that if the baby comes early you probably wont want him fucking off to a concert the next day right? And he will lose his ticket?

rubyrubyruby · 09/08/2011 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackeyedsusan · 09/08/2011 23:00

not all first babies come slowly.... got from 0 to 5 cm without the midwives on antenatal noticing... (i bloody noticed) and then the next 5 cm in another couple of hours... so if dh had been 2 hours away when they found I was 5 cm dilated, he may have been too late! i was 41+1 though!

cadelaide · 09/08/2011 23:01

I suppose you have to consider how important it is to you both for him to be at the birth.

DP would have been utterly disappointed to have missed any of "our" births, but if he had wanted to go to a fantastic motor race (his thing) around the time of the due date I wouldn't have tried to stop him. His loss, tbh. I didn't feel I desperately wanted him at the birth, although in hindsight I have some very special memories and I'm glad he was there.

It doesn't mean your DP is a bad father or a bad husband if you're both happy with the possibility of him missing it all (which, lets face it, is pretty slim).

queenmaeve · 09/08/2011 23:02

Ds arrived two weeks early. I encouraged dh to go to a dinner, as I didnt want to go and thought at least one should go.Waters broke in the house. Dh was 2 Hours drive away. Dh arrived at hospital in a tux, seriously like an er script, all the midwifes were giving him admiring glances. But despite quick labour he was there for the end.

TrillianAstra · 09/08/2011 23:05

1st babies are often late.

Having an expensive long-awaited event the day before your due date is a sure way to make the baby come a bit early.

When you are 9 months pregnant and hot and bothered and heavy and fed up you will be grateful! :o

flyingspaghettimonster · 09/08/2011 23:40

I went to Slimelight (a nightclub) on my due date for my first born. I saw it as a good way to bring on labour, but the stubborn madam stayed put 4 more days. Why not go with him? If Neil Galagher yelling at the top of his lungs doesn't scare baby into action I don't know what will...

LordOfTheFlies · 10/08/2011 00:01

flyingspaghettimonster I don't know if heavily pregnant laydeez are allowed into gigs. I can only imagine NG would have the unborn one hanging on for dear life, bracing itself against the contractions to stay put.(Not a Noel G fan)

My own DS was eased into the world to the strain of Christmas songs, most noticably Fairrytale of New York with me singing along on gas and air.

QuintessentialShadow · 10/08/2011 00:06

My first child was 14 days overdue, and labour was induced. My husband dropped me off to the hospital in the morning, and I said to him "look, go to work, and come back after". So, 12 hours later he was back. Still no action. Our baby was born 5 pm the FOLLOWING day, after a 36 hour labour.

Let him go and enjoy the concert. The chances he will miss the birth is miniscule.

MoaningMcMyrtlepants · 10/08/2011 00:21

My first baby was nearly five weeks early and was born in two and a half hours start to finish, so you never know what will happen.

holyShmoley · 10/08/2011 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holyShmoley · 10/08/2011 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DandyGilver · 10/08/2011 09:15

He should go, with the proviso that he may have to cancel if things are moving -or if you have just had the baby.

Needs to stay sober at that point too.

Flisspaps · 10/08/2011 09:18

LordoftheFlies Heavily pregnant ladies not allowed into gigs? Now that's something I've not heard before.

PenguinArmy · 10/08/2011 09:22

How would he feel about you going somewhere 2 hrs away around your due date?

chippy47 · 10/08/2011 09:34

I wouldn't go. Isn't the 1st babies are always late purely anecdotal? In all likelihood nothing will happen but it might so you will find yourself having to make all the arrangements to get to hospital etc etc.. He is at a gig 2 hours away so would not hear his phone/get stuck in traffic etc etc. As it is number one I would not risk it (NG v birth of first child -tough call!!). Ds1 was 2 weeks early and nearly arrived in the car during the dash to hospital so anything and everything is possible. NG is not nearly a compelling enough reason.

StopRainingPlease · 10/08/2011 09:48

First babies rarely just pop out. Presumably if you were already in labour he wouldn't go out, and if you weren't and labour started while he was out, he could enjoy the concert, come back, go out to the pub, have a nap, go for a 10-mile run and still be back before the baby arrives. (Of course, you'd be pretty cross with him by them after all the grunting and groaning on your own!)

VeronicaCake · 10/08/2011 09:58

Mine popped out three hours after contractions started and 3minutes after a very cross obstetrician told me I couldn't possibly be in stage 2 labour because I wasn't in enough pain. But I had booked cinema tickets for that evening, and a restaurant table for the following night because by that stage (40+6) I had already decided I would be pregnant forever.

If you want to maximise your chances of a really speedy labour I'd send your DH at least 4hrs away.

jester68 · 10/08/2011 09:59

Well My first daughter was born 5 days early. Went into labour on the weds evening but they were far apart and fairly mild. Were regular through the thursday but not too bad. My partner went to work thursday afternoon for the late shift. He was due to work till 11.30pm but called him home at 9pm. He had time to have a shower and change of clothes plus something to eat before we left for the hospital. Baby was born at 01.50am friday morning.

Second daughter was 2 days early. Started to have contractions on the friday afternoon. She was born at 01.45am on the saturday morning.

Would I have let my partner go? Most probably yes, but then my mum was my second birth partner with my first daughter anyway so I knew I would have someone with me. With my second no I wouldn't as my mum had to look after our eldest that time which would have left me with no birth partner

HPonEverything · 10/08/2011 10:00

I'd probably be pushing mine out of the door to it so I could have a kip, tbh.

But I'd make sure I'd set his phone to "immense vibrate" or some such, and tucked it into his underpants :)

TeamDamon · 10/08/2011 10:05

My first and only arrived two weeks early. We were on our last childless weekend away at the time and he decided to arrive in the middle of it

So by the time he goes to see NG, you and your baby may be snuggled comfortably at home together

HumphreyCobbler · 10/08/2011 10:06

I went into full labour straight away with DS. None of those warm up contractions, gradual build up etc. Just waters breaking and full on contractions (which I thought were going to get much much worse, so I was terrified. Actually they didn't as they were full on enough to begin with). DS was born six hours later.

What I mean to say is, I was actually in hospital two hours after labour started in FULL ON active labour. Waiting for DH to get home would have been terribly scary. If he had been at work I would have had to suck it up, but if he had been at a concert I would have been v annoyed.

I realise most first labours are not like this.

toniguy · 10/08/2011 10:07

I am amazed by the number of people who seem to think husbands should put their life on entire hold just in case their wife happens to go into labour at a specific moment. Good grief its only two hours away. Its not like hes out of the country!! The chances are the baby won't arrive then anyway. I believe only a very small percentage of babies arrive on their due date, around 5 % ish- in other words there's a 95% chance the op will not be going into labour that night and giving birth next day. More first babies arrive late than early, so it could easily be another week or two before anything happens. Is he supposed to sit next to her on the sofa rubbing her back every evening until then?! And of course theres a chance the baby might arrive early, in which case it may be a week or two old by then. So they can decide together whether he goes then.
The only situation where this could possibly be a problem is if the op goes into labour very unexpectedly and has a very short labour and pops the baby out in a couple of hours. Sorry to disappoint op but that's unlikely! And tbh if you have that sort of labour, he could be anywhere in the days leading up to the birth- work, traveling...

Honest to god- let him go.

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne · 10/08/2011 11:01

My first was 3 days early in 3 hours.

I think you should join him at the concert, if that doesn't shift baby (baby choosing to be born to get away from the horrible noise ) nothing will

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