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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

....to ask someone to be my mentor?

48 replies

BibiBlocksberg · 09/08/2011 21:10

Now, this probably belongs in the work chat area but you are my trusted MN advisers, AIBU is famously ruthless and gets lots of traffic to boot :)

So, I am not a person who has ever had hero's or people I even look up to particularly.

However, there is a person where I work who I do very much admire for their professionalism and all round 'lust for life'.

This person is the CEO of the company I work for but has nothing to do with the section I work in on a daily basis, is not connected to my boss etc.

So, I found myself thinking tonight that I could learn a hell of a lot from him, especially if I plan to stay with the company. My current role is also a dead end and I don't want to continue on that path forever.

I'm proposing asking him to act as a mentor for a period of six months, with monthly meetings - for me to ask the burning questions I have and for him to supply the answers (with searing honesty if need be)

Please tell me, would asking him make me a really sad weirdo? I don't often have ideas/insights like this and it would take all the courage (i haven't really got) to actually go through with this.

Searing honesty invited and appreciated. Thank you! :)

OP posts:

Lindax · 10/08/2011 11:25

Difficult to say without details of type of role you are in now and type of role you are aspiring to.

Someone in a "dead end" role asking the CEO to mentor them in our fairly small site (120 people) would be very embarassing to both.

Is there anyone else who you think could help you, and once you have progressed and proven your abilities (and the value of mentoring) the CEO might be a suitable mentor.

PerryCombover · 10/08/2011 11:32

I'd speak to my manager and say that I feel I would benefit from some extra coaching and ask her advice on who to approach

she might say..me of course or point you in the direction of someone noted for having the time and skills to be able to devote themselves to helping you.

I was an ops director and our md liked to do this about once every 3 yrs for v senior people we were trying to move up to board positions
he then farmed the persons development out to those best suited to deal with that aspect as different things needed to round individual

ceo would never have been involved in a squillion years

be careful. If you are truly junior then ask to be mentored by someone one or two rungs above..learn what you can, apply and then move to different mentor
if you ask for CEO and are too junior you will look a nob

BrandyAlexander · 10/08/2011 11:37

Imperial, I think it depends on the size of the organisation. If you're a low level worker in a massive organisation (say 10,000 employees) then no wouldn't be appropriate to go straight to the CEO and indeed would probably be career suicide. If it's on a much smaller scale then it would be - if you don't ask you don't get. I assumed that the OP was talking about a smaller organisation, rather than Virgin and Richard Branson .

Without outing myself, my role is not dissimilar to that of a CEO. I usually mentor people who are at least 10 years into their careers. I have had the experience of a very junior person come and ask me to mentor her. She was a new graduate and I was gobsmacked that she had the confidence to ask but I was happy to do so, because quite frankly, we need more women in the workplace who have that kind of balls.

WilsonFrickett · 10/08/2011 18:06

I think OP said earlier that she has some sort of relationship with the CEO, so it doesn't seem that the company is that big?

Line managers don't mentor their own employees, they manage them. The whole point of mentoring is to get access to someone you admire / advice from someone more senior that you wouldn't normally have access to, IME. You should definitely be looking at least two levels above, if not more, but it all depends on the company structure. If there is a fat layer of managers at OP's bosses level, then it jumps to board directors / CEO level then of course that is who she should be targetting.

And Novice I think I love you.

BrandyAlexander · 11/08/2011 04:07

Wilson, that's very cheery to read in the dead of the night, thank you! I entirely agree with what you say here Line managers don't mentor their own employees, they manage them. The whole point of mentoring is to get access to someone you admire / advice from someone more senior that you wouldn't normally have access to, IME.. Importantly, I believe I provide best value as a mentor when I don't work nitty gritty with someone because mentoring is around inspiring/guiding a career whereas being a line manager is as you say about managing the day to day. I have switched from mentor to day to day management with some employees but its very difficult to switch the other way as its hard for both people to rise above the detail. I am currently helping someone who worked for me 10 years ago and left to work elsewhere. As she is no longer my employee, I can take a very objective view while having some information as to what her strengths/weaknesses.

IME, a lot of women don't push themselves forward enough (eg putting themselves in line of sight of CEO), always want to play by the rules (must wait to be chosen to be mentored) and don't take risks (what if I get pushback?). This is one of the reasons that below a certain level, a lot of organisations have 50/50 male to female ratio but at senior level it can be 90/10. Obviously not the only reason for this glass ceiling but still an important factor. I think its vital for women to encourage each other women to break free of thinking /conventions that each other so female representation at senior levels is more reflective of an organisation as a whole.

notevenamousie · 11/08/2011 04:20

Go for it
I had interview practice for my current job from the equivalent that you mention - and it really helped. But, I had my boss's approval, because he felt I should go for it, which is maybe different. Even now, where I work, I wouldn't hesitate to encourage my juniors to be mentored be other people, and my boss would feel the same.

notevenamousie · 11/08/2011 04:21

by not be

springydaffs · 11/08/2011 09:46

Do you fancy him?

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2011 10:10

Hate to say it, but I thought that too, springydaffs! I saw it that she wanted him to notice her (and not in a work capacity.)

