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Original poster

To feel guilty about taking grandma's money?

10 replies

EndInTearrs · 04/08/2011 18:37

Today I took my 80 year old grandma to the town/village where she was evacuated during the way. She'd always wanted to go back but she said from the off she would be giving me petrol money. I said no way, I won't accept it.

So we got there and she bought me and my children lunch, that cost her over £20.

She had a great day, as luck would have it her old school was having building work done so it was open and the builders let her have a quick look around the inside. We also got to go in her old church. I had a great day, made all the better seeing her so happy.

When we got home, she quickly shoved £20 into my lap and got out of the car. I tried to give her it back, told her the petrol hadn't even cost me that (was more like a tenner) and even if it had, I wouldn't have wanted paying as I saw it as a day out for me and the kids too but she insisted and wouldn't compromise on it!

I now feel really bad and kind of feel like I've conned her Sad my mum said if I keep going on about it I'll offend my grandma so I should just let it go but this day out has cost her £40 and I do feel guilty, I can't help it.

Is it offensive to refuse petrol money etc??

OP posts:
Original poster
EndInTearrs · 04/08/2011 18:38

During the war, not way!

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 04/08/2011 18:41

Don't feel guilty, you obviously made her feel very happy by taking her back to a place that held nice memories.
She wanted to pay as you were doing her a favour.

Maybe take her a nice bunch of flowers and some of her favourite chocolates next time you see her.

redskyatnight · 04/08/2011 18:42

Sounds like your grandma wanted to give you petrol money and wanted to treat you to lunch. It also sounds like she had a good day too. Giving her the money back will most likely upset her and potentially ruin your nice day.

Has she put herself in hardship by giving you the money? That would be my only worry.

If you feel guilty, maybe treat her to a lunch or something nice sometime soon?

SlackSally · 04/08/2011 18:51

There are quite a lot of older people who actually find that they have quite a lot of spare money, especially those who own their houses and have paid off the mortgages and who had, or whose husbands had, good jobs with old-fashioned, final salary pensions.

My dad is a taxi driver, and picks up several old ladies who go the minimum fare (c.£3) and give him a tenner and INSIST he keeps the change. They say he needs it more than them (which is probably true!).

You will probably know your Grandma's financial situation, so can make a judgement, but it sounds like it was something she wanted to spend money on. You are her Grandchild, after all.

justpaddling · 04/08/2011 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 04/08/2011 18:56

My grandad used to do this all the time! I would refuse and we would play a sort of cat and mouse game! He'd give the children pocket money instead, the old goat Grin or sometimes I'd find he'd hidden money in the glove box!

It was about his pride. He relied on us and he hated feeling dependent. Paying 'his own way' made him feel better, even though it led to some standoffs between us Grin

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 04/08/2011 18:59

During your outing did you take any photos of the town/village and/or your gran with her ggdc? Maybe you could have one blown up and framed to give to her?

Alternatively, search the net for a picture of the town c1940s that can be framed and check to see if there's local history society as there may be wealth of information available about the impact of the war/evacuees on the local inhabitants.

It sounds as if you all had a great day out and your gran certainly wouldn't have paid for lunch and given you petrol money if she hadn't wanted to, but next time I suggest you try to pay any lunch/snacks bill before she has a chance to see it!

FabbyChic · 04/08/2011 19:00

It was really sweet of you to take her, take her money, don't offend her by refusing it, buy her some flowers with it.

Original poster
EndInTearrs · 04/08/2011 19:05

A couple of years ago I managed to get a photo of her old house, the church and the village house and arranged it onto a scrapbook page, decorated in old fashioned lace etc and framed it. She has it above her fireplace in the living room Grin

But I'm not a great relative, I don't go and see her as often as I should and I have no excuse for it either Sad

OP posts:
Jonnyfan · 04/08/2011 20:27

She had a great day, and she wanted you to have a treat! Take it and smile.

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