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AIBU?

to feel even more offended by catcalls when I'm pregnant?

118 replies

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 04/08/2011 20:53

This is totally a rant, I personally am under no delusion I ANBU.

I hate the catcalls, wolf whistles and lewd remarks I get walking down the street by men up ladders, in cars, just walking along and hate hearing them made at other women too. I get embarassed by the very occasional "lovely smile" or whatever but so angry at the number of times I hear "get your tits out" or "lucky saddle" when cycling. Usually I go red and carry on walking or whatever.

Now however I'm 6months pregnant, and most of the time I catch a man about to say something or looking at me in that way, then they see the bump, THEY go red and look the other way. However some men just don't, and have even had "wish I'd put that in you" shouted at me. I just don't get how men think it's acceptable to talk to a bloody pregnant woman that way!

And this is not a "I'm so pretty, all the men catcall me" post, more often then not I look like a right dog's dinner when I get these comments. And hate to say it, but it's usually white van men too.

OP posts:

Report

Knax · 04/08/2011 22:04

None of these things has really happened to me, at least not that I can remember, and I don't think I'm bad looking. Maybe I'm actually a hideous monster . Not trying to belittle your situation Girl, it's just not my experience.
maybe they find me intimidating

lemonmuffin · 04/08/2011 22:06

"and this is not a "I'm so pretty, all the men catcall me" post, more often then not I look like a right dog's dinner when I get these comments. And hate to say it, but it's usually white van men too."

yeah right, sorry, you are boasting by stealth op, 'look at me i cant even step out of the house without men drooling over me' okaay then

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 04/08/2011 22:07

ok lemon whatever you say. Either way I should be pleased to be getting this sort of attention, whatever I look like, right?

OP posts:

maresedotes · 04/08/2011 22:11

Yes GirlWithTheMouseyHair you are boasting, how dare you. Lemon, you must think we are all boasting with our experiences then?

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 04/08/2011 22:13

you're right maresedotes, I take all the offence and humiliation back. I'm a supermodel in disguise and I fucking LOVE it when nasty perverts tell me they want to stick one inside me

OP posts:

BulletWithAName · 04/08/2011 22:13

lemonmuffin completely missing the point of the thread there. Whooosh straight over the head there!

hester · 04/08/2011 22:14

God, some of the responses on here are unbelievable.

OP, I'm completely with you. It is vile behaviour at the best of times; nasty bullying to a pregnant woman, a time when many of us feel vulnerable.

Oh, and btw it used to happen to me all the time but has pretty much stopped now I'm in my 40s. Do I miss it? Do I hell. It is FANTASTIC to be able to walk down the street without being scrutinised and commented on all the way.

NotQuiteSoDesperate · 04/08/2011 22:22

OP, another one supporting you! I can't believe how naive some of the posters are on this thread - to be flattered by vile, sexist, rude remarks like that!

Yes, I agree with hester that I'm glad that I rarely get any these days - such a relief.

bringmesunshine2009 · 04/08/2011 22:25

Does your name IRL begin with an S? If so, hello! You are one of my pals. You are very pretty if you are the pregnant friend I think you are (lucky you!) But sorry you are being harrassed, that's awful.

rosepie · 04/08/2011 22:29

Here is what I posted on another thread, and here is what I do -

If it is a building site, or men affiliated with a building site then find out who they are - they normally will have a hi-vis or hard hat on. Report them. They can and do lose their job for this. Construction companies do not want to piss off local residents. Not good ones anyway. Sites will have contact details. You can call the H&S Manager or appropriate contact. Companies pay money to be audited / be seen as a considerate contractor.

Same with a work van, Look for the name, number - and take a number plate down. Ring the business. Let them know that you are serious about this. Let them know their product has been damaged. Let them know you want this stopped so that other women do not have to go through this.

Please please if any of you can - identify the employer if at all able.

At night time I realise it may be different. But again you can let the security of a club, or a duty manager or a restaurant manager know.
Always take care of your own security. But do report it.

And if you see it happening to other women then report it on their behalf. It does not have to happen to you. I have done this. I saw a work van of guys hassle a women while I was on a bus, and everyone was in a traffic jam. I calmly rang the company and got through and complained. It was priceless watching the work van, and see all the smiles wiped off their faces as they took a call from their company about my complaint. They were looking around very sheepishly as they realised someone else had called to complain. Then realising a whole bus full of people were looking at them and they didn't know who had dobbed them in. The shame on their faces was priceless and they so knew that what they had done was wrong.

