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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have never let DH see me naked in 8 years?

62 replies

LolaRennt · 07/08/2011 16:19

I mean he obviously has.. we have a child. But I've never actually walked past him in my birthday suit in the day light. Am I freak?

ps I am not a prude, I just don't like the look of me naked.

OP posts:
megkat · 07/08/2011 18:05

I think that is very sad. I'm a size 16/18 and DH sees me naked (yes, in daylight too!) all the time.

You're a happily married couple - why should it be a problem?

megkat · 07/08/2011 18:06

custardo me too - don't want my DDs thinking we all grow up to be super perfect celebs!

janelikesjam · 07/08/2011 18:10

i don't think others saying they feel fine and liberated about their bodies and she should try it is really the point (sigh...)

nickschick · 07/08/2011 18:13

Im not particularly into nudity although dh doesnt care a bit,I always think if i was a bit slimmer a bit more tanned etc etc, but dh really likes the odd times he sees me naked not because it neccesarily leads to sex but just to see me as me without my wonderbra or good knickers on.

You need to try and feel better about yourself,use a good body cream with self tan,shave or whatever the posh word is Grin but its your skin- every mark crease and fatty bit is there cos you made it - its happened to you and this is your outfit if you like.

Watching programmes like Goks whatever its called helps because you see that everybody really does come in different shapes and sizes and its not neccesarily about size its how you carry that size.

I dont think any woman is truly happy with their body we all have bits wed change my super slim friend hates her boney thighs,my friend who is slighty plump moans about her arms.

didldidi · 07/08/2011 18:14

well what is the point then - this is AIBU!

Choufleur · 07/08/2011 18:59

Not sure that YABU but think it's a bit sad that you won't be seen naked in front of your DH.

This is from someone who really doesn't care about being naked, going for a wee in front of DH and last night asked him to look at the lump on my perineum.

breadandbutterfly · 07/08/2011 19:25

YABU. Nobody is 'perfect' (even top models are all airbrushed). You should feel happy as you are, warts (or cellulite/body hair or whatever) and all.

If your dh is a normal man, he'll find that desirable or at least not off-putting. Do you expect him to have a perfect six-pack all the time? Would you feel repulsed if he didn't, or showed an aounce of flab or a spot or something? Of course not.

I was brought up in a home where no-one ever went naked; I'm the opposite. I'm pleased my kids are v relaxed about their bodies - I think kids do pick up on parents' complexes.

Your body is perfect - it made a baby, which is after all what biologically it was supposed to do, and your husband fancies you (or he wouldn't be your husband). So be brave!

wellwisher · 07/08/2011 19:43

YABU. I honestly can't imagine how it's possible to have a fulfilling sex life with someone who won't let you see them naked. Your poor DH!

What is it you don't like about the way you look naked? Get over to S&B and start fixing it Grin

Oblomov · 07/08/2011 20:00

How very sad.
And what has prompted this thread OP ? You've been like this for 8 years, right ? so why has it sudenly become an issue?

Oblomov · 07/08/2011 20:03

I sleep naked, as does dh, and have both children jump in bed for cuddles with us naked. Plus we have(dh and I) both ds's in the shower with us, from time to time.
does your child see you naked OP ?

feckwit · 07/08/2011 20:07

Oh God, no yanbu. I don't even look at myself naked, let alone let my DH see me naked! Haven't done since DC4 was born (7 years ago!).

Bleck, I hate my wobbly bits, can't imagine why he would want to see them and tbh he has never said anything about it so I guess he is happy with it this way too!

TooImmature2BDumbledore · 07/08/2011 20:08

I am currently naked, as is DH (just out of the bath). DH loves taking his clothes off Hmm and has infected me. I sleep naked and wander around the house naked. No idea what we'll do when children are older!

Original poster
LolaRennt · 07/08/2011 23:18

Sorry been out, lovely day here today!

I do trust him I just hate the actual sight of me naked so can't see how he could enjoy it. MOrning sex happens because dh is conveinently blind as a bat first thing before contacts! ALso I do freak and grab the duvet to cover myself a bit if positioning ourselves leads to me being exposed.

I feel guilty about as I woudl love to be more self confident, but I'm a size 20 I have just had a baby which makes everything even more saggy and stretchmarky. I have rubbish boobs for someone only in there 20's and really on the small size for someone a bit "bigger".

