AIBU - Not to tell Mum about her grandchilds condition anymore?

[CoffeeDog]

Went to hospital in London yesterday to see a neuro surgron about my sons condition - my mum had my other children as i wanted my husband to come along woth us as we had a few questions himself and i didnt want to forgot anything, so he booked a days holiday off work.

My mum offered to have the other kids with my sisters help - she never has them - but told us it would be a waste of time as she dosnt think there is anything 'wrong; with him.
She truley believes that all his 'problems' are a direct result of me picking him up to much when he was a baby -( i had twins and a todlar so not really any chance of that ;) - He cried ALOT we now know some of that may be due to the pain he was in-and as a baby he couldnt tell us 'it hurt'

He has to have more scans and quite possiable a little op to help him - when i said about this she was really cross and said it was all for no good as there is nothing wrong, and we could do damage to him - ermm i wont being doing brain surgery myself??

(you can see his problem on scans and i have tried to explain about it and from the scan he CLEARLY does have a problem)

WIBU not to tell her anymore? I am fed up of having to justify his scans/treatments - and if he does need surgery just to tell her after?

MIL and husbands family are surportive and have looked into his condition.

So she knows more than specialists then...

YANBU at all.

I wouldn't say anything at all tbh not before or after!

I'm sorry your mum isn't more supportive, best of luck to your son x

I would personally just stop giving her information unless she asks for it. Maybe ask your husbands family to childmind instead when he has hospital appointments, then your mum needs to know very little.

YANBU I would do the same. If she asks don't lie to her, answer any questions honestly. If she doesn't ask, don't mention anything until you feel ready.

You have enough on your plate. You don't need any more stress.

I think it would be a good idea not to tell her about your son's medical issues if she doesn't ask, seeing as she is unable to be supportive or constructive.

If she does ask, you could (if you think appropriate) give her a summary of the current situation but if she starts expressing her own opinion, politely but firmly explain that you have discussed it all at length with the medical profession and are happy with the decisions you have jointly made and you don't really want to discuss it further.

You may need her to have an idea of what's going on if you need her help for more child-minding.

She might be frightened. Sounds very like something my Mum would do - go into total denial. If she's making things harder to cope with then you are totally justified in keeping details from her. Hope your LO has a good outcome,

Or
try taking her to an appointment. Maybe when a specialist explains it to her she might actually start believing you

DH does this too Doesn't want to use an inhaler on DS1 who has suspected asthma, becaue he thinks I means he will definitely get it. She is frightened I think. Keep details from her. Hope your DC is ok.

Thanks - she has made it VERY clear the 'babysitting' was a one off - she has never had all 3 kids - although will have the oldest only for a couple of hours when she wants if i drop off / collect. Her choice i know but not sure how long this can go on as the younger too are asking when it is their turn.. she has said no to them - even one at a time.

It will just mean partner cannot come to the hosp with me as he will need to stay at home to look after the other 2 but i think it will better in the long run, good job his compnay are very good at letting him have time off.

I won't be telling her anything in the future - I know she will never ask - she even told my dad everything was 'fine' with him.

Sorted and am now guiltfree thanks to mumsnet ;)