If you see a pregnant woman getting hassling then you may also want to intervene. Ask if she is ok. Tell the cat callers that this is not on, or words to that effect. Be assertive on her behalf - if you feel able. I have not been cat called when I was pregnant but that does not mean I don't think others have. I had a colleague who was very upset at sexual comments on a crowded train journey when she was heavily pregnant.

BulletWithAName · 04/08/2011 22:31

Thanks for posting that rosepie, some very good advice there.

ThePopsicleKat · 04/08/2011 22:31

Definitely with you OP. I'm not sure it often has much to do with how attractive the woman is, but how vulnerable she is perceived to be (i.e. young, unaccompanied by a man, and yes, pregnant). It is about power, gained through intimidation. They're not trying to go on a date with you, are they? They don't, surely, genuinely believe that by yelling at you to get your tits out, that you will grant them this. They are having fun at your expense, because they can.

Being beeped at is one thing, a bit silly but easily ignored. But comments like the one in the OP are vile, nothing remotely flattering about them.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/08/2011 22:35

Agrees with rosepie. We had ongoing works next door to the building where I worked, they were there for months and the catcalling was horrible. I reported it to the site foreman and asked him to make it stop and it did. Such a relief to be treated like a normal human being. :)

I think perhaps younger, vulnerable women are targetted, not because they are more attractive (because it really doesn't seem to matter), but because they are less likely to take action against the perpetrators of it.

Jonnyfan · 04/08/2011 22:35

bringme you can see mousey's photo if you click on her name

SpringHeeledJack · 04/08/2011 22:36

lemonmuffin I spose that, when my friend told me- half outraged and half tearful- that a bloke in a van had leant out of his window and pushed her arse alongside (she was on a bike) rather than be outraged on her behalf, I should have told her off for stealth boasting

for fuckssake

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Takeresponsibility · 04/08/2011 22:39

You lot need to get a life.

If I see a good looking bloke, especially shirtless (diet coke shirtless, not Moby Dick shirtless), I beep my car horn or whistle.

I do it to show appreciation, not as a secret humiliation gesture for an entire gender.

If I get whistled or cat calls I usually blow them a kiss which normally results in shouts for my phone number which I sadly decline.

Before you ask I'm not some air-headed 18 year old, but a 45 year old Mother of 2, with a tongue like a razor blade if I choose to use it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/08/2011 22:49

Perhaps the men you do it to, Takesresponsibility don't feel 'appreciated' when you do it, perhaps they feel nauseated and embarrassed as many of us do in the reverse situation.

You feel flattered at the attention? Your prerogative. Many of us don't see it as at all flattering and we don't like it. It doesn't mean that we 'need to get a life' as you so charmingly put it.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 04/08/2011 22:53

Maybe I ABU then if there are really this number of women who deem thus behaviour acceptable. More than shocked, actually alarmed now!

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/08/2011 23:01

No, you're not, GirlwiththeMouseyHair and do you know what? Even if you were the ONLY one who felt the way you do, that would be your prerogative and you wouldn't be unreasonable to feel that way.

I personally think that the women (and men) who enjoy being 'catcalled' are starved of attention and any attention, to them, is positive. Really very sad.

shmoz · 04/08/2011 23:13

I can't say I've ever been distressed by catcalling, although I've only ever had the fairly banal ''awright darlin''. I usually reply something like ''fine thanks my lovely'', and carry on with my day, no harm done.

A bloke pinched my arse once in a pub, he thought it was so funny! Sadly he didn't find it so funny when he walked past me a bit later carrying a couple of pints - needless to say my foot took on a will of its own. I was powerless to stop it.

If I ever had the ''get your tits out'' type of nonsense I would either ignore it or reply with something like ''in your dreams pal''. It really wouldn't bother me that much though.

PeterSpanswick · 04/08/2011 23:24

I don't think anyone is saying it's a hugely traumatising experience but it's hardly a pleasant one is it.

The issue for me is why I should have to suck this up and just put up with it when my DH doesn't and neither does my brother / father / male colleague. I don't want to have personal remarks shouted at me in the street, it's not my idea of a good time!

Takeresponsibility · 04/08/2011 23:27

So sorry LyingWitch, I forgot that I was not entitled to an opinion if if happens to disagree with yours.

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Empusa · 04/08/2011 23:33

TR You were the one to come on the thread in the first place and dismiss the opinions of most of the posters on it!

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 04/08/2011 23:33

Of course you are entitled to an opinion Takeresponsiblity . We are also at liberty to disagree with you and point out that dismissing people's feelings about a subject is rude and unnecessary. If you express it is up for being challenged.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 04/08/2011 23:35

That is supposed to to say "If you express an opinion then..."

OP YANBU, of course.

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