I do love Gok Wan, I would love to be like those girls at the end of the show.

To the person who asked why I was just thinking about it.... Just something I thought about as had just come from getting dressed (in the closet) before mumsetting and felt a bit pathetic about it.

OP posts:
Henrythehappyhelicopter · 07/08/2011 23:34

25 years since my DD was born, so that will be 25 years since DH has seen me naked. It isn't a problem.

gallicgirl · 07/08/2011 23:34

Aww bless Lola. I bet your DH really doesn't mind and probably loves that you would be confident enough to be naked.

How old is your LO because I know it really does change how you feel about your body? Perhaps there's something small you can do just to feel a bit better about yourself and gradually build up your confidence from there.

I always feel better when I have nice underwear on - even if no one else can see it, I know it's there and walk a little taller.

PeterSpanswick · 07/08/2011 23:45

I'm always naked, I sleep naked, wander round partially clothed and had naked parents. Probably not a pretty sight at 36 weeks pregnant, I should probably leave more to the imagination Grin

Sidge · 07/08/2011 23:46

It's a shame because self-confidence in itself is sexy, I think.

It doesn't matter if you have flab, saggy small boobs, stretchmarks, a droopy bum or a rampant bush - if you have the belief that you are sexy and sexual then that in itself is sexy.

PeterSpanswick · 07/08/2011 23:47

I like that, Sidge!0

Twoequalstired · 07/08/2011 23:54

Sidge - that is so true. I am very like the OP. Objectively I do know I don't have an undesirable figure but for whatever reason (and there really is no obvious reason, childhood issues etc) for it but I am really, really self-conscious about being naked. Maybe some people are just more shy that others? My husband would like me to be naked 24/7. Thinking about it makes me think maybe I should make moves towards that....what's the worst that can happen, right?!

gallicgirl · 07/08/2011 23:56

You get a jump and have another kid?

Sidge · 08/08/2011 00:00

See I haven't got a great body - it's not bad, but it's not wonderful either. I despair at my heavy thighs, my flabby tummy (3 C-sections mean all the crunches in the world ain't gonna get rid of that shelf!) and my curvy bottom.

But then I think, you know what, it WORKS. I am lucky enough to have a healthy, functioning, intact body that I should be THANKFUL for. So what if I have a flabby arse, I have 3 children and I'm getting on a bit so it's never going to look perfect. But I'm still deluded confident enough to be naked in front of my husband. He sees me getting dressed, we shower together occasionally and he himself is not quite as buff as he was when we got together! But we still fancy each other Grin

Oblomov · 08/08/2011 07:21

Sidge makes a valid point. But she refers to being sexy. And I think that being sexy is a slightly different thing. What the OP needs firstly, is ACCEPTANCE.
I don't think think that i am particularly sexy. Infact I know I'm not. Not a problem. I scrub up well !! But what I am, is accepting of myself. I don't even have the same figure I had years ago. But its o.k., its fine.
I wonder what has happened to OP to not allow her to be accepting of herself. Some women are just inherently sexy, but not all of us, which is fine. But to feel good about yourself, or atleast accept yourself for what you are, right now, surely has to be the first objective.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 08/08/2011 07:24

Lola, I would never usually suggest this, but since you mentioned Gok. Have you considered, as a birthday present/treat for you both, doing the whole hair-and-make-up-and-boudoir photo thing? Probably much less nervewracking than just wandering around naked, but I bet he'd love it. And it might be a good confidence booster.

(Not if you feel at all uncomfortable, though. Your body, your right to modesty, etc)

exoticfruits · 08/08/2011 07:47

I think that accepting yourself as you are is the first step, I don't think that any women have 'perfect bodies', even those who do have something they would like to change. My DH doesn't either, but we are not trying to measure up to anything. We sleep naked and so are bound to wander around naked.

Shutupanddrive · 08/08/2011 08:04

Lola I'm the same, always have been. Even though Dp was there when I pushed two babies out, I still would not get out of bed and walk across the room naked to the bathroom! In underwear not so bad but no way confident. When I look at myself naked I just think it looks disgusting, so why would anyone else want to see that?
By the way I'm a size 12/14 and weigh about 11 stone at the moment. Dp say she loves the way I look, but I cringe just thinking about walking about naked! Blush

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