Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

to feel even more offended by catcalls when I'm pregnant?

118 replies

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 04/08/2011 20:53

This is totally a rant, I personally am under no delusion I ANBU.

I hate the catcalls, wolf whistles and lewd remarks I get walking down the street by men up ladders, in cars, just walking along and hate hearing them made at other women too. I get embarassed by the very occasional "lovely smile" or whatever but so angry at the number of times I hear "get your tits out" or "lucky saddle" when cycling. Usually I go red and carry on walking or whatever.

Now however I'm 6months pregnant, and most of the time I catch a man about to say something or looking at me in that way, then they see the bump, THEY go red and look the other way. However some men just don't, and have even had "wish I'd put that in you" shouted at me. I just don't get how men think it's acceptable to talk to a bloody pregnant woman that way!

And this is not a "I'm so pretty, all the men catcall me" post, more often then not I look like a right dog's dinner when I get these comments. And hate to say it, but it's usually white van men too.

OP posts:

Report

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/08/2011 23:36

Takesresponsibility... Disagree with me all you like, it doesn't bother me a jot. You have your opinions and I have mine, we don't have to agree.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 05/08/2011 07:39

I honestly never thought this would create controversy among women. I don't get upset by wolf whisltes or the banal "alright darling" but I do get upset and offended by the intentionally nasty catcalls, even more so when I'm pregnant because it's the only time in my life I'm not worrying about being too fat/fashionable, it's nice to be able just be in my body because it's dong something more important. And these men completely strip me of my dignity and self-worth. I'm carrying a daughter, I'm going to print out rosiepie's advice for her....

I don't actually think you're expressing a valid opinion on the debate on here taking reponsibility, you're saying you don't mind wolf whistles, you haven't said how you feel about the obsecnities some of the women have been subjected to. At least grant us the favour of reading it all through and basing your judgements on all of it. And frankly if you still think we need to get a life, I massively disagree with you and am allowed to. This is intimidation, no matter what your personal feelings are about when YOU'RE on the receiving end.

That goes for everyone who seems to think that a) I'm bragging that I'm so stunning I can't walk down the street without fear of intimidation b) I should be thankful I have strange men treating me to obscene remarks, gestures and looks because I'll sure as hell miss it when I'm old and ugly and fat. Like hell I will

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 05/08/2011 07:47

Lord spare us all.

Male, pushing retirement age, and I don't claim to be an angel. But whatever I have done that I should not have done I have never done that and I just cringe at the idea that there are some of my gender who still think it is clever.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 05/08/2011 07:51

thankyou to all the posters who have said IANMU, and thankyou to the women who've shared their stories too. Realise I've been focusing on the minority of negative voices, am really sad to have heard some of the other stories of intimidation.

rosiepie I think your post has been massively helpful - I'm rubbish at thinking up cutting remarks on the spot, which I think probably stoke the fire, but your suggestions might actually make some men stop doing this. Thanks for posting it

OP posts:

EmmaTheFox · 05/08/2011 08:00

YABU

I bet you wear make-up and a skirt.

Asking for it.

BuongiornoPrincipessa · 05/08/2011 08:02

I second rosepie's advice, I've complained before about catcalling from a building site (they were refurbishing a church!) near my work. It stopped pronto.

I can't believe so many people really enjoy being catcalled. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and self-conscious.

aliceliddell · 05/08/2011 18:44

OP has obviously been out walking while female. What do you expect? Highly irresponsible.

UsingMainlySpoons · 05/08/2011 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 27/08/2011 11:19

horrifically I have a follow up - yesterday I was sexually assaulted while waiting in the rain at the bus stop with my 2.10yr old DS, 6months pregnant, wearing leggings, pregnancy jumper, 6pm in the evening.

I suppose I was asking for that too?

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 27/08/2011 11:21

have you reported it to the police?

I am so sorry :(

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 27/08/2011 11:27

yes, they've been amazing actually. The bus stop was only minutes from my house so I took DS home, who was crying and scared, they met me there, took a full statement, waited until DH got home, took my clothes for forensic evidence and had patrols out looking for him.

Badly shaken but others go through much worse.

OP posts:

Corvax · 27/08/2011 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 27/08/2011 11:31

There are times when I am embarrassed to be male. Best of luck, OP, and I hope they catch the bastard and lock him up twice - goolies in one prison and the rest in another. And throw the key away.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 27/08/2011 11:33

thanks andrewofgg DH said much the same, apologising for his sex - but told him there are many many many more men out there who are lovely that horrid nasties who aren't

OP posts:

freybean · 27/08/2011 11:35

OMG girlie are you ok?

i've once had some middle aged fat bloke telling me he would like to stick it to me????

he soon lost his nerve when i turned round and asked him what he had said, while making a huge scene

DuelingFanjo · 27/08/2011 11:43

So glad the police are taking it seriously.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 27/08/2011 12:54

well just had to walk up my road on my own to get DH and DS (day one of potty training today, not sure that was the greatest idea we've ever had!) and was a sobbing shaking wreck by the time I'd walked the mins to meet them, but am ok now I'm home again.

Puts it all into perspective now I guess, on the one hand I normally get so wound up by the catcalling and obscene remarks which now obviously feel very inconsequential and ridiculous, but on the other hand feel silly myself when other women undergo much worse sexual assaults

OP posts:

chebella · 27/08/2011 13:07

ok, haven't read the whole thread but couldn't not comment on your last post Girl - your original "rant" was far from "inconseqential and ridiculous" - you simply identified and eloquently described the thin edge of a vile wedge - the "fat" end being the appalling thing that happened to you yesterday. i hope you're ok: it will get easier, make sure you talk in RL to understanding friends, partner etc. i have so, so much sympathy for you.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.