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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to scream at next door neighbour!

25 replies

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 07/08/2011 12:09

When we aren't in the garden we line DSs outdoor toys up along the fence to make it look tidier
I went out this morning and had to pick 20 cigarette Stubs off 2yo DSs trampoline, neighbours have been chucking them over the fence onto his toys.
We have always got along really well with them never a bad word etc but I think this is really disrespectful and disgusting and I'm furious about it.
Do I confront them about it?

OP posts:

BluddyMoFo · 07/08/2011 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loopylou6 · 07/08/2011 12:12

You actually counted them?

Yes of course you should say something, they are blatantly taking the piss. Personally I'd of lobbed the fag ends back over.

< Petty >

squeakytoy · 07/08/2011 12:13

I wouldnt go round screaming, I would go round and quietly mention it. Perhaps they have a guest who is a thoughtless arse, and they arent aware of it.

GypsyMoth · 07/08/2011 12:14

I'd collect them up and take them round. Be toyslly calm but put the onus on them to offer an explanation. I'd say very little, just show the evidence and let them do the talking

They should feel so embarrassed having to explain it.

YouDoTheMath · 07/08/2011 12:14

You should definitely mention it to them, but as you say you get on well with them, don't go in all guns blazing.

But why someone would throw cigarette ends into someone else's garden is beyond me...

GypsyMoth · 07/08/2011 12:14

*totally

belledechocchipcookie · 07/08/2011 12:16

Throw them back.

dwpanxt · 07/08/2011 12:22

Maybe they werent thrown as such -more probably flicked n that careless cool way smokers do to get rid of the stubs.
So the destination of the stubs didnt figure in the getting rid process.

Were they crushed or whole, burned down stubs?

If they were whole stubs which have burned themselves out did they burn a hole where they landed - gives you more ammunition for querying where they came from .

Original poster

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 07/08/2011 12:31

There doesn't seem to be any holes on the trampoline, but they aren't crushed either and loads of ash is stuck between the fibres of trampoline, not sure how ling they've been there as crap weather means we haven't been in the garden for at least a week.
DH said to wait till he gets home but I think we'll wait till tomorrow before going in.
I did count them as I initially thought that DH had been smoking again and called to scream at him, he said to check the brand, so we know it's the same brand as next door smokes. (not DH)
I'm really bad at confrontation and am dreading going in but really can't see how I could let this lie!

OP posts:

emsyj · 07/08/2011 12:32

I would put them all in a bag and take them round with a cheery, 'I think these must be yours!'

YANBU. I would be furious.

MeMySonAndI · 07/08/2011 12:35

Do they chuck them into your garden regularly? If not, it may have been a guest and in such case having a word with them to make them aware of the problem may be more helpful than talking to the neighbours as if the problem is a regular one.

TAtops · 07/08/2011 12:44

Totally agree you need to consider the thoughtless guest possibility in how you approach this. I've been in that situation and although it wasn't the best solution, my slightly pissed guest who was smoking in the dark didn't mean to be so disrspectful. He thought he was flicking stubs over my wall into the street rather than into next door's garden.

slartybartfast · 07/08/2011 12:48

have you done anythign to upset them.
20 butts, surely that must be an ashtray emptied over?

Imnotaslimjim · 07/08/2011 12:49

I'd be bloody annoyed as well. We live on the end of a terrace so one length of fence is on the street. Someone flicked a butt over, and it melted a hole in the trampoline, I've had to buy a repair kit to fix it :(

I would be having words with them, personally

bagelmonkey · 07/08/2011 12:49

I would approach them saying could they please let their guest know that it's a garden over the fence and please not to throw cigarette ends over, so that way you're not actually acusing the neighbours.

Original poster

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 07/08/2011 13:02

They live in a mid terraced house, they do have guests every weekend do this is a possibility however it's their family and the same people who visit all the time. They live in a mid terrace house we are the end terrace so even a guest would know there's a garden not a street over the fence.
This is the first time it's happened although there have been other annoyances like their dog cramping in the garden(took them 3 yrs to put a gate on their garden, they regularly leave rubbish/junk in front of their house for weeks on end(not my business I know but as it's a terrace it does affect the look of attached houses)
I have never confronted them about any of the other issues before as I really just want an easy life.

OP posts:

slartybartfast · 07/08/2011 13:04

well i wouldn't scream at them or even taken the fag butts back.

but i would tell them someone has been throwing an ashtray over and ask them not to - mention how it could have burnt you, your child, or your child's toys.

emsyj · 07/08/2011 13:04

I don't see how it is an excuse to think that there is a street over the fence rather than a garden - fag ends are litter ffs. You don't just drop them anywhere, public or private.

slartybartfast · 07/08/2011 13:04

the contents of an ashtray that is

RandomMess · 07/08/2011 13:09

Can you get a really cheap ash tray from somewhere and take it around and say something along the lines of "one your houseguests seems to have use our trampoline as an ash try so I thought you could leave this but the fence for them to use instead, I don't want the trampoline getting more damaged"???

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 07/08/2011 13:10

My neighbour's teenage son and his friends used to do this - stand outside their back door smoking, and flicking the fag ends into my garden - until one night I lurked in the kitchen with the light off (they only did it when they thought no-one was around) until I saw them chuck one over, and then went out and told them off - and told them that the next time, I'd tell their mum, who I knew would be furious with them.

YANBU at all!!

SnapesMistress · 07/08/2011 13:58

YANBU how horribly disrespectful, definitly speak to them about it.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/08/2011 14:00

I was thinking along StayingDavidTennantsGirl 's line - is there a teenager in the house who could have been flicking them out a bedroom window because they don't know s/he smokes? Because you've lived next to them for years and this particular thing hasn't happened before, which suggests to me it's not the adults.

janelikesjam · 07/08/2011 14:06

some good ideas here, but best not to say things in a temper. if you have a good relationship with them I would not want to spoil it. perhaps there is a reasonable explanation. or perhaps they didn't know. anyway, they may even apologise, though apologising for things seems to be something going out of fashion these days :(.

Original poster

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 07/08/2011 14:15

It's a new estate we've all lived here three yrs, owners of the house are 19 and 25 I'm pretty sure the girl doesnt smoke so that leaves the 25 yr old. Tbh I wouldn't put it past him he has gatecrashed a family party whilst pissed drunk before and is generally a thoughtless lazy bugger. His poor gf does everything in the house.

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