BrandyAlexander · 11/08/2011 10:59

Oh my god. A very sad indictment if the only reason you can think that a woman could possibly want mentoring is that she fancies the boss. Would you think the same if the question had been posted by a man? Would you ask the same if this was your daughter?

WilsonFrickett · 11/08/2011 11:05

Novice IME, a lot of women don't push themselves forward enough (eg putting themselves in line of sight of CEO), always want to play by the rules (must wait to be chosen to be mentored) and don't take risks (what if I get pushback?)

Exactly that.

You could add worry that people will think I fancy the boss to that, I guess. Shouldn't stop you doing it though.

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2011 11:16

It was the way she described him that made me think that.

BrandyAlexander · 11/08/2011 11:50

What she said was However, there is a person where I work who I do very much admire for their professionalism and all round 'lust for life'. I didn't read lust for him in her sentence, although she may well comeback and says she fancies the pants off him!

The guy who has mentored me for the past 7 years is totally awesome. Bags of energy, utterly committed, utterly professional, has amazing ideas that no one else thinks of and is very much a blue sky macro big picture. He is totally at home with the CEO of a high street bank, meeting Chinese Government officials as he is with our junior staff. Spending more time with him allowed me to watch how he operated at close quarters and to try and develop a similar skillset. He has 20 years more experience so am no way in his league but am getting better all the time. He wrote me a note 7 years ago that I still have. From what I have just said you're probably thinking it was a love note or I am sentimentally attached to it because I must fancy him. Nope, actually I approached and asked him 7 years ago what I needed to do to go further in my career and he did that note for me. The note was very helpful because he set things down in a way that guided me over the next few years and helped me breakthrough the glass ceiling in my industry (I was at the level that women get to and don't progress any further). I am one of the senior women in my industry and earn about 6 times what I did 7 years ago. You could say that I am very glad I went to see him that day and wasn't put off by the thought that people might think I fancy him. And for the record, no, I don't fancy him!

OP could go and see the CEO and makes an utter twunt of herself or it could turn out the way it did for me. Either way, my point is that if you don't ask you don't get and women should be morE proactive and put themselves forward more in advancing their careers.

springydaffs · 11/08/2011 11:54

oh my, I have worked in countless offices and you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. You have to be very circumspect indeed in all your dealings. imo.

People will think she fancies her boss - that's just how it goes in offices. And regular one-on-one time? Come on! And like Blether says, her description of him makes it very clear that she admires him personally, not just professionally.

(and now I've broken one of my own rules, which is to talk about the OP as if she isn't here, right in the room (as it were). so rude!)

springydaffs · 11/08/2011 12:03

no, not the only reason novice, but get real! You have to be realistic. We are sexual beings, couped up for more hours with these people than we are with our own spouses/families - of course there's going to be a lot of fancying going on.

If your manager's job is to manage you OP, then perhaps your one-on-ones could include him/her. That way, perhaps your dull manager could get some clues one way or another.

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2011 12:08

I think it's great she's realised she would be better off with a mentor. The thing is that of course every single person in the organisation would be better off if they were mentored by the CEO! She is being totally unrealistic.

I think she should write to the CEO maybe and suggest a mentoring scheme run by senior managers. He may get involved in that himself, then.

PerryCombover · 11/08/2011 12:25

Also naff as it is. Sometimes singling yourself out for the CEO's attentions does your career more harm than good.
Companies do possess pecking orders and some staff members guard their rank jealously if they feel you are trying to circumvent them in some way

Go through the proper channels first. Suggest some mentoring to your manager. Ask for their advice. If you get nowhere then you can with a clear conscience mention to the HR Director/Partner or the CEO.
The wider your pathway to the top the better ime

MavisG · 11/08/2011 14:41

Agree with Noviceoftheday, totally. OP, you totally won't embarrass yourself by asking, with reasons why, as you've described. Shit, if the receptionist asked, with reasons why, a good CEO might decline but would pass the request on to an appropriate person and be impressed at the sheer chutzpah.

Original poster

BibiBlocksberg · 11/08/2011 15:19

Just caught up with this, no def. no fancying going on here. A flash of bravery from an eternal coward who has spent the last few years being ignored and treated as invisible by her own boss/team (violins)

Doesn't take much to fire up my enthusiasm/imagination for bettering my life occasionally.

Anyway, I didn't say anything and just as well really since the day after my OP it turned out I've made a horrendous error which has cost the company a shed load of money so the whole question is a moot point now.

Thank you for your replies though, much appreciated! :)

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 11/08/2011 15:27

Not sure if you still intend to do this - but I'm with the 'inappropriate' crowd.

If you work for a big company with an HR department, rules and guidelines it would be very out of line to go to the head of the firm and ask him to take you - a junior worker - under his wing.

I think just asking him would place him in an awkward and embarrassing position that could backfire on you.

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2011 15:33

Ouch, Bibi! How much did you lose them and how?

Original poster

BibiBlocksberg · 11/08/2011 16:03

Will post details when back with the safety of my home pc later today.

OP posts:

springydaffs · 11/08/2011 23:28

oh poor you Bibi! [hug]

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