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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think three or four years in Oz is a good idea?

47 replies

GhoulLasher · 06/08/2011 17:56

We've been offered the chance to head a creative project in Adelaide.

Dh is from there and I know it well...we have 2 DDs aged 7 and 3....my biggest worry is that they'll be unsettled when we come back.

There's no chance we would stay once the project is over as DH has a teenage DD here in the Uk and he (and I) don;t want to become estranged from her...she was fine about the possibility and expressed a desire to come over for a year before uni.

But school for the DDs is a bother...we would be returning in time for DD1 to do her final year in a UK primary school or to sart in her first year of a high school...she would have to make new friends and have a new system....am I being silly? WOuld it be more beneficial than damaging to her? Younger DD would be in year 3 when we came back I reckon...or about begin it

I am so on the fence I feel quite ill...in theory it should be an amazing chance for the DC to travel and live a bit...DH is keen....what to do? My Mum is a bit abut it all......

OP posts:

FellatioNelson · 06/08/2011 18:41

18, 16 and 11. We have just taken a job abroad as well, but this year was the only year we could do it. Eldest off to uni, so would have left home anyway, and middle one just finished GCSEs and about to go to 6th form (boarding) and needed to move to a new college as the existing school doesn't have a 6th form. And the 11 year old still fairly portable and unencumbered by girlfriends thusfar!

But for the last few years there has always been a reason why it would be impractical/cruel to uproot this one, or that one for some reason or other. Once they are in the throes of GCSE coursework or A levels, or deeply in love, it's impossible!

MrsKravitz · 06/08/2011 18:44

Do you really think aussie kids are that different? We visit australia every year and ds plays with his cousins and mates there and, apart from being a little more outdoorsy, they seem pretty much the same. :)

ContinentalKat · 06/08/2011 18:48

I know exactly what you are going through, as we have just been offered 2-3 years abroad!
From previous experience I think it is important to involve the children in the decision making process. Tell them why you want to go and what the pros and cons are. As long as YOU are happy with your decision everything will be fine.
One big plus of going to Oz: you already speak the language (well, sort of ), that's one problem out of the way!

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 06/08/2011 19:44

We moved from Scotland to England when I was 8, and back again when I was 14 - different accent, different curriculum, but no doubt I was more mature and knew more of the world than children who had stayed in the same place their whole lives.

Go!

Original poster

GhoulLasher · 06/08/2011 20:51

I think you're right Euphemia that well travelled kids are more mature somehow.

OP posts:

Original poster

GhoulLasher · 07/08/2011 14:32

Quick update....thanks s much for the positive encouragement. It's really helped me get my head around this.

I have told DH and he looks like this

I suppose it matters that we go as the DC are getting a real chance to see and live their Australian heritage. They ARE half Aussie whether I like it or not (joke) and they should have the chance to live there.

We're planning to keep our banks going here and then a move back will be easier...we will be renting a house on our return and so we can get in the right catchment for schools of choice with any luck.

My Mums not going to like this one bit.

OP posts:

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 07/08/2011 14:49

Good for you! Will your mum be able to come visit?

FellatioNelson · 07/08/2011 15:04

Don't let family guilt hold you back from living your life. Introduce your mother to skype! It is an absolute godsend and she will feel so much better about things if you promise to have a weekly skype video chat (it's free, and very easy to do) on a Sunday afternoon!

HerHissyness · 07/08/2011 16:00

I've heard today that in the event of a relationship going bits up, if you were to split there, as you H is from there he could insist you stay in Oz, as the DC would be deemed as settled, double check your rights to bring them back home should the worst happen?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 16:11

What would you suggest Hissy? Should the op make her dc Wards of Court before she decamps for a couple of years?

Don't worry, op. If push comes to shove, simply plug into the worldwide mumsnetwork and we'll find a way to airlift you and your dc back to Blighty even if it does involve a seaplane and bit of swimming

HerHissyness · 07/08/2011 16:19

I don't know, only repeating what I've heard today on OTBT.

Mmmnotsure · 07/08/2011 16:35

If it helps, we moved house when our two oldest (girls) were 10 and 12 - that meant they had to start new schools, where they didn't know anybody, in the second year of secondary and the last year of primary. On paper, it looked like a dreadful time to be changing schools. But what actually happened, was that they integrated very quickly, walked straight in to friendship groups that have lasted until the end of school for both of them, and have been very happy.

Good luck with your decision.

Original poster

GhoulLasher · 07/08/2011 18:15

Thanks for the offer of a MN Recue Squad Izzy I'm sure it would be a formidable team if the worst happened.

Thanks for your story Mmmnotsure it's very reassuring...we'd only be gone 2 years it looks like....we have the option to go right now but I want to get things sorted properly...and leave in 10 months time...I have a project on the go that I have invested too much in to dump.
I think DH wants to go RIGHT NOW....which I do understand...but it won't do any harm to hang on. DD will start juniors in September....and I want her to go even for one academic year...so when we return she knows where she's going to etc.

Is that weird of me?

OP posts:

Mmmnotsure · 08/08/2011 00:56

Not weird. You're just trying to juggle all your commitments and trying to do the best for your family, and think that some familiarity would help them on your return. Your children are younger than you think, by the way - when they are in their teens you will look back and see how much more flexible and easy it was to travel and live elsewhere than when they are older and school/exam commitments really bite. Two years is really not very long at all. Hope it all goes well.

RomaloDownUnder · 08/08/2011 01:10

Not sure what you mean by oz kids being different. We're from Scotland and moved to Adelaide 2 years ago with DC aged now 9.5, 7 & nearly 5 and have LOVED every second of it. Our DC have a huge circle of friends who are well rounded, positive, enthusiastic and well mannered and I am delighted to have that spirit around us every day. Just can't beat the Ozzie attitude to life!

Good luck

expatinsingers · 08/08/2011 01:32

Definitely go for it - we are from UK, emigrated to Oz 15 yrs ago, have 2 Aussie boys aged 7 and 11, and have spent the last 2 yrs in Singapore and are now in Texas. The boys are fine with the moves - everyone loves an Aussie kid here in Texas and they are great well adjusted happy kids with friends all over the world. If it wasn;t for your project, I'd say go now!

Best of luck! you will love it.

aurynne · 08/08/2011 01:57

GhoulLasher, your DH, your kids and you are going to LOVE the experience. It will enrich yours and your children's lives enormously. Good luck and enjoy! :)

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 08/08/2011 02:31

'Twas I that made a somewhat sweeping generalisation which provoked MrsKravitz's response Romolo.

All of the Oz/New Zealand young people I've met have appeared to be, as you say, well rounded, positive, enthusiastic and well mannered.

Of course many children in the UK share these qualities, but at the time I wrote my response I had in mind some British young people who exhibit paticularly challenging behaviour - this is not to say that I am unaware that Australia has its share of dysfunctional families and some of the social problems that blight our inner cities.

Apologies if I appeared to challenging your statement Hissy - please accept my assurance that wasn't my intention. My cousin works in the Oz Family Courts and I've made a note to run what you've said by her; I'll try to report back to you with further info at some point as it is an issue that will, no doubt, be of interest or relevance to other members of this forum.

ifink · 08/08/2011 04:48

sounds like a great opportunity! We moved to Oz only a few months ago with our DC (4 and 2) it has so far been a very positive/rewarding albeit knackering experience! Re schools, you probably know this already that enrolment dates etc don't tally with the UK and they generally start a bit later - my eldest won't start school at all until Feb 2013 (having got a place for reception in UK for sep 2011 due to Aug birthday)...that is a LONG wait for me!! its not an issue for them here but when we return to the UK (we are only temp residents) our DC will be 'behind' their UK academic peer group - wonder what that mean coming from S Australia?

nothingnatural · 08/08/2011 04:49

Hi OP

I'm glad you've decided to come to Adelaide - I've been living in Adelaide with my Aussie dh and dds for the last 5 years and love it. mostly

I agree with the other posters that it will be a wonderful opportunity for you and your girls. One thing though, as your youngest dd is three, just a little heads up that children here don't start school until they are 5. So if your dd starts school in the UK and then heads over here she will do a second year of reception. Which I guess has positives and negatives right?

If it's any consolation to you, I too was stricken with anxiety and had very mixed feelings about leaving the UK - but y'know it's great out here most of the time

kakapo · 08/08/2011 05:38

Don't worry about the kids fitting in on return, as someone who was moved back to UK at that age, I can tell you they will adjust very quickly!

NunTheWiser · 08/08/2011 06:00

What a wonderful chance for your DC to experience growing up for a short while in the culture of their father. Best of both worlds for them!
We've moved from the UK to Oz, Oz to Holland and back to Oz again last year, this time for good. The children have a much broader outlook on life and the most wonderful experiences to look back on.

Why not plan to go out in the New Year? Your children would have a full term in their UK school but still be able to start in the new school year in Oz.

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