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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I let my child decide how to decorate her own bedroom?

47 replies

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 12:41

Apparently I would be uptight and controlling and not allowing her to feel like a real member of the household if I did not.

Let's pretend my child was not 2, here. If she was 7? Should she be able to paint her room orange, eg?

OP posts:

JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 09/08/2011 13:09

Yeah - it's a bit of a faff to re-do - but it's only a weekend of painting in a years time or whatever.

I knew what you meant by 'meaningfully help' - I just think they are either of an age/stage to do that or they aren't so if it needs doing it needs doing (by you) and if not then it's up to you if you can be arsed or not

How can a DD be unreasonable in wanting a certain thing? I want to win the lottery - just because it's hard to do it doesn't make it an unreasonable 'want'

JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 09/08/2011 13:14

Baroness - poor you!!

I understand when parents want to keep the whole house neutral (I'm a white on white girl) so I can understand them saying 'No - you are not painting your room orange/black/red' but I cannot understand redecorating a 10 year olds room and not giving them any say into how it's done... it just seems very mean :(

Peoples' willingness to do DIY does also come into it and, as always, money.

My feeling is that once the walls are 'made good' to paint, it's not that big a job to change the colour after a year or two - it's the prep that takes the time and if you do the prep properly the first time, it's not too hard after that.

kittensliveupstairs · 09/08/2011 13:17

DD wants a lime bedroom. Currently the walls are magnolia and she has a sandy coloured carpet. She was due to get a lime one, but the man in carpet right was such a git she had what was left of ours.
She'll get her lime room when I have the money and inclination to do the painting. As it is, she's got a lime duvet cover and rug so she's heading in the right direction.

CMOTdibbler · 09/08/2011 13:17

I think children should be able to choose - but on the understanding that they will have to live with whatever they choose for 3 years (or whatever time interval you decorate at)

notso · 09/08/2011 13:20

Free rein should not be allowed.
As a teen I was allowed to paint my walls and ceiling navy blue, with one turqouise 'feature' wall.

It was awful, really depressing and it took my parents about 6 coats to paint over.
I find the current trend for wallpaper is good for DC wanting to express themselves. DD is having one wall of wallpaper and the rest white, the accessories have been chosen by her but she has been warned they must last a couple of years.

ToothlesstheDragon · 09/08/2011 13:25

we let ds (3 this month) choose the colour for our front door and for his bedroom. so now we have a bright blue door and a mr tumble room for the DC. Must admit, it looks utterly fantastic. (wishes she could have a mr tumble room now). I was allowed to choose my own room decor when growing up. When it got to my teens it was just covered in posters anyway

nickelbabe · 09/08/2011 13:27

I have fun memories of when we moved into our new house (i was 17) and my mum had to redecorate everywhere.

she stripped the bathroom back - the previous tenants had painted parts of it bright red.
when she washed off the paint (using sugar soap), it all ran into the bath and everywhere.

It looked like a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
it was great

We weren't allowed black, but my mum let us have a proper purple, with darker purple gloss woodwork.
it looked really good - even mum said she felt calm when she went into the room. :)

twinklypearls · 09/08/2011 13:28

I let my daughter choose all the accessories, so curtains, bedding and light fittings etc.

Original poster

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 13:28

It's never going to need doing, if I'm honest, I am one of those insane people with a pile of home interiors magazines who redecorates before things look shabby.

And she is currently happy to help; she spent the last weekend helping her Dad sand back an old chest of drawers so we could limewash it for her. But I did gently steer her away from the white china cabinet knobs with pink flowers on. I'm a mean mum, clearly.

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 09/08/2011 13:43

Well if you're a keen decorator then you don't need to worry too much about her tastes changing.

I suggest you pick 3 oranges that you can live with and let her choose. It is her room - and if there's not the "stuck with it for years" issue then why not. You can get some nice goldeny or yellowy shades. If that's your sort of thing. (I'm guessing it isn't though!).

Chill

Original poster

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 13:46

Oh she doesn't actually want orange, I was being all hypothetical and stuff. Just wondering if my 'I am the adult and I pay for this house AND I'll have to be the one doing the redecorating when she decides she hates it next year' position was unreasonable. Which clearly it is.

toothless, what is a Mr Tumble room?

OP posts:

WhackadoodleDandy · 09/08/2011 13:49

I was ahead of the trend and had a 'feature wall' back in the late 80's. I was allowed to choose my own wallpaper but chose such expensive paper I was only allowed one walls worth! The other walls were just painted a co-ordinating colour. I didn't care though, I just loved my wallpaper!

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 09/08/2011 13:49

I think you should allow a child to choose what they want for their bedroom, but they have to understand that they will have to live with their choice until the room needs redecorating - you are not going to repaint it in a year's time because they have gone off orange, or whatever. I do also agree with the posters who advise not going with themes like Dora or Ben10 that are likely to be quickly outgrown.

I have to say, Tortoise, that I think you were a bit unreasonable not to let her have the china knobs with flowers on - that sounds like such a small detail, and one on which it would have been easy to let her have her choice. Wouldn't the flowery knobs have been relatively easy to ignore/overlook if you didn't like them - and easy enough to replace later on, if neccessary?

When we moved into our new house, we let ds1 and ds3 choose new furniture for their bedrooms (from IKEA, because our budget wasn't limitless), and whilst ds1 chose something very nice and grown-up looking, ds3 chose something tacky and unpleasant in white melamine, that I thought was absolutely horrible - but as dh said, it was his room and so it should be his choice.

SardineQueen · 09/08/2011 13:49

I think you need to give a pretty decent amount of leeway on how a child has their own room, yes, increasing as they get older and unless they choose something utterly outrageous (playboy wallpaper or entirely black or something).

Shame about the orange though

startail · 09/08/2011 13:49

DD(10) has complicated stencilling on her walls, it took me ages, it is staying until she goes to senior school. This is non negotiable. I ABU and I don't care!

SardineQueen · 09/08/2011 13:51

I must admit I would have agreed the knobs too (as it were!) but when you say you steered her gently I'm guessing that she was happy with the eventual choice. Just as my DD is happy with her very inoffensive yellow walls

Original poster

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 13:53

Yes, you're exactly right, SDTG. The knobs I wanted match her new bed, is all. But they're just knobs, and not expensive ones at that.

On the other hand, she's two, and has forgotten about it. So this is really why I'm thinking about it now, for when she's a bit older and actually cares.

OP posts:

GooseyLoosey · 09/08/2011 13:55

ds is 8 and I asked him to choose what colours his room is painted in. He is a West Ham fan and chose claret and blue. How I regretted my words. I have now explained that I retain an absolute right of parental veto and his room will be white with claret and blue accents - I thought he was quite happy with this until it emerged that his idea of an accent was not a tasteful pillow but "come on you irons" painted in claret on the walls. Worse still, his father said that he thoguht that this was a good idea!

Original poster

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 13:55

"Steered gently" = distracting her in the hardware store, then talking up her wonderful new chest of drawers when we got home and letting her help attach the knobs.

OP posts:

JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 09/08/2011 13:56

At two she's lucky to get any say

Ilikepinkwine · 09/08/2011 14:01

Goosey, my DH would agree. :)

startail · 09/08/2011 14:01

Also, her room has to be able to act as guest room for her grandparents. Sadly, they are unlikely to be able to manage the stairs much longer. Then she can have a different bed and a massive reorganise and redecorate